SPAM Haiku 5701-5800

Move backwards to Numbers 5601-5700.


5701.
If you had to choose,
Which would you eliminate?
SPAM, or Olsen twins?
--maia the wonderlemur

5702.
I can laugh at you.
You've all been traumatized. I've
Never tasted SPAM.

--maia the wonderlemur

5703.
Smear the SPAM on me
Damn, this shit be tastin' GOOD
Big tsunami pie

--Anonymous

5704.
I don't eat much SPAM
I'd rather eat tuna fish
Nope just don't like SPAM

--Anonymous

5705.
SPAM is good on goats
Make me eat your hot SPAM now
SPAM's out of season

--Anonymous

5706.
No mo' OJ SPAM
Beat THIS you SPAM eater, you
The rain in SPAM falls...

--Anonymous

5707.
canoes pulled ashore,
the campfire crackles with pine:
spamburgers deluxe.

--Baird Brown, bairdbrown@aol.com

5708.
he drinks champagne from
slippers, fondles underwear,
and collects blue cans.

--Baird Brown, bairdbrown@aol.com

5709.
swine herd at crossing,
heedless onrushing engine:
pâté de pork gras.

--Baird Brown, bairdbrown@aol.com

5710.
flame of one candle,
simple bottle of merlot,
spam for two and thou.

--Baird Brown, bairdbrown@aol.com

5711.
endless pounds of pink;
this is no carbo loading
but a spamathon.

--Baird Brown, bairdbrown@aol.com

5712.
I have eaten all
The spam in the house. There is
No more, Godspammit!!

--Josiah Drewry, LArdnugget@aol.com

5713.
The prince of all pigs
Gussied up in tuxedo
Looking quite spamsome.

--Josiah Drewry, LArdnugget@aol.com

5714.
gelatinous cube
quivering beneath your tin
you smell like my dad

--Anonymous

5715.
Regal pork product
Seductive lump of gristle
White trash pancetta

--Anonymous

5716.
Yummy processed SPAM
It comes in a large square can
It's great on crackers

--David M. Johnston, dmj@nun.oit.unc.edu

5717.
I have seen the pork
of my generation howl
pink into the can.

--Russell

5718.
Count Dracula tastes
his first bite of SPAM--too bad
he's already dead.

--Aaron

5719.
New sister-in-law
She's a vegetarian
Yet doesn't like SPAM

--Russell

5720.
Never tried the stuff
(I can't stand ham anyway)
Leave it in the tin!

--Russell

5721.
Homer Simpson likes
To have his SPAM with jelly
Marge and Lisa groan

--Russell

5722.
Send the SHAM SPAMku
Wrapped up in yellow and blue
Don't forget the key

--Russell

5723.
Lovely wet pink sludge
Roasting in the rusty pan
No longer hungry

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5724.
What is this substance?
Studied for years in secret
No, not of this earth

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5725.
Awful dilemma
Menu choices, hair, poo, SPAM
I will choose slow death

--Dave Rosenstock, rosend@worldnet.att.net

5726.
With a subtle thud
After falling through clean space
The slab touches steel

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5727.
Turn the little key
The aroma is now here
Quick, throw it away

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5728.
Wander through mean streets
Seeking the gel and meat slab
Never stop, never

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5729.
Weeks undiscovered
Hidden in the VCR
No movies, bad smell

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5730.
Sizzling in the pan
No genuine affection
Attempting suicide

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5731.
Ingot of pink gold
So pure in its intentions
Good taste never pledged

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5732.
Thinly sliced pleasure
Some do not agree with me
Prefer enema

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5733.
In post-SPAM twilight
Chanting intestinal dirge
Summoning pink dung

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5734.
To the winner, life
For second place, there is death
Third place must eat SPAM

--John Frendreiss, 74544.3552@compuserve.com

5735.
I consume much SPAM
Where do you buy pants so vast?
Big and Tall men's store

--Anonymous

5736.
Constipation looms
Eating innards blocks my own
Metamucil saves

--Anonymous

5737.
I love SPAM jelly
It gooshes in my fingers
Oh SPAM I love thee!!!!!!!

--Anonymous

5738.
A new flavor SPAM
Because it's red and hairy
Tickle Elmo SPAM

--Anonymous

5739.
Beavis and Butthead
Do America. Still, they
Shun Minnesota.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

5740.
"Only the finest
Pork byproducts in this loaf..."
"Huh huh. He said 'loaf.'"

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

5741.
"Bunghole! I am the
Great SPAMholio! I need
TP...lots of it!"

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

5742.
Relatives all gave
Me food packs with processed ham.
Damn them all to hell.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

5743.
Ate my Christmas SPAM.
All of it. On Jan. 6, had
An Epiphany.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

5744.
In New Orleans, for
Carnival, Bouef Gras. SPAM Gras
In Minnesota.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

5745.
Brain waves go berserk
4 AM and wide awake
SPAMKU addiction

--Eye

5746.
SPAM comes creeping up
when you expect it the least
like, during a kiss.

--Eye

5747.
"Lardass! Pig head! Boar!"
"SPAM!" gives the art of insult
a whole new meaning.

