7601.
SPAM on Happy Days
Arthur Fonzarelli's choice!
"Hey, SPAM is cool! Whoa."
--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net
7602.
Woke up next to SPAM
We had wild sex the last night
SPAM kisses my neck
--Tom Rylander
7603.
SPAM is like Jell-O
Only ham and pork flavored
J-E-L-L-O
--Tom Rylander
7604.
At first there was SPAM
Then came chemical warfare
Coincidence? No
--TOM RYLANDER
7605.
Once there was a pig
Who was born from two siblings
The pig produced SPAM
--Tom Rylander
7606.
What if we are all
SPAM in the lunchmeat of life
Sharks will not eat us
--Tom Rylander
7607.
SPAM is in prison
For attempting mass poison
Persecuted SPAM
--Tom Rylander
7608.
Cousin of head cheese
A slimy meat byproduct
Flagship of Hormel
--Anonymous
7609.
The Colonel's new plan
Slabs of Kentucky Fried SPAM
Finger lickin' good!
--Anonymous
7610.
What does your name mean?
Absent from dictionary
SPAM is not a word
--Anonymous
7611.
You are what you eat
Scientific horror tale
I have become SPAM
--Anonymous
7612.
June '37:
SPAMelia Earhart proves
That pigs cannot fly.
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7613.
Got mad at someone.
Filled their car with SPAM, and it
then smelled really bad.
--Lady Pixel, ladypixel@geocities.com
7614.
Rubbed SPAM on their car.
Coated it with greasy pink
stuff, then let it sit.
--Lady Pixel, ladypixel@geocities.com
7615.
Rubbed SPAM on the seats;
it turned them a rather bad
color, but who cares?
--Lady Pixel, ladypixel@geocities.com
7616.
Put all the SPAM cans
in the rear, but glued a few
on top of the trunk.
--Lady Pixel, ladypixel@geocities.com
7617.
The trunk was neatly
decorated with the cans.
We were very proud.
--Lady Pixel, ladypixel@geocities.com
7618.
Once the car was done,
we walked away, smiling lots.
We were very sick.
--Lady Pixel, ladypixel@geocities.com
7619.
When I'm feeling blue
All that I have to do is
Eat a slice or two...
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7620.
...Then I'm not so blue--
More a greyish green color...
Pass the sick bucket!
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7621.
Saw my dog eat SPAM
"You horrible dog!" I cried
He's a cannibal
--Allison L and Olin S, joseats@unity.ncsu.edu
7622.
have you seen new SPAM
a spread in little round can
DO NOT try this shit
--J.Larson, larsonja@ohsu.edu
7623.
I feel a bit sick,
To the bathroom double quick!
Oh no, it's too late!
--Nathan Hardin & Sarah Gray
7624.
Drenched in pineapple
Palm fronds reflected in goo
Old-fashioned luau
--Richard Wiesler
7625.
spam spam spam spam spam
I will not eat jellied ham
oh spam oh spam spam
--cdb
7626.
Blue can holds surprise
Highly offensive putrid
Stench of rotting flesh
--Anonymous
7627.
Who dares to touch it?
The cold slab of dirty SPAM
On the kitchen floor.
--Anonymous
7628.
Bum hits the jackpot:
Two warm beers and can of SPAM.
Detox overtime.
--Anonymous
7629.
Bloated pig carcass
Chop, grind, and stuff into can
May be used as food
--Anonymous
7630.
My nose registers
Jelly encrusted pork loaf
I hack with dry heaves
--Anonymous
7631.
Who sane could serve this
Carcinogenic lunch meat?
Turkish prison chef.
--Anonymous
7632.
Vomit recipe:
SPAM, Cheez Whiz, on Wonder Bread
Or, maybe just SPAM
--Anonymous
7633.
Make a SPAM milkshake:
Blend warm SPAM with mint ice cream...
Serve in used ashtray.
--Anonymous
7634.
As I floss my teeth
Chunks of SPAM fly at mirror
My stomach growling
--Anonymous
7635.
SPAM poem written
In three lines of five, seven,
And five syllables.
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7636.
You are what you eat,
You greasy blob of wobbly,
Fetid, pink blubber!
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7637.
Here's a tip for those
Who enjoy the taste of SPAM:
Try coprophagy.
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7638.
Mary had a lit-
tle SPAM; gynecologist
was flabbergasted!
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7639.
When production was
Stepped up at Hormel the pigs
Were on their last legs...
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7640.
Are you wondering?
What SPAM is really made of?
It's lips and assholes.
--The Analog Kid
7641.
Monkey Spanking Boy
Is one really sick puppy.
(Must have SPAM for brains.)
--I Hate Monkey Spanking Boy
7642.
Warm SPAM afterglow
Hundreds of empty blue cans
Cannot feel my toes
--Habib Lopes, wolf666@ix.netcom.com
7643.
SPAM, jelly-like cube
combination of tofu
and lard--heart attack
--Anonymous
7644.
tofu, by-product
when lard is removed from the
gelatinous cube
--Anonymous
7645.
Tissues in SPAM loaf
Identified by students
Bio 101
--Marilyn C. Ball, mball@rsbs.anu.edu.au
7646.
Working late in lab
Pink substitute for dinner
SPAM supports science
--Marilyn C. Ball, mball@rsbs.anu.edu.au
7647.
Thesis revisions
Spring degree, requiem feast
Slice another SPAM
--Marilyn C. Ball, mball@rsbs.anu.edu.au
7648.
