12/5/04
[Ethan]: hey molls
[Me]: oui? [A four-minute pause.]
[Ethan]: oui?
[Me]: that's french for "yes"
[Ethan]: oooh
11/20/04 [Ethan, Laura, and I discuss the junior-senior P/D/F option.]
Ethan: Well, I know I can pass the class. I might get a D, but I'll still pass.
Laura: No, if you get a D you don't pass. That's why they call it "junior-senior P/D/F."
Ethan: I thought they just called it that because it sounded better than junior-senior P/F!
10/24/04 [Laura's birthday cake is from the Cheesecake Factory. Stephen looks at the nutrition facts. Referring to the number of calories in one slice,]
Stephen: Wow, that's a decent SAT score!
Ethan: Yeah, that's higher than I got!
9/27/04 [An oldie but goodie, probably from 2002.]
Ethan: I could go to medical school. [General derision from the group, culminating in the question "Oh yeah? Then what kind of doctor would you go to medical school to be?"] If I were a doctor, I would be the hardest kind!
8/3/04
[Ethan]: but it was our thing.. me and you
[Ethan]: we argued for like a week about it
[Me]: we did not
[Ethan]: we did argue about it
[Me]: i'm looking it up in my aim logs
[Me]: august 4, 2003:
[Me]:
[Me]: can we get a shower curtain for the suite?
[Me]: pleeeeease?
[Me]: they have one with monkeys on it at urban outfitters
[Ethan]: if you want to buy it...
[Me]: REALLY???
[Ethan]: i dont care
[Ethan]: see, i put up a fight
6/6/04
Ethan: Oh that Ethan... what a smelly boy.
5/11/04
Me: You're just as weird as I am.
Ethan: But I'm awesome.
5/7/04 [Ethan and Alex go out drinking for the first (and probably last) time ever after turning 21.]
Ethan: The pudginess factor! It's the pudginess factor!
Ethan: You don't have to see me pee like a race horse to see it.
Ethan: [to me] Just so you know, right now you have 4 eyes.
Ethan: [to everybody] Bastards! Fuckers! [repeated multiple times]
4/3/04 [Laura, Ethan, and I talk about freshman year and furniture stores.]
Ethan, examining himself closely in the mirror: No, but seriously, I'm hot.
3/30/04
Laura: [to me] Well, that's just because you like the way I sing.
Ethan: What? What are you saying to me?
Me: She's not talking to you. She said that I just think that because I like the way she sings.
Ethan: Who likes the way [name withheld] sings?
Laura: No, she likes the way I sing.
Ethan: But what did you say about liking the way [name withheld] sings?
Me: No! She -- Laura -- said, 'You' meaning me, 'like the way I' meaning Laura, 'sing.' And she wasn't even talking to you!
Ethan: I'm not going to try to understand. You're confusing me. [Editor's note: Is this confusing? In the least? Ethan appears to be developing hearing problems, judging by the last two quotes.]
3/6/04
Laura: Is there a gym nearby?
Ethan: A what?
Laura: A gym?
Ethan: A what?
Laura: A gym?
Ethan: ...A person?
Laura: A gym! Not like Jim Culver!
3/4/04 [Me, Laura, and Ethan talk about little hoey girls.]
Me: Wow, it's like she's trying to sleep with the whole suite. Collect them all!
Ethan: Like Beanie Babies?
Me: Or Pokemon.
Ethan: You can collect Pokemon? I thought it was a TV show.
2/19/04
[Tulasi]: yeah, you'd never be perverse.... HAHAHAHAHA
[Ethan]: yeah, kind of like you and dirty words
[Tulasi]: no way... HAHA O:-)
[Ethan]: exactly. that's what i am too... an angle [Editor's note: And what an obtuse angle he is...]
2/7/04
Me: We always lose at Euchre because Alex is B-A-D L-U-C-K. [Ethan thinks for a long moment.]
Ethan: Bad luck! I hate it when you spell things.
1/27/04 [A Course 10, a Course 10/7, and a Course 9/7 discuss bacteria and how they are useful.]
Ethan, self-importantly: Well, I don't know about you, but I'm okay with E. boli not coming back. [Editor's note: It is unclear whether Ethan actually meant E. coli or Ebola.]
1/25/04 [Playing Euchre. Trump is hearts. Diamonds is led.] [Ethan plays the jack of diamonds.]
