SPAM Haiku 5301-5400

Move backwards to Numbers 5201-5300.

5301.
Alanis sings--"I've
got one SPAM in my pocket"
Sells heaps of CDs

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5302.
The tower of SPAM
Million cubic feet of pork
It sways in the breeze

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5303.
Ask true SPAM gourmets
The best way to consume SPAM
"Why, straight from the can!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5304.
Climbed many mountains
Seeking SPAM enlightenment
But to no avail

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5305.
SPAM chunks in my hair
I suck them out and glance up
No one has noticed

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5306.
Again I savored
The beloved taste of SPAM
And I reminisced

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5307.
Sure, you can eat SPAM
But greater pleasures are found
In playing with it

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5308.
Sniffer dogs track SPAM
Men with guns follow behind
It's fugitive SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5309.
Rocket roars upwards
Curves down, target is acquired
SPAM-seeking missile

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5310.
Locked in room with SPAM
Try to pick lock with can's key
It snaps, I am doomed

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5311.
The silence pressed in
Rows of blue cans sat silent
Eternal patience

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5312.
"Free SPAM" the sign said
There was a noticeable
Absence of people

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5313.
Airport accident
Pig sucked into jet turbine
Hot SPAM sprays tarmac

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5314.
I sat by the lake
My fishing rod sat idle
Don't use SPAM as bait

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5315.
Planted a SPAM can
I watered and nourished it
A small SPAM tree grew

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5316.
Glinting knife held high
He slashes swiftly downwards
Neatly bisects SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5317.
Oh vexatious SPAM
Psychological virus
Afflicting my mind

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5318.
E.T. SPAM arrives
Massive SPAM ships blot out sun
Our weapon? Big key!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5319.
With a whoosh it flew
Bounced from floor to wall and back
Rugged bouncy SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5320.
Imperishable
It waits as long as it must.
SPAM. The patient food.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5321.
Venerable SPAM
We lay prostate before you
And honor your name

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5322.
We worship you, SPAM
Say your name in hushed whispers
Eat you in silence

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5323.
Without our knowledge
The collective unconscious
Spawns the God of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5324.
The newspapers scream
SPAM DISCOVERED ON THE MOON!
NASA gets funding

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5325.
Pig truck horror smash
Unprocessed SPAM on freeway
Altered destinies

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5326.
Modified pig parts
Crammed into squarish SPAM can
A very tight fit

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5327.
Moments of pleasure
The small noise when the seal breaks
When opening SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5328.
Gourmet chefs study
Years of hard strenuous work
At home they eat SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5329.
I am assuming
People writing SPAM haiku
Have tried eating it

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5330.
Wide-eyed, Dave Bowman
gasps "My god: It's full of SPAM"
Pink monolith drifts

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5331.
Of SPAM, you might say
It's an inspiration for
Limitless haiku

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5332.
SPAM in fax machine
Transmitted over phone lines
The response was "Eeeuuuurgh"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5333.
Brackish clear jelly
Coats the pig meat scented lump
Cased in steel, named SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5334.
Tasty chunk of brawn
I slice you and add lettuce
Brazenly eat you

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5335.
I opened the tin
Breath held, I anticipate
The emerging SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5336.
I brewed some SPAM beer
Two weeks of fermentation
What a waste of time

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5337.
A brief word on SPAM:
I wonder on its effect
On all of our minds.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5338.
My experiment
Placed in liquid nitrogen
SPAM becomes brittle

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5339.
I brought you some SPAM
You stared at me quite strangely
SPAM clothes as a gift

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5340.
Handle SPAM gently
Its value depreciates
If it has been bruised

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5341.
SPAM sliced brutally
Great big chunks torn from the side
I care not for looks

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5342.
The horse turns and bucks
Spooked, with eyes wild and staring
Smells SPAM in the wind

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5343.
A bug on my SPAM
Landed there for a quick snack
Staggers to its grave

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5344.
A bulge in my jeans
"Is that SPAM in your pocket?"
I blush and say "Yes"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5345.
I lug fifty cans
They nourish me on my trip
The long SPAM journey

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5346.
SPAM lurks in jungles
Waits for unwary humans
Seeking its vengeance

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5347.
God of SPAM queries
Why hast thou forsaken SPAM?
"The taste, Lord, the taste!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5348.
A strange squirming noise
We all stare at the blue can
"I think SPAM's alive!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5349.
I know that with SPAM
The can is necessary
Stops human contact

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5350.
Practice SPAM voodoo
Insert pins into pink block
Somewhere, a pig screams