--Eye

5748.
Ruptured aneurysm?
"You'll NEVER be a surgeon!
Colon full of SPAM!"

--Eye

5749.
The fridge door opens,
meows of anticipation:
shit, she's eating SPAM!

--Eye

5750.
I'm the Queen of SPAM:
Seductive sow, rubber tits.
Take out your dentures!

--Eye

5751.
If the Challenger
had O-rings made out of SPAM
no one would have died.

--Eye

5752.
Wolfing down some SPAM--
Good thing I turned off my cam.
CUSeeMe? NOT!

--Eye

5753.
Bristle on my tongue
Shredded piglet in a can
Good as beetle dung

--Eye

5754.
"You would have swallowed
if you had really loved me."
She left him for SPAM.

--Eye

5755.
Energizer SPAM
It keeps coming and coming
till the juice is gone.

--Eye

5756.
SPAMKU come in spurts
Colonize my brain at night
Hot pink fantasies

--Eye

5757.
Metamorphosis:
Bite by bite I am transformed--
I've become pure SPAM.

--Eye

5758.
Aliens visit:
X-Files were right all along.
The SPAM is out there.

--Eye

5759.
Grab it! It feels good.
Mmm! Mmm! Finger-lickin' good...
(Hope no one saw that.)

--Eye

5760.
Come here, BooBoo, come!
Mommy's got good SPAM for you!
No claws! BAD kitty!

--Eye

5761.
He stared at her tits
and she knew he'd be cheating--
hot SPAM on his mind.

--Eye

5762.
Pink introduction
to disgust and seduction
and...liposuction.

--Eye

5763.
This ol' student's life:
money for the basic needs,
textbooks, beer, and SPAM.

--Eye

5764.
Alcohol or SPAM?
Fatty snouts, fatty liver--
the choice is easy.

--Eye

5765.
Baby, SPAM of mine
hey spamma-lamma-ding-dong
will you be my SPAM?

--Eye

5766.
Inspamnia reigns
I'll be dead MEAT tomorrow
Tired SPAM, fired I am...

--Eye

5767.
The best things in life
come in a can: beer and SPAM,
my boyfriend...sometimes.

--Eye

5768.
Will you buy me SPAM?
Will you love me forever?
SPAM by dashboard light.

--Eye

5769.
Ladies, quit nagging,
SPAM is better than a man!
Bite-size, no gagging.

--Eye

5770.
May I lick your meat?
You're addictive, you're so sweet,
Pink spot on the sheet.

--Eye

5771.
Bits and bytes, beware:
there's a virus in my SPAM.
GOOD TIMES in a can.

--Eye

5772.
SPAM gives me the blues,
SPAM gave you a fatty soul.
Use the cans for shoes.

--Eye

5773.
Friend of mine asked me
while slowly shaking his head:
Don't you have a LIFE ?

--Eye

5774.
How can you be sure
you don't repeat a SPAMKU?
Read all six thousand...

--Eye

5775.
My name REALLY sucks:
"Hammered Virgin" anagram,
SPAM turned into HAM.

--Ingrid Verhamme, iverham@CRL.COM

5776.
SPAM's a tasty treat
It's the famous mist'ry meat
It is good to eat

--Eh Canadian

5777.
"What's on the menu?"
"SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, sausage, and SPAM."
"I do not like SPAM."

--Eh Canadian

5778.
Beneath the gnarled tree,
The shaman scowls at the SPAM--
Curse the white devils!

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5779.
I finished the SPAM
Last night, and today I feel
Pigs' eyes upon me.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5780.
Moving in, we saw
A can of SPAM lodged behind
The self-cleaning stove.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5781.
SPAM whipped with egg yolks:
Hormel calls it "Spayonaise"
But no one buys it.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5782.
Curious white dots
Are sprinkled like confetti
In a pork parade

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5783.
SPAM smells so sexy.
A little behind the ears,
And I can date cops.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5784.
In blue Hawaii,
Friends had SPAM sushi, no lie.
Paradise indeed!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5785.
A salty pink sphinx
An edible enigma
Riddled with questions

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5786.
In a dark alley,
A kitten's first taste of SPAM.
Now it has eight lives.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5787.
A SPAM teddy bear
Brings the baby no comfort
And makes the crib smell.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5788.
The crackle of SPAM:
An electrifying sound,
Like prods on piglets.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5789.
Breakfast with O.J.
SPAM slices quiver and fall.
An evil laughter.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5790.
If pigs have no arms,
How is SPAM made from shoulders?
I want an answer.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5791.
I got some e-mail
That had been cross-posted to--
What? Oops, wrong archive.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5792.
The man on the street
Interview: "SPAM? It's meat, right?
Now leave me alone."

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5793.
Five, seven, and five
Are not enough to capture
The essence of SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5794.
You'll never see a
Celebrity endorsement
For SPAM. They're ashamed.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5795.
Pig lips and anus
Delectable on my plate
I am ecstatic!!!!!!!!!!!!

--Phil, phi@raptor.slc.edu

5796.
People live and die
Hormel makes immortal meat
SPAM springs eternal

--Jan van der Banck

5797.
Do not taunt the SPAM
SPAM is our most trusted friend
Eat it on a roll

--Meagan Neary

5798.
Samson had no hair
Pulled the temple pillars down
Got his strength from SPAM

--Pope Spam I

5799.
The fuzzy pink meat
It's horrendous oozing flesh
Where's my pet weasel??

--Jordan Lighthart

5800.
k. d. lang and SPAM
obvious intestinal
hatred shall they meet?

--Pressed ham


Move forwards to Numbers 5801-5900.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.