SPAM Haiku 5401-5500

Move backwards to Numbers 5301-5400.

5401.
Metamorphosis
In the sun, SPAM changed from pink
To an eerie green

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5402.
I would run a mile
To escape horrors of SPAM
That evil blue can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5403.
"He's got SPAM, you know"
We stare at him in horror
He tries to hide it

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5404.
I ate SPAM last week
Strange to say, the aftertaste
Has not left me yet

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5405.
Package looks nice, but
Chopped, diced, pressed pig components
Lie within the can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5406.
Tasteless SPAM haiku:
Open wound won't heal itself
Doctors graft on SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5407.
Say it fifty times
Then soon you will find that "SPAM"
Loses all meaning

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5408.
You dream of falling
To a sea of SPAM jelly
And wake up screaming

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5409.
Oh great, no more SPAM
I check my cupboard again
Must feed addiction

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5410.
Hit SPAM with my car
Crowd gathers around pink mess
"I didn't see it!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5411.
A vintage SPAM wine
Pop the cork, strong pork odor
Lingering bouquet

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5412.
Oh brave Spamhunters
Stalking into the black night
Wary of pressed meat.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5413.
The chef looks aghast
"10 years of gourmet cooking
And you just want SPAM?"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5414.
Locked in the blue can
I wonder if SPAM suffers
Claustrophobia

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5415.
Throw SPAM from a cliff
I watch it fall, it bounces
Hits me in the face

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5416.
The large clot of SPAM
Rested, aging in my fridge
I'm scared to touch it

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5417.
Screaming, I attack,
Club SPAM into submission
Grab it while it's stunned

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5418.
The doctor saw the
Symptoms of SPAM poisoning
Prescribed "AntiSPAM"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5419.
Spambubbles and milk
Make a nice, noisy breakfast--
Snap, crackle, and oink.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5420.
On the mountaintop
A sign of human presence
Scattered cans of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5421.
Bury the SPAM deep
In lead and concrete lined tanks
Pray that it stays there

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5422.
Indiana Jones
Raids the lost temple of SPAM
Flees angry natives

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5423.
Can't abide the smell
But find the texture quite nice
Almost sensual

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5424.
Must abstain from SPAM
I started having blackouts
Wake with empty can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5425.
Dropped into abyss
My life flashed before my eyes
I saw so much SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5426.
Bad SPAM accident
Contents were under pressure
Took his head clean off

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5427.
When I arrived home
I found a dozen SPAM cans
Can't account for it

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5428.
Again that dull ache
Oh, when will I ever learn?
Keep away from SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5429.
Put SPAM in acid
And left it there for an hour
SPAM's there, acid's gone

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5430.
SPAM and tequila
The acrid taste fills your mouth
But still you swallow

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5431.
The SPAM activist
Marches with protest banners
"Equal rights for SPAM"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5432.
Frying in a pan
I flip the pan upwards, SPAM
Adheres to ceiling

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5433.
"Don't let SPAM get you,"
The man admonished. A noise:
But too late I turned.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5434.
Adventurously
I raised the SPAM to my mouth
But then chickened out

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5435.
The catapult waits
I load SPAM, ready to test
Aerodynamics

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5436.
Eat SPAM by proxy
Bully somebody smaller
To eat it for you

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5437.
Again I can hear
The familiar stomach noise
After eating SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5438.
Opened unmarked can
Stared aghast at the contents
Unexpected SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5439.
Oh mystery meat
Like your parts, humans should be
Together in peace

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5440.
Sloppy squishing sound:
Sentient SPAM slides slowly
Seeking sustenance

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5441.
Despite many threats
SPAM seems not to be concerned
I envy its calm

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5442.
Manacled to wall
I teach my SPAM who's master
I'll make it submit

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5443.
Ancient manuscript
Describes SPAM discovery
On the "Isle of SPAM"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5444.
Sitting on toilet
I think of the SPAM long gone
And SPAM yet to come

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5445.
Without noticing
I find myself eating SPAM
Tomorrow I quit

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5446.
A strange flash of light
Caveman shouts, stares at blue can
Time-travelling SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5447.
Old pig points to shelf
"Those are Grandpa Bob's remains"
Blue steel can marked "SPAM"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5448.
Fancy dress party
I arrive in SPAM costume
With authentic smell

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5449.
Praise be to thee, SPAM
We worship your porkiness
SPAM, Hallelujah

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5450.
New "Essence of SPAM"
Each drop distilled from ten cans
Flavor or weapon?

