SPAM Haiku 8301-8400

Move backwards to Numbers 8201-8300.

8301.
Bead of tear-like sweat
Slowly trickles over SPAM
My soul in torment

--Carolyn Zaremba, carolyn@furth.com

8302.
San Francisco SPAM
Something no one ever sees
Sublimated lust

--Carolyn Zaremba, carolyn@furth.com

8303.
Sniveling shit scar
Scraping SPAM from accidents
Itching armpits scream

--Carolyn Zaremba, carolyn@furth.com

8304.
God said, "Let there be
SPAM," and it was not good but
He just let it be.

--Lilith Sedai

8305.
I am mailing ALL
The SPAMku to my 'net friends.
I thought I'd spam them.

--Lilith Sedai

8306.
Sit and read SPAMku
Stomach growls and lurches hard
Hungry or sickened?

--Lilith Sedai

8307.
I want my dinner
I would go home and cook food
But I don't have SPAM

--Lilith Sedai

8308.
I watch Deep Space Nine
Founders are made of old SPAM
All brown and squishy

--Lilith Sedai

8309.
The people in here
Are scared of me because I
Keep snorting SPAM-chunks

--Lilith Sedai

8310.
SPAM is in the can,
Oozing into urinals:
All pink and jaunty.

--Lilith Sedai

8311.
I ate Twinkies once.
They make my throat burn real bad.
So does that damn SPAM.

--Lilith Sedai

8312.
A little square can
In a row upon a shelf
Calls to my bowels

--Zatoichi -san

8313.
free as spam can be
spam shall be as free spam can
shall be free be spam?

--Detlef Gruber, buckadams@hotmail.com

8314.
As I thought of SPAM,
I knew that I knew little.
SPAM won't enlighten.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, AAWEINMA@COE.EDU

8315.
Any additives?
Yes, petroleum jelly.
Good for complexion.

--Anonymous

8316.
only a pea-brain
not reading between the lines
has spam religion

--Carolyn Zaremba, carolyn@furth.com

8317.
Virgin Airbus, OH!
British grit hero pilot
Hail, SPAM commander!

--Anonymous

8318.
Is there life on Mars?
Yes! Intelligent SPAM lords
Our doom is now sealed.

--chris deneen, chrisdeneen@mindspring.com

8319.
Succulent pink flesh
Heaving cube of womanhood
Really need a date

--chris deneen, chrisdeneen@mindspring.com

8320.
Wish I was Jewish
Then I know I could resist
But no... must have SPAM!

--chris deneen, chrisdeneen@mindspring.com

8321.
Uranus becomes
A gas giant due to SPAM.
Asstronomical!

--Pyotr X.

8322.
At Wise Kings you find
A can of SPAM in Aisle One
For two ninety-nine

--Boaz

8323.
Is SPAM great to fuck?
Pink, shiny, squishy, and moist.
Our answer is: yes.

--Anonymous

8324.
Lobster thermidor
with a nice Hollandaise sauce,
fresh lemon, and SPAM.

--Anonymous

8325.
Is SPAM for the queer?
'Tis male yet it doth wear pink.
Plus, 'tis shiny. Hmmmmmm........

--Gay rights guy

8326.
Bow to the Hormel!
They create the mighty SPAM!
Bow to the Hormel!!!

--Fat-ass

8327.
SPAM, chop it up, yeah!
Make SPAM stew and SPAM soup, OH!!!
SPAM shit kicks ass! WHOA!!!

--Spam-shitter, www.Pythonline.com

8328.
look at that big spam
how would you like to eat that
spit out errant hair

--Don Neary, jbeav@genesisnet.net

8329.
immigrants lured here
by the promise of pork lips
molded into spam

--brendadaughterofimmigrants

8330.
SPAM is really good.
Everyone sing and shout, yeah!
SPAM is really good.

--oldasdirt, oldasdirt@hotmail.com

8331.
there is none for spam
he who is not of the ham
will not understand

--jasasolo, snowluv@hotmail.com

8332.
James eats SPAM today!
Pig parts in his mouth always!
Bless that can of SPAM!!

--Karen Pavita, SPAM@pig.guts.edu

8333.
A Nathan's hotdog,
Delicatessen mustard.
Still. It's not my SPAM.

--Ira Slotkin, manycats@wic.net

8334.
Insanely formed meat
Unsuitable for humans
Carnivorous joy!

--Philip C. Robinson, Bedlam@InZenity.org

8335.
The check's in the mail
I'll respect you tomorrow
There's meat in your SPAM

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8336.
Sally Jesse SPAM
"Folks who roll naked on meat"
The crowd eats it up