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5351.
Resting on my plate
SPAM awaits its destiny
Cutlery descends

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5352.
The SPAM fairy comes
Slipping through the night, giving
SPAM to the needy

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5353.
Literary pig
In slaughterhouse, writes on wall:
"I am become SPAM"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5354.
Eat lunch in secret
Tell no one what you consume
Confidential SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5355.
Eat delicious SPAM
Munch down a few large-size cans
Regret it later

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5356.
Held you in my hands
Felt your firm but yielding flesh
The pleasures of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5357.
How can there be more?
And yet I drag one more SPAM
Haiku from my brain

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5358.
Had an accident
Dropped SPAM jelly on my clothes
Smell lingered for weeks

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5359.
SPAM tanker crashes
Town is evacuated
Dangerous SPAM fumes

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5360.
When SPAM can't be seen
Can you prove its existence?
Sure you can, the smell!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5361.
Scientists test SPAM
Try to work out its nature
It remains unsolved

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5362.
At some point, I think
There won't be enough words left
For more SPAM haiku

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5363.
Calmly I sit, and
Regard the humble SPAM can
Enlightenment fails

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5364.
Simmer in saucepan
SPAM mixed with herbs and spices
Throw out meat, eat pan

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5365.
"So, it's SPAM you want."
I nodded. Glancing around
He handed me some.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5366.
A child is kidnapped
No demand for cash, ransom:
A child's weight in SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5367.
Careful of that SPAM
Wear rubber gloves while touching
Don't want it on you

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5368.
Wonderful SPAM pill
Gives your daily requirement
Of vitamin SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5369.
SPAM corrodes the paint
While it sits on my table
Don't think I'll eat it

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5370.
My psychiatrist
Cured my pathological
Appetite for SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5371.
Locked SPAM in bank vault
Waited for 25 years
It grew 10 percent

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5372.
SPAM can under car
"Call the SPAM disposal squad!"
Robot destroys can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5373.
Can falls from airplane
Found by primitive bushmen
Worshipped as a god

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5374.
We consume the SPAM
In a cloud of ignorance
Only Hormel knows

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5375.
Interface with SPAM
Connect it to Internet
Not enough bandwidth

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5376.
Can SPAM be destroyed?
Independent tests find SPAM
Indestructible

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5377.
It's pink and squishy
With a strong porcine odor
You're correct...It's SPAM!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5378.
Thespian ponders
To eat or not to eat SPAM?
That is the question

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5379.
Look beyond the can
See beauty hidden within
The splendor of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5380.
SPAM in the future
Integrated circuitry
Makes it a friend, too

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5381.
Round-edged rectangles
Finely sliced SPAM bits sizzle
Pleasant aroma

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5382.
Calvin Klein's new scent
"SPAM for Men" guaranteed to
Seduce carnivores

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5383.
Smuggling the SPAM cans
Airport sniffer dog smells bag
And cowers in fear

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5384.
Muggers corner me
Unafraid, I whip out SPAM
They run in terror

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5385.
With pen to paper
Leonardo sketches SPAM
"SPAM" written backwards

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5386.
Scratching at the door
SPAM wants to be let inside
Pretend not to hear

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5387.
Intravenous SPAM
Thin tube runs from can to arm
Feel it in my blood

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5388.
Young man collapses
Paramedics rush to scene
"Dear God! He ate SPAM!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5389.
Lab rats tackle SPAM
They chew at can for a while
Then learn to use key

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5390.
SPAM shipment hijacked
Ransom set extremely high
Two dollars fifty

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5391.
Building SPAM temple
Golden pig towers above
Hold our breath in awe

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5392.
Heart racing, I stop
In darkness, I hear a noise
SPAM is stalking me

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5393.
Oh, silent canned meat,
Patience a virtue? Then you
are virtuous, SPAM.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5394.
Chunks of SPAM flying
I devour the entire can
In 5 seconds flat

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5395.
SPAM plunges from space
Burns up during reentry
Thus sparing mankind

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5396.
Pulverized the SPAM
Crushed it flat with a house brick
Vengeance is now mine

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5397.
Point blank range, I fired
The can exploded wetly
Coated me in SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5398.
Small morsel of SPAM
How tenderly I eat thee
The exquisite taste

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5399.
SPAM soles for my shoes
Shock absorbing foot comfort
For outrunning dogs

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5400.
The waves crash and roll
SPAM tumbles onto the beach
Sunbathers panic

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

Move forwards to Numbers 5401-5500.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.

John Nagamichi Cho

SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.