Me: Do you have another diamond? That's not really a diamond, it's a heart.
Ethan: Oh! [Plays the nine of hearts.]
Alex: No, do you have a diamond?
Ethan: Oh! [Plays the ten of spades.]
12/19/03 [I give Ethan a coupon for Mountain Dew: Buy one, get one free. I ask him to buy me a Mountain Dew. Ethan comes back with one Mountain Dew and gives me the coupon back.]
Ethan: They didn't accept the coupon. They said you had to buy one to get one free.
Me: Yes...? Isn't that the point of "buy one, get one free"?
Ethan: Well, I thought you only wanted one.
Me: So instead of paying for one and getting one free, you just paid for one. Am I the only one who realizes this is ridiculous? [To Alex, who is snickering:] He's your twin.
[I talk about getting an electric blanket for Christmas.]
Ethan: You know you're not supposed to go to sleep with those on, right?
Me: Yeah.
Ethan: Great. Mollie's going to go to sleep with the electric blanket on and give us all cancer.
Me: What?!? [Alex laughs in bemusement.]
Ethan: What? I'm gonna go crawl in her bed one day and get out with cancer!
12/15/03 [I show Ethan a comic that says "Why don't you make like a tree and grow for hundreds of years before being cut down for lumber?"]
Ethan: I don't get it.
Me: Haven't you ever heard the saying "Make like a tree and leave"?
Ethan: No. And that's stupid anyway. Trees can't go anywhere.
12/7/03
This one time, my cousin had a baby. I was afraid to hold it because I thought I was going to make it uglier!
11/24/03
Phil: Do you speak a foreign language?
Me: Ethan speaks English. That's a foreign language for him.
Ethan: My first language is gibberish!
11/16/03 [Ethan is supposed to wake me up at noon. He does not, and I wake up on my own at 12:30 and go to take a shower. Ethan comes into the bathroom during my shower and says something, but I can't understand him. Later:]
Me: What were you jawing about when I was in the shower?
Ethan: I was supposed to wake you up.
Me: Yes...?
Ethan: I was checking to see if you were up.
Mollie, you know I would do anything for you girls. I would bear your children!
11/11/03 [Responding to Laura's denial of saying something or other] I'm going to get a video camera, so I can be right all the time!
Ethan: When I grow up, one of the rooms in my house is going to have a floor made of water.
Carl: Yeah, it's called a pool.
10/30/03
Alex: Me and Ethan are like the movie Twins.
Ethan [swinging from the pipe outside my door]: I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Me [sarcastically]: Yeah, you look like Arnold Schwarzeneggar. You're so cut.
Ethan: Well, I'm totally buff. But I was saying that because he was the smart one in the movie. [Swings sideways on the bar and slams into the wall.]
10/29/03 [Singing to himself as he walks from the suite lounge to his room] I am sooooo sexy...
10/21/03 Auto response from Ethan: sleeping yet again... possible diagnosis: Strep, Mono, gandus [Editor's note: Gandus = jaundice... yeah.]
10/18/03
Tulasi: Isn't this eyeshadow metro? Like, fe-metro?
Ethan: What even is fe-metro? Wouldn't that be wearing a toolbelt or something?
10/6/03
Just you wait until I get rich! I'm going to buy you guys plane tickets and strand you in the desert without a car. Then you'll see how hilarious it is!
10/5/03
I can't focus! I needed paper, and I went into my room to get paper, and I started doing other stuff, so I went back into the lounge, when I realized that I still needed paper. So I went back in my room, and I was like, 'Ooh, crackers!'
[Editor's note: The above was wailed while Ethan stood in my doorway, shaking a package of Ritz crackers, wearing the hood from his hooded sweatshirt with a baseball cap on top. Tulasi saw him and called him "ghetto sheik".]
9/22/03
Phil: Who left the stove unattended?
Ethan: It was Mollie. It's always Mollie. That's why we all die all the time.
Mollie: Did you hear what you just said? Do you realize how little sense you make on a day-to-day basis?
9/13/03
Ethan: Men don't think. We're just bouldering fools!
Rose: Don't you mean blundering?
Ethan: Oh yeah. I'm on a mission to turn the world illiterate!
9/8/03
Every day, I look at myself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, I am just getting hotter and hotter!'
9/7/03
Mollie: White rice is just brown rice polished.
Ethan: Really? I thought brown rice was made with molasses.
Mollie: Ethan, that's brown sugar.
