SPAM Haiku 3301-3400

Move backwards to Numbers 3201-3300.


3301.
The school lunch ladies
used to say, "Just eat your SPAM
and shut the hell up!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3302.
Hey there little SPAM,
How we wonder what you am?
Dirty rotten swine.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3303.
SPAM Haiku Archive
Boss looks over my shoulder
Now I need a job!

--Krink, Falls Gulch, VA

3304.
taste of horseradish
complements and contrasts with
spam's heavy pinkness

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

3305.
scent of horseradish
blends subtly with eau du SPAM
like plaid and paisley!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

3306.
Pass this year's SPAM Dad.
Let deploy all flies and bugs:
Not their birthday too.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3307.
One looks at wet SPAMs.
One looks at politicians.
See how well they slide.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3308.
New York City sperm
Count blows away counts elsewhere...
Could it be the SPAM?

--Anonymous

3309.
i look at the spam
the spam looks right back at me
balance of power

--Chris Cieslak, ccieslak@uiuc.edu

3310.
pink square of noxious
pig flesh on the countertop.
i am quite nauseous.

--Chris Cieslak, ccieslak@uiuc.edu

3311.
the spam gets up and
says, "I am much more than just
SPiced hAM. i'm alive!"

--Chris Cieslak, ccieslak@uiuc.edu

3312.
SPAM, it's SPAM, it's in
My head (da da da da da)
Think it might be dead!

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3313.
What makes up with SPAM?
HAM + SPAGHETTI. Mm-mm!
It is all noodly!

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3314.
The future is bleak.
Overlord SPAM rules the world.
A white line nightmare.

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3315.
OH, GOD, NO! NO! NOOO!
SPAM has learned to use the 'net!
Surfing on SPAMNET!

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3316.
I've come to a point
Where I must ask myself this:
"Does SPAM rule my life?"

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3317.
In the old castle:
"King, the SPAM is revolting!"
"No suprise there, squire."

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3318.
I made SPAM haiku
Until I died. "Oh, God, what
did possess me to?"

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3319.
darth vader ate spam
it gave him really bad gas
his armor was fogged

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3320.
luke skywalker laughed
he could not stop doing it
his father got pissed

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3321.
darth took the spam can
and he launched it at young luke
it hit young luke's head

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3322.
now luke has a bump
it's as big as new jersey
now darth was laughing

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3323.
spam is the pillar
it keeps us all from dying
controls our short lives

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3324.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH...

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3325.
Coarse-grained hot dog cube
First cousin of bologna
No-crunch sausage block

--Cog, Cogito1271@aol.com

3326.
Armour in armor
Unlock your home with a key
Square metal turtle

--Cog, Cogito1271@aol.com

3327.
Oh give me a SPAM
That's honest and true. Square like
Me and thick like you.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3328.
Black cat drags about
his pink, purloined bite of SPAM
like an extra tongue.

--Meredith Merritt

3329.
Tabbies will titter
and grimalkins all guffaw!
should you offer SPAM.

--Meredith Merritt

3330.
Ruddy Somali
and Aby cats are vain, spurn
SPAM: their colors clash!

--Meredith Merritt

3331.
If we shred it small
with our tiny pointy claws
could we fool the fish?

--Meredith Merritt

3332.
E equals M C
squared. A tin of atomic
SPAM. Cold war lunch loaf.

--Anonymous

3333.
Friendly SPAM, down boy.
Don't bite me there SPAM, OW OW!
SPAM bit them both off.

--Mark Mashiotta

3334.
The cat in the box
is Schrödinger's, live or what.
It ate SPAM, it's not!

--M. Fuentevilla, 71470.3051@compuserve.com

3335.
Oh, what can ail thee,
Under-arms, alone, and pink-
Ly sweltering. SPAM!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3336.
Mathematicians can't
square the circle. However,
Hormel can cube pigs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3337.
Minimum wage hike
proposed. Hormel protests, "Sales
of SPAM will plummet!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3338.
Montana's Freemen
start to crack. Why? The only
food left now is SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3339.
Moo Shu SPAM. Nitrates
and MSG: Festival
of food additivies.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3340.
The Olympics have
no SPAM-eating contest. There
go my medal hopes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3341.
Hillary follows
Jackie O. with an auction.
"How much for Bill's SPAM?"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3342.
Soviet conquest.
Americans force-fed SPAM.
Plot of film Pink Dawn.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3343.
Brando: "I coulda
worked for Hormel. I coulda
been a SPAM tender."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3344.
How do I love SPAM?
Let me count the ways: One...That's
about all of them.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3345.
SPAM, aerosol cheese
and Tang: a meal without a
morsel of real food.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3346.
Steaming, fetid SPAM.
The cockroaches scuttle by.
Life is a grease-trap.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3347.
Wall Street is nervous
About the Spamku Archive.
Will it beat the DOW?

--Krink, Falls Gulch, VA

3348.
Michelle ate some SPAM,
Uncle Jesse ate some SPAM,
Full House has been axed...

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3349.
if spam was a man,
it would have bad heart problems,
its breath would suck, too.

