SPAM Haiku 701-800

Move backwards to Numbers 601-700.

701.
oh set it on fire
run it over or stab it
SPAM is immortal

--Dawn M. Martin

702.
Rooty toot tooty
Lips, hips, and innard beauty
Oingy, boingy, SPAM!

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

703.
alone in my room
plastic eyes, ears, lips, and SPAM
Mr. SPAM-Head lived

--Dawn M. Martin

704.
SPAM for dinner. SPAM
for lunch. SPAM for breakfast. SPAM
for brunch. Rest in peace.

--Dawn M. Martin

705.
"Yo' mama eats SPAM,"
said one child to another.
The supreme insult.

--Dawn M. Martin

706.
The death penalty
would be a big deterrant
if death were by SPAM.

--Dawn M. Martin

707.
disgrace to all swine
a body part potpourri
packed in brown jelly

--Dawn M. Martin

708.
Put SPAM in the gas
tank. Lousy mileage, but I
like the pink exhaust.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

709.
Hannibal Lecter
Eats livers, but no pig snouts.
Silence of the SPAMs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

710.
Do you see pig snouts
Or a fine meal? It's a pork
product Rashomon.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

711.
A pink obelisk
comes to the apes. It imparts
both wisdom and SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

712.
Got a flat coming
home from the store. Damn, no spare.
Patched the tire with SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

713.
Sinclair's The Jungle
will always be relevant
as long as there's SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

714.
Bob Dylan, pork fan.
Sang "The answer, my friend, is
Blowin' in the SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

715.
"The ram in SPAM falls
Numbly on the Pam." "By George,
I think she's got it."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

716.
SAT answer:
"Noisy" is to "quiet" as
"meat" is to: "(c) SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

717.
I substituted
SPAM for bread at communion.
Was sent straight to hell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

718.
M. C. Escher's SPAM:
Pig-snout stairs run in circles.
Ever-rising pork.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

719.
Foul Aliens from
Minnesota. Sigourney
Weaver screams in fear.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

720.
Don Vito orders
horse-head surprise. "Make him a
SPAM he can't refuse."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

721.
Roy Scheider stuffs SPAM
Down Great White's hideous Jaws.
Shark explodes from gas.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

722.
Profane communion!
Through transubstantiation
The SPAM becomes me.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

723.
To eat SPAM is death
to one on dialysis.
Kidneys must beware.

--Anonymous

724.
Willow blows. Cold breeze.
SPAM sizzles on the hot grill.
Wake, eat, think, my friend.

--Steve Genders, cuseg@ecom.ecn.bgu.edu

725.
Eighteen-wheeler full
of SPAM fries in the wreckage.
Film at eleven.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

726.
Senator Exon
Downloads SPAM GIFs from archive,
Soils the Senate floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

727.
Haiku 665:
George Hormel's the Antichrist!
Off-by-one error.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

728.
Deep within my gut,
Putrefactive microbes breed.
SPAM farts are the worst!

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

729.
Tried to use the word
"Arteriosclerosis"
in a SPAM haiku.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

730.
Repeat offenders:
"Always leave them wanting more."
Flames to /dev/null, please.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

731.
Delicious globule
How I love your greasy sheen
Pink fatty morsel

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

732.
Better than tofu
My favorite block-like food
Carve me off a chunk

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

733.
I saw the best SPAM
of my generation con-
geal into Gingrich.

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

734.
I hope it was SPAM.
I didn't want to ask her--
I just hope it was.

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

735.
SPAM--Jews won't touch it.
Muslims proclaim it unclean.
Wisdom of the East.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

736.
SPAM (noun). dead, rank flesh;
also: flesh unfit for food,
putrefying meat.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

737.
Hormel: "Cease, desist
Ere our lawyers chew you up!"
Me: "Let them eat SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

738.
Slick Willy admits
Eating SPAM at school. Too bad
He didn't inhale.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

739.
Pink, shiny pig meat.
Instant anticipation
Changing to vomit.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

740.
Bloody glove, chopped meat
On Brentwood mansion walkway.
Hormel strikes again!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

741.
If O. J.'s guilty,
Bill, watch for new SPAM flavor:
Roast Buffalo, Bill.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

742.
Fuhrman spews racist
SPAM. L.A.P.D., do like
Hormel: can the pig.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

743.
Friend moved to Detroit
He brought his SPAM cans to me
The cats wouldn't eat...

--Anonymous

744.
SPAM. Never tried it.
Have you? Or others you know?
They are not around.

--josh@pcqt.com

745.
Food in a can on
Walgreen's shelf. There's TREET and ham
But no goddamn SPAM.

--josh@pcqt.com

746.
If meat in can is
SPAM, and scent in can is GLADE,
What is man in can?

--josh@pcqt.com

747.
Pink, soft, moist, fragrant,
Spiced, diced, molded, gelatined--
Lo, SPAM is at hand.

--josh@pcqt.com

748.
Order from chaos
Differentiated flesh
SPAM proves entropy

--Anonymous

749.
SPAM and Top Shelf Meals.
They make Evil and Good; how?
The Tao of Hormel.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

