1.
Unmitigated
misfortune amused him so;
old age, a delight.
2.
The weed makes them smile
The speed makes them do things fast
And the greed takes both
3.
Single currency
Brings success where Hitler failed
Euro unity
4.
Little Englander
Thinks the war never ended
How very British!
5.
A religious man
Worships his kind, loving God
And kills those who don't
6.
Thousands killed or maimed
But I escaped uninjured.
Praise the gentle Lord.
7.
Perjury is vile,
say Senate Republicans--
what of Ollie North?
8.
Now we see Clinton
Cares for nothing but image.
We buy into it.
9.
Liddy quits Red Cross,
Hints at presidential bid.
Great, just what we need.
10.
Give us a real choice--
Bob Kerrey or John McCain--
not more narcissists.
11.
Better yet, throw out
Democrats and GOP
and vote Green Party.
12.
New York governor
proposes ending parole.
Throw away the key!
13.
Preventing the crime
is the only noble goal;
punishment is base.
14.
Carbon dating proves
that Senator Strom Thurmond
IS older than dirt.
15.
Sitting in judgment,
senators haggle over
Clinton's punishment.
16.
How can they decide
trial's outcome before they
hear the evidence?
17.
Speculation wrong
The young man is to marry
(Just like Tchaikovsky)
18.
Tornadoes are bad,
They are ferocious and mean;
Take cover and quick!
19.
Winter winds smile as
snow flakes dance, swirling around
children's carefree laughs.
20.
Nature's eruption,
humans suffer needlessly;
cold-hearted fury!
21.
Blue December winds
whipping through snow-frozen minds.
Will warm hearts prevail?
22.
While Bill gets the Rack,
Al waits in awkward silence.
Politics dancing.
23.
Hillary knows it
Yet Bubba denies it all.
Strange bedfellows, they.
24.
Even as I write
Someone, somewhere, is tortured.
God, what a bastard.
25.
Who killed Jon Benet?
The parents seem suspicious
The humanities!
26.
Bubba-boy Clinton
Selling out to the Chinese
Won Ton patriot
27.
President Clinton
Has no honor in office
Seems more like Boss Hogg
28.
Hamburger hard times
First Mad Cow, then E. Coli
Who loves Bossy now?
29.
Was she a puppet?
Was Paula Jones being used
By angry husband?
30.
Gore's hopes start to dim
Money-raising phone calls put
His campaign on hold
31.
Sport's Lawrence Phillips
Goofball threw away career
Back to the streets now
32.
The Promise Keepers
They hate gays, women, and Jews
Sieg Heil McCartney
33.
Let's nuke Iraq now
We will have to drop the bomb
Sooner or later
34.
Clinton is impeached
On trial in the Senate
Will he be removed?
35.
They impeached our Bill
And want to call witnesses
He'll fight 'til the end
36.
I would like to know
Monica oh Monica
Why'd you flash that thong?
37.
Did they hear Bill sing,
"Monica Oh Monica
Light my menorah"
38.
Trouble in Brazil
The stock market has a fall
Then goes right back up
39.
Jordan has retired
After winning those six rings
Chi-town will miss him
40.
Number twenty three
The greatest player ever?
There is little doubt
41.
A message for Bill:
Why can't you be just like Mike
He knows when to quit
42.
Senator jurors
have to listen in silence.
Hell freezes over.
43.
Three inches hourly,
snow molds Earth to its liking:
rounded mounds of white.
44.
Tomatoes attacked
from outer-space; no warning.
Lack of values blamed.
45.
Pornographer strikes.
Politicians quake in boots.
Washington winter.
46.
Up the market goes
Higher than ever before
Crash, and it's all gone
47.
Troubled man, boxer
Animal inside the ring
Not so nice outside
48.
Tobacco firms are
the world's worst mass murderers.
Please, let's stub them out.
49.
I stink, and I cough
I've smoked cigarettes galore
Passively dying
50.
Clinton's speech was great
Nothing about Monica
For more than an hour
51.
Fifty-five GOPhers
Not enough to convict Bill
They need some Dems, too
52.
First it was Jordan
Now Scottie is a Rocket
What's left of the Bulls?
53.
How does Dick Morris
Qualify as a pundit
On morality?
54.
A little verbose
But Bill's ratings will be up
Tomorrow morning
55.
Did anyone else
Notice that Hillary got
More applause than Bill?
56.
Yugoslav tyrant
Slobodan Milosevic
Won't do what we say
57.
George W. Bush
Is now the gov of Texas
Eyeing Y2K
58.
Caesar's faults are grave;
But are these conspirators
Honorable men?
59.
Monica Monic,
our Monica Monic Mon,
please do fade away.
60.
If Monica talks,
will she show us diagrams?
He touched me here, there.
61.
Attention smokers!
Don't save for a rainy day
Just get well insured
62.
One more disaster.
Act of God kills thousands more.
Small minded vengeance?
63.
Witnesses are called
to sing like crazed canaries.
We yawn in b-flat.
64.
Nine blind tomatoes
from New York City sewers
enter politics.