1.
Stock market dollars
reproducing like rabbits;
money is horny.
2.
Old song stuck in brain,
lyrics almost remembered,
youth a memory.
3.
Senate trial slogs on,
sex, lies, and videotape,
House desperation.
4.
Tomato lobby
buys eleven Senators;
Washington feigns shock.
5.
Car strikes tomato.
Doctor says, "You'll live, but as
a vegetable."
6.
Tomatoes prefer
gentle sports, skip Super Bowl.
Higher form of life.
7.
Tomatoes in space?
Mars is called the red planet.
Coincidence? No.
8.
Temperatures climbing.
Ocean levels creeping up.
Tomatoes grow gills.
9.
Bill isn't worried
The Senate won't remove him
There aren't enough votes
10.
The Denver Broncos
Win another Super Bowl
Please, John--don't retire!
11.
Now they testify
Monica, Vernon, and Sid
What a waste of time
12.
Didn't he know that
"Niggardly" isn't racist
It just sounds that way
13.
Punxsatawny Phil
Let's hope he sees no shadow
Or we wait for spring
14.
February Two
Is when Punxsatawny Phil
Predicts the weather
15.
Kosovo at war
Clinton facing impeachment
See the tail wag dog
16.
Millennium cash
Budget surplus hits billions
Uncle Sam won't share
17.
Back against the wall
Flynt, Clinton, Carville make strange
Bedfellows indeed
18.
Hillary Clinton
Penis found on the road dead
Lorena Part Two
19.
Abortions legal
Millions of souls cry as one
Seeking redemption
20.
Liberal playing
With a few subtle musings.
Compassion will cost.
21.
What's democracy?
All our brain cells are jelling.
My dream said it's more.
22.
Caught in a Yea, Nay,
the Senators sit snoring.
Ditch the VCR.
23.
Death Row's old inmate--
Fiends had more money than you,
Innocent: but, dead.
24.
What is a haiku?
Truth caught up in a rhythm,
Your heart may open.
25.
Thick-skinned tomatoes
take whatever life hands out
but taste like toothpaste.
26.
Tomato censured,
vows revenge, next election.
Prudes get on our nerves.
27.
Tomato beats rap,
tells biggest lie, "I'll forgive,"
schemes to weed garden.
28.
I can't help it if
The Republicans have no
Sense of humidor.
29.
Me? Lie under oath?
It's not as though we're talking
"Iran-Contra" here.
30.
Maybe immoral,
Perhaps inappropriate,
But it was NOT sex!
31.
I'm sorry...that the
Republicans have made us
A world laughing-stock.
32.
How does "Whitewater"
Involve Monica who was
Just three at the time?
33.
A Presidential
Oath is not the same as a
Vow of chastity.
34.
Didn't inhale, so
Haven't smoked pot. Didn't do
"IT"...haven't had sex!
35.
Witnesses on tape?
NIXON would have videos
Of the whole affair.
36.
It wasn't "High Crime"
Just a small peccadillo--
Ask Miss Lewinsky!
37.
I'm sorry and I
(Mom, U.S.A., apple pie)
Won't do it again.
38.
Hoping she might be
Able to forget the past,
I sent the present.
39.
When I misbehaved,
How was I to know she would
Be a Starr witness?
40.
There are those of you
Who think I got off scot-free...
That's Hillarious!
41.
All Republican
Presidents from now on had
Better be saint-like.
42.
So? My given names
Are William Jefferson
NOT George Washington.
43.
Clinton is impeached.
Then, Clinton is acquitted.
Life in the farce lane!
44.
Tomato ripens
just like a bad plot: too fast.
Prime past in minutes.
45.
Scientists slow light
to 38 miles per hour
in witch's tit cold.
46.
Tour allure a lie.
Promises will be broken.
Take travelers' checks.
47.
Late-night tomato,
swinging from a tall, tall vine,
wants to do Vegas.
48.
U.S. bombs Iraq
while innocent people die.
When will he give up?
49.
I say tomatoes,
you say potatoes, we need
five more syllables.
50.
When Tomato Fats
enters any pool hall, flee,
clutching your money.
51.
Tomato in space
malfunctions, can't rotate right,
ripens on one side.
52.
Second tomato,
embittered by press neglect,
purées self to sauce.