750.
macaroni rings
mayo green peas Velveeta
toss with chunks of SPAM

--Andrea Szalay, szala001@maroon.tc.umn.edu

751.
In postwar Europe
Magritte painted a blue can.
Ce n'est pas un SPAM!

--Anonymous

752.
Ate SPAM, then Mentos.
Internal struggle followed.
Which one will triumph?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

753.
Bounty hunters fight
Over blue tin. The Good, the
SPAM, and the Ugly.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

754.
Gargamel cackles,
Pours blue meat into cauldron.
It's smurfs! SPAM is smurfs!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

755.
new roommate arrives
cooks sunday morning fried SPAM
goodbye new roommate

--Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

756.
tried Tide, Clorox, Wisk
even a blow torch won't kill
the remaining smell

--Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

757.
Driving on I-5
Tens of thousands of cows wait;
At least they're not SPAM.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

758.
Woman jogs after
Mastectomy. What's the sound
Of one SPAM slapping?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

759.
What if Parker, Monk,
and Coltrane partook of SPAM?
bilious bebop

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

760.
Coltrane nixes the
carrot juice; tries SPAM cocktail.
writes "A Loaf Supreme"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

761.
Ornette Coleman plays
"The Shape of Free SPAM To Come"
Fans run to Zamfir

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

762.
What is more awful
than the sound of squishing SPAM?
a Kenny G tune

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

763.
SPAM is not a gift.
When you eat, just remember:
It's only a loan.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

764.
Ornette's harmony
some say "indigestible!"
it's SPAMolodics

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

765.
fifty-second street
cooking pot of new bop jazz
at Minton's SPAMhouse

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

766.
Dexter Gordon moves
to Paris: less racism?
no, just much less SPAM

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

767.
Louis Armstrong finds
way to entertain millions:
sing, play, eat SPAM, sing

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

768.
SPAM deserves much thanks
it gave Billie Holiday
the right to feel blue

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

769.
Miles needs a new tune
sees Bill Evans munching SPAM:
now that's "Kind of Blue"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

770.
Sidney Bechet plays:
can't find the cork grease--panic!
SPAM to the rescue

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

771.
Metheny hunts for
years but can't reproduce SPAM
on Synclavier.

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

772.
Lyle Mays finds the sound
quite easily. Releases
Fictionary bomb.

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

773.
Metheny Group has
a secret weapon: David
Bowie on SPAM can.

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

774.
brasiliana
amorphously glistening
the sound of Spam Getz

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

775.
Morning commuter
Eats SPAM sandwich lunch early.
Surprise! Empty train.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

776.
"Hey, Thelonius,
how'd ya like your SPAM cocktail?"
Says, "Straight, No Chaser."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

777.
Was Bitches Brew by
Miles D. inspired by one too
many SPAM cocktails?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

778.
Gershwin devours SPAM,
looks at can, writes "Rhapsody
in Blue and Yellow."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

779.
George Gershwin's fondness
for SPAM inspires famous song
"I Loves You, Porky."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

780.
The letters of "SPAM"--
What do they stand for? Semi-,
Pseudo-, Almost Meat.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

781.
Subversive Pinko
Anti-american Meat:
SPAM's a Commie plot!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

782.
SPAM's the Devil's work:
Sinful Pork of Almighty
Mephistopheles.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

783.
A buck forty-nine
bought a feast: SPAM with ramen
noodles on the side.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

784.
Mom packed SPAM for my
school lunches. The other kids
wouldn't sit with me.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

785.
New SPAM cigarettes:
Surgeon general says, "Heads
will roll over this."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

786.
New SPAM cigarettes
introduce a new health risk:
Second-hand nitrates.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

787.
At the fashion show,
critics rave over Hormel's
line of SPAM dresses.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

788.
Warhol follows soup
cans with SPAM cans. Irate mobs
torch the gallery.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

789.
Picasso, Duchamp,
and Kandinsky loved SPAM. Square
meat: cubist's delight.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

790.
Can't control my SPAM
haiku addiction. Is there
a 12-step program?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

791.
Pressed meat is wisdom:
Empty gut filled with SPAM chunks
MAPS soul in reverse.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

792.
Lots of SPAM eaten
and much more to come, she sighs.
Out of spamina.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

793.
Zen guy on Harley
flattens SPAM can; oops, time for
cycle maintenance.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

794.
SPAM in the morning,
SPAM-lunch, SPAM-dinner. Result?
Foreshortened lifespam.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

795.
Count sheep to find sleep.
Lambs turn to pigs, then pig parts...
Nightmare! Free-range SPAM!

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

796.
"Shredded are the pigs..."
(Revised Spamdard Edition.
Hormel buys print run.)

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

797.
They had no oinkling
Those Spamish cornqweestadoors
Just how trough war is...

--Anne Landry, anne_landry@scp.com

798.
Two-pack of SPAM Lite
Free SPAM car in the package
I have all I need

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

799.
No one expects it,
The Spammish Repetition,
spam spam spam spam spam!

--Anonymous

800.
lost my first true dog
please help me find my best pet
I write SPAM haiku

--Anonymous