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3350.
cat searching for food
spam is frying on tin roof
cat stays far away

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3351.
spam in blender with
bananas and candy corn
makes spamana corn

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3352.
spam is in disk drive
i access its secret thoughts
it says: "moo, oink, baa..."

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3353.
Nature's magnum op-
us, soft and pink. Spread, sculpt, love,
cherish--what else? SPAM!

--Anonymous

3354.
Al Pacino in
Cruising uses SPAM for...well...
better left unsaid.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3355.
SPAM in bird feeders
keeps the squirrels away, but
birds stay away, too.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3356.
Skeet shooting with SPAM.
A little more costly, but
look at that pink spray!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3357.
SPAM commercial: Two
Yugos pull up. "Pardon me.
Have you any SPAM?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3358.
Hippies used to cook
SPAM loaf with ganja in it.
It cures the munchies.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3359.
On the QE2
they do not serve any SPAM.
Now that's luxury.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3360.
Program Manager
has been replaced by the SPAM
button. Me no like.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3361.
SPAM commercial is
followed by Mercedes ad.
Someone's off-target.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3362.
Cannibalism
jokes are pretty easy to
make about this stuff.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3363.
Hormel "doesn't get
all this haiku business." Well,
we don't get their meat.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3364.
SPAM is not a food,
neither is it a drug, so
FDA, get lost!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3365.
Hormel's new product!
Lap-top "Spammuter" astounds
Bill Gates and Big Blue.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3366.
"The sedge has withered
From the lake and no birds sing."
Hormel Sub about!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3367.
Porcine mystery
A big carnivore's delight
Saves Post-War Europe

--kendall marie tait

3368.
Quick nurse, scalpel, pliers.
Old heart out. New SPAM in. Pat-
ient whines for ketchup.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3369.
Grizzled old tom naps
in the sun--flick! flick! his tail!
He must dream of SPAM.

--Meredith Merritt

3370.
"Did you eat lunchmeat?"
"I didn't expect a SPAM-
ish Inquisition."

--Not Graham Chapman, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3371.
Pink-clad men burst in:
"Nobody expects the SPAM-
ish Inquisition!"

--Not John Cleese, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3372.
The cardinal speaks:
"Surprise is our main weapon!
Surprise and pink gel!"

--Not Eric Idle, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3373.
"Our two weapons are
surprise and pink gel! And fear!
And added nitrates!"

--Not Michael Palin, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3374.
"Our diverse weapons
include... Oh, just get the SPAM
and start the torture."

--Not Terry Gilliam, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3375.
An aide hands a can
to the cardinal. "Fool! This
is Treet! It won't work!"

--Not Terry Jones, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3376.
U.N. Inspectors?
Spamalogical weapons?
Iraqi springtime!

--staylor@primenet.com

3377.
"Eat SPAM together
Eat SPAM in peace"--D. Bowman
Monolithic Tin

--s944455@admiral.umsl.edu

3378.
A girl came along
opened my heart like SPAM tin
blinded with science!

--s944455@admiral.umsl.edu

3379.
At the guillotine.
"Some SPAM Sire?" "Get lost chien!" "No
Need to lose your head!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3380.
"George. Where you gone, George?
I petted this pig. It's spammed
Good now. Come back, George."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3381.
Pinkish loaf quivers
awaiting its blue prison.
This was once a pig?

--MAM

3382.
New government plan--
SPAM instead of tax refunds!
The Capitol burns.

--MAM

3383.
At the SPAM machine
the pinkish loaves are spit out.
Go and do likewise.

--MAM

3384.
Must one eat SPAM to
know its supreme yumminess?
Hell no, man! Hell no!

--Anoymous

3385.
I've not eaten SPAM
in over fifteen weeks now.
Arteries clearing.

--Anoymous

3386.
If I were the SHAM
I would have to clone myself
to read all Spamku

--Anoymous

3387.
It was born in a
Slaughterhouse hurricane. SPAM.
It's a gas gas gas.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3388.
Kittens' first day out:
They encounter SPAM! One sniff,
all run back to Mom.

--Meredith Merritt

3389.
My cats play with SPAM,
never hockey pucks, at night--
Kinder to neighbors.

--Meredith Merritt

3390.
I sit in my class
I think of my can of SPAM
I run to the nurse

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3391.
What is it in SPAM
That's incredibly funny?
It's the condensed pork.

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3392.
SPAM: Love at first sight.
I loved you when first we kissed,
Then I tasted you.

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3393.
SPAM's so annoying.
If you think it's so funny,
You never ate it.

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3394.
SPAM fits inside me
Like a dildo it shakes me
My pussy goes wild!

--Anonymous

3395.
As I teeth on SPAM
The SPAM goes through my system
Soon I will puke lots

--Anonymous

3396.
SPAM is to food what
The Bridges of Madison
County
is to books.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3397.
Nah, I take that back.
SPAM is more like something by
Bret Easton Ellis.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3398.
Just like Ellis's
American Psycho, SPAM
makes people feel sick.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3399.
Hitler's Luftwaffe
drops pink death on Guernica.
SPAMish Civil War.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3400.
It's a righteous SPAM.
Baby, can you dig your SPAM?
It's a righteous SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com


Move forwards to Numbers 3401-3500.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.