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5451.
Got nothing to do?
You should exercise your mind
Write some SPAM Haiku

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5452.
Man lies on soft couch
"I can't stop writing Spamku"
Psychiatrist laughs

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5453.
Travelled overseas
Met new cultures, saw with shock
They didn't have SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5454.
Man sits in aircraft
Quietly opens SPAM can
Crew throws him from plane

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5455.
Nightmares persisting
Dream of being trapped inside
Freshly sealed SPAM can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5456.
Grab a can of SPAM
And dance around merrily
Shout "It's mine, all mine!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5457.
I unwrapped the gift
Stared at the contents, then asked
"Why SPAM? Why not socks?"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5458.
Spamroaches scuttle
Stare at me from dark corners
And wait for dropped SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5459.
I grasp at the SPAM
Slick with jelly, it escapes
I lunge yet again

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5460.
In its naked form
SPAM sure isn't beautiful
I prefer the can

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5461.
It looks after kids
Attends to all of their needs
The nanny named SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5462.
Pagan ritual
Robed priest raises curved dagger
Stabs deep into SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5463.
With painstaking care
The artist carved blocks of SPAM
Made edible art

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5464.
You wonderful meat,
SPAM, you're my panacea
My problems seem small

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5465.
Pangs of SPAM hunger
Suddenly assail my mind
Have to eat SPAM NOW.

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5466.
Held a SPAM party
Served up tasty SPAM cocktails
Queue for the toilets

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5467.
"What is the password?"
"SPAM," and the thick door opens
The secret SPAM club

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5468.
The new TV soap,
"Like SPAM through the hourglass" and
"The SPAMs of our lives"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5469.
Slowly perishing
The SPAM is changing color
And smelling funky

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5470.
Perfect symmetry
Soft corners and sharp edges
SPAM as work of art

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5471.
A sudden warning
My guts churn nauseously
Rancid SPAM attack

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5472.
Parboiled pinkish mass
Calls to me "Write odes to me"
Mindless, I comply

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5473.
A scared pig looks up
Huge SPAM can drawls "You will be
Assimilated"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5474.
SPAM reinforces
Atheistic tendencies
SPAM allows no God

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5475.
The monks sat, chanting
Lit by candles, a lone can
The holiest SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5476.
SPAM, suffocating
Trapped in unbreakable steel
Won't you help free it?

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5477.
Supernatural SPAM
Floats off table into air
The lost ghosts of pigs?

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5478.
Con man stole my SPAM
Never trust anyone from
SPAM inspection board

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5479.
Feel SPAM in the dark
Tactile senses overload
Drop into seizure

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5480.
Shotgun by my side
I scan the bushes ahead
Wary of wild SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5481.
Need inspiration
Come to me, my porcine muse
Deliver Spamku

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5482.
Sweet fragrance of SPAM
Reminds me to see doctor
To have my nose checked

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5483.
I adore the feel,
The yielding consistency
Of pressed pork sections

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5484.
Dehydrated SPAM
Simply add water and stir
For a sloppy snack

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5485.
My friend plays a joke
Gives me SPAM made of rubber
Don't even notice

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5486.
Bumper box of SPAM
Assortment of new products
Mmm, chocolate SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5487.
In the can of SPAM
A severed human finger
Pleasant texture change

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5488.
Cryptic word on can
Photo of pink cube on plate
Pink mass lodged inside

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5489.
Friend went overseas
I left SPAM inside his house
A coming home gift

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5490.
On one day each year
SPAM cans rotate so they face
Hormel, their mecca

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5491.
Musician's solo
Instrument makes strangled squeak
SPAM in his trumpet

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5492.
New! SPAM in a tube
Squeeze out a long piece of it
Use it as toothpaste

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5493.
Walking through jungle
Sink up to waist in pink goo
I've stepped in quickspam!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5494.
Marketing idea:
Hormel should sell SPAM jelly
Bottled, for drinking

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5495.
Helping out the poor
I offered the needy SPAM
Bruises are healed now

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5496.
I present to you
The Seven Virtues of SPAM
Read on, see the truth

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5497.
Indestructible:
Chopped, grilled, minced, baked, or sautéed
It is always SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5498.
Immortality:
Leave it for ten thousand years
Still as good as new

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5499.
It's unvarying:
Buy it in any country
The same as always

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au
5500.
A pure honesty:
SPAM never pretends to be
Something that it's not

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

Move forwards to Numbers 5501-5600.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.

John Nagamichi Cho

SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.