First Di, now Mother
Teresa. Hormel execs
Can't believe their luck.
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7649.
Slums of Calcutta.
SPAM donated by the ton.
The poor go berserk.
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7650.
Teresa's body
Set upon a pyre of SPAM.
Lit. Oh god, the stench.
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7651.
Frenzied followers
Throw themselves upon the fire.
Soon, agony ends.
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7652.
Bad news, Catholics.
Just read that Hormel will make
Communion wafers.
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7653.
North Korea starves.
UN airdrops SPAM. Regime
Quickly surrenders.
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7654.
Box: "AmeriCares."
But when shipments include SPAM,
it's "AmeriScares."
--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com
7655.
When my spirit's gone
Cover me with clear jelly
And seal me up tight.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
7656.
Leaves crunch below like
The articulated pop
Of SPAM in hot grease.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
7657.
During a nuclear
War, SPAM's expiration date
Is later than Earth's.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
7658.
Whose powerful hand
Changed this empty can to a
Blue accordion?
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
7659.
Everything's a blur.
Take it from me--never smear
SPAM on your glasses.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
7660.
Umbrellas blooming.
The can on the street replaced
Meat with summer rain.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
7661.
I ate too much SPAM
It's pork and bones and dog mess
Get me to the bowl
--Anonymous
7662.
Monkey Spanking Boy
Is he really sick puppy
Or sick mastermind?
--son of I Hate Monkey Spanking Boy
7663.
I dreamed I was SPAM.
Now I wonder. Am I SPAM
dreaming I'm a man?
--Michael Kubacki, duck3351@aol.com
7664.
MSB, change the
Record, uh? Stop spanking a
Dead monkey, you jerk!
--Obi Wanker Nobi
7665.
(...Holy shit! I thought
The best thing you could do with
SPAM was SELF abuse!)
--Obi Wanker Nobi
7666.
...I could get into
This! Go boil your head, SHAM, you
Bag of pig parts! YES!!
--Obi Wanker Nobi
7667.
SPAM? I've been eating
It for years and it's never
Done me any h-ARRGHHH!!
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7668.
"Stay back, SPAM coppers!
I got a key and I ain't
Afraid to use it!"
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7669.
Jailed Burt Lancaster
Feeds SPAM to feathered friends: Bird
Brain of Alcatraz.
--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
7670.
Why is SPAM like a
politician, save one thing?
Pork without the shit
--Cholesterol 300
7671.
Fab new diet plan
Eat SPAM until you are sick
Won't eat for a week
--Cholesterol 300
7672.
Pentagon buys SPAM
Army moves on its stomach
Gut cramps in khaki
--Cholesterol 300
7673.
thoughts of suicide
ready to kill myself now
overdose on SPAM
--Anonymous
7674.
SPAM of my heart true
SPAM of my soul, I love you
SPAM, I will kill you!!!
--Neil Davidson, knd@who.net
7675.
No need for insults
Monkey Spanking Boy loves you
The way he loves SPAM
--MSB
7676.
Monkey Spanking Boy
New credit card, no limit
SPAM by the truckload
--son of MSB
7677.
Monkey Spanking Boy
Empty cans, dry loaves abound
New SPAM gel hot tub
--son of MSB
7678.
Monkey Spanking Boy
Files for Chapter Eleven
Auctions off his SPAM
--son of MSB
7679.
Inedible shell
Containing chopped pork products
Epicure's nightmare
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7680.
Fat, flesh, pink-gel-stuff...
Strangely nebulous substance
We'll eat anything
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7681.
SPAM as acronym:
Salted Pink Amorphous Meat
It defines itself
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7682.
Pig transmogrified
Exoskeletal armor
Warrior of Pork
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7683.
Hot pan cooks the slice
Aroma floats up, away.
The sun starts to rise.
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7684.
Pork meat pulverized
Pressed into a smallish loaf
Surrounded by steel
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7685.
Gastronomic fool
Acknowledge your weak palate
You'll buy a blue can
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7686.
Devil in a can
Tempts your body, meat-fat-salt
"How much for your soul?"
--Paul Bench, bier@mill.net
7687.
Tin can burial
Cornucopia of pig
Resting in pieces
--Paul Bench and two others
7688.
Parts of pigs entombed
Pull The Tab to resurrect
Our salivation
--Dave Cipra
7689.
O canned pig, now dead
Your shrieking squeals are silenced
Packaged, now a meal
--Dave Cipra
7690.
My SPAM does not work
I told it to clean my house
And nothing happened
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7691.
"I shall not lose hope!
There is still SPAM in the world!"
Then sobbed and slit wrists
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7692.
Giant cans of SPAM
Fall from sky and crush Plucky
The Spamvil Chorus
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7693.
Ancient evil wakes
Shadow ships scream in the night
Attack with SPAM ray
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7694.
Four banes walk the land
Portents of Apocalypse
Death, War, Barney, SPAM
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7695.
SPAM is leftover
Pork from dawn of Universe
Compressed in Planck time.
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7696.
That poor, poor fellow!
Once he ate a piece of SPAM
Now he's addicted
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7697.
How much SPAM would a
Spamchuck chuck if a spamchuck
Could chuck SPAM? Not much.
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7698.
Microsoft Barney
Surely the darkness draws nigh
We will fight the SPAM!
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7699.
Beta-test new SPAM
"It's almost inedible!"
"Almost" not enough.
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com
7700.
A nuclear winter
SPAM lingers in atmosphere
Agonizing death
--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com