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8337.
I get STV
With my new satellite dish
SPAM television

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8338.
Hello MEAT TV
I watch the Sausage Network
And the SPAM channel

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8339.
Veins meet trails of fat
Death in angry wrecked tangles
Meaty punishment

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8340.
"There's no place like pork"
Dorothy tries to visit
The Wizard of SPAM

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8341.
Thank you, Santa SPAM
Although I love my present
I'd rather have coal

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8342.
Princess Porcina
Bound to a conveyor belt
Head nears sharp slicer

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8343.
What will happen then
To our SPAMsel in distress?
"Oh, save me Prince Pork!"

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8344.
Brave Prince rushes in
And conquers evil Hormel.
"Pork, you're my hero."

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8345.
Pork leaps out of tin
And proceeds to kick some butt
It's Jean-Claude Van SPAMME

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8346.
Parent's worst nightmare:
"Look, Mommy, I'm eating SPAM."
Emergency room.

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8347.
Sacrilegious Pork
Absolutely Morbid. (eat
up, america)

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8348.
Las Vegas breakfast
The number 3 is ten cents
All-you-can-eat SPAM

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8349.
Cut up my fingers
On the sides of a SPAM can
Thick crimson gravy

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8350.
Cracker Jack surprise
Grease covers tiny wrapper
Thin slice of SPAM hides

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

8351.
Like a fake orgasm
When friends serve SPAM for dinner
I fake enjoyment

--Uncle Jay

8352.
SPAM, evocative
of people's greatest feelings...
What a poignant muse.

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

8353.
I am disgusted
with this so-called meat product
SPAM. It's just plain sick...

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

8354.
jelly-topped wonder
slithering out of its can
onto her firm breasts

--cody, cdd4775@usl.edu

8355.
wasting time away
wishing for a million bucks
chewing SPAM like cud

--mike geraty, mgeraty@atgsystems.com

8356.
does SPAM consume you?
do you have SPAM on the brain?
SPAMKU? are you mad?

--mike geraty, mgeraty@atgsystems.com

8357.
Alien bodies
Sent by Air Force to Hormel...
Making SPAM unique!

--Agent X

8358.
Ah, the smell of SPAM!
Sizzles in your hot skillet
Grab the antacid

--whiteagle

8359.
Question: What came first:
Bypass surgery or SPAM?
Ponder this, piglet

--whiteagle

8360.
Give me some SPAM now
and then I will show you how
well SPAM fits in pants.

--Mee

8361.
Some formal Ph-
D boys spoof Brahms' melody,
"SPAM," by Hormel Foods.

--Wayne E. Baisley, baisley@fnal.gov

8362.
Sammy beholds proof:
PhDs' foamy bloomers--
mashy problem foods

--Wayne E. Baisley, baisley@fnal.gov

8363.
Yummy happy SPAM
Packed into its can with lots
Of K-Y Jelly

--Lilith Sedai

8364.
I am carrying
SPAM on the bus to my house
Can's in my backpack

--Lilith Sedai

8365.
SPAM with peach Jell-O!
Just watch the sublime pinkness
Trembling on my plate.

--Lilith Sedai

8366.
SPAM and cold baked beans
Good meal for Saddam Hussein
Eat and fart and die

--Lilith Sedai

8367.
If not for SPAM, I
Might have a steak for dinner.
Just think what I'd miss.

--Lilith Sedai

8368.
Pigs, out of control
running from the fear of death.
Help! It's a spampede!

--Dave Manley

8369.
Sty Stallone movie
Fighting pigs in a jungle
The mighty Spambo!

--Dave Manley

8370.
I will save the world
I will design a "clean car"
Run on SPAM jelly

--Dave Manley

8371.
College basketball
Has the hottest new player
His name: God Spamgodd

--Dave Manley

8372.
New British rock group
Curly, Hoggles, Snout, Jelly
And Pinky: SPAM Girls!

--Dave Manley

8373.
SPAMBURGER hamburg
Nice name but just one question
Gets me: where's the beef?

--Mike Smith

8374.
Whom the gods wish to
Destroy they first make into
SPAM haiku writers.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8375.
SPAMku, trainspotting
And Pot Noodle: Welcome to
Anorak City!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8376.
SPAM, SPAM, served tonight.
You bless us with your presence.
Your goodness in us.

--Worker of Many Grocery, Spamspamspamspam@muchmorespam.com

8377.
I bought you at Kings.
Wow, I was so excited.
Hmmm? Is that a snout?

--Worker of Many Grocery, Spamspamspamspam@muchmorespam.spam

8378.
Hints of blood and guts
Tub of blubber wonderful
Goes with any meal

--James D. Rhead, Jrhead@coair.com

8379.
From guts to glory
What cruel process formed this form?
Reorganized mass

--James D. Rhead, Jrhead@coair.com

8380.
Pink, misunderstood
Glob of suffering sinews
Not unlike my brain

--James D. Rhead, Jrhead@coair.com

8381.
I can only guess
At gelatinous pig parts
I've never tried SPAM

--Jenny D.

8382.
sweet fleshy mystique
clever process undisclosed
sly pinkish swinemeat?

--duncan/patty/chris, bah!

8383.
Greasy, slimy mess.
Slippery chunks of tough meat.
SPAM? No! Jellied eel!

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au

8384.
"SPAM! SPAM!" it cries out
"Perverse and stupid are you!"
"Be MY valentine!"

--Todd Gifford, giffordt@tiger.hsc.edu

8385.
At Jesus's birth
The wise men brought Him three gifts:
Gold, myrhh, and SPAM spread!

--Anonymous

8386.
SUPERCALAFRA
GELISTICEXPIALA
DOTIOUSpAm RuLeS aLL

--AZB ku son

8387.
People of the world
Gather and eat SPAM tonight
It's all in good fun

--Jessica, ectasy@mailcity.com

8388.
I've not tasted SPAM
Since Carter was President
God, how I miss it!

--Craig Beresford, cberesford@mtserv.com

8389.
Bought a can of SPAM
for inspiration, not food.
Never touch the stuff.

--mike geraty, mgeraty@atgsystems.com

8390.
If SPAM were alive,
eating SPAM would be murder.
Thank God that it's dead!

--Scott Mathison, smathison@unitrac.com

8391.
Cafeterias
In high schools throughout our state
Serve SPAM once a week

--Craig Beresford, cberesford@mtserv.com

8392.
Oddly, To Serve SPAM
(A book the aliens had)
Was not a cookbook!

--Craig Beresford, cberesford@mtserv.com

8393.
SPAM SPAM we love you!
Pink chunks sitting on a plate.
Hot damn! We must wait...

--Spamaholics Anonymous (K.F. chapter)

8394.
On rice, or with eggs
A salty tinge on my tongue
Heaven in a can

--kent in Hawaii, sumo@hula.net

8395.
ectoplasmic meat
autumn leaves of fleshy pink
fall upon my plate

--IggySuePea, IggySuePea@aol.com

8396.
If it weren't for SPAM
The United States would not
Have won World War Two

--Craig Beresford, cberesford@mtserv.com

8397.
Fox Mulder ponders
The extraterrestrial
Origin of SPAM

--Craig Beresford, cberesford@mtserv.com

8398.
I feel no remorse
It was already roadkill
SPAM between my treads

--Michael DeFerrari

8399.
Sudden need to eat
Encrusted SPAM on table
Not pimento loaf

--Anonymous

8400.
Your wretched masses
Yearn to join this melting pot:
Spamericanized.

--Immigration Officer