SPAM Haiku 3401-3500

Move backwards to Numbers 3301-3400.


3401.
1992.
Serbs serve Muslim prisoners
cold SPAM on a stick.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3402.
1996.
Cold SPAM on a stick is found
to be a war crime.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3403.
"Hey, Rocky! Watch me
pull a SPAM out of my hat."
"Again?" "Eww, slimy."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3404.
After centuries,
Tokugawa Empire ends--
Perry brought them SPAM.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3405.
Fed meat product to
Japanese warriors; got
Deadly SPAMurai.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3406.
SPAM bacon, sausage
and SPAM and eggs and sausage,
SPAM and eggs and SPAM

--Anonymous

3407.
To die as SPAM loaf
I'd die hungry and unloved,
death threats in my can.

--Marrisa Mitchell, marmit@midwest.net

3408.
Translated "Descartes"
Into English, reversed; it's
"SPAM EMOS," I think.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3409.
No evil demon
Could undermine this proof: I
Think, therefore I SPAM.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3410.
Leibniz postulates
Pre-established Hormel meat;
All is for the best...

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3411.
Bishop Berkeley says:
Even when we don't taste SPAM,
God is tasting it.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3412.
Fear and Trembling, SPAM
Either/Or that canned sausage.
Kirkegaard knew all.

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3413.
The movie star, Babe,
will some day go where Wilber
did--in cans of SPAM.

--Fifteen Minutes

3414.
I quiver like SPAM
we are naked in public
o sweet paradise

--jim rodgers

3415.
SPAM disgusting thing
alien lifeform sent to
render Earth helpless

--Anonymous

3416.
SPAM: disgusting, quiv-
ering. Might be toxic or
maybe worse than that.

--Anonymous

3417.
SPAM calls out to me
Joyous choirs do sing for it
Refused temptation

--Anonymous

3418.
Miners scrape lunch meat
From the bowels of the earth. How
Pink Was My Valley
.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3419.
Put SPAM on a leash
It is better than a dog
Housetrained, lasts longer

--Anonymous

3420.
opening the can
inhaling the aroma
feeding my cat spam

--Anonymous

3421.
SPAM is found in street
Strays, vagrants, even police
Attempt to avoid

--Derek Klumper, klumper@worthington.mn.frontiercomm.net

3422.
SPAM and Pam in pan:
"Baywatch" star Anderson says,
"Get me outta here!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3423.
Too much SPAM can cause
General Protection Faults
of the intestines.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3424.
Bhagavad Gita:
"Now I am become SPAM, the
destroyer of meals."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3425.
On the grassy knoll,
Abraham Zapruder said,
"Ugh! Looks just like SPAM!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3426.
Wow, I must admit
that was pretty tasteless. Oh,
well. So sue my ass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3427.
Now the Cinema
section of the Archive has
that italics bug.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3428.
If Kate Moss were to
eat just SPAM for a whole year,
she would gain three pounds.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3429.
The Post Office comes
out with new SPAM-flavored stamps.
FedEx business zooms.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3430.
"Pol Pot is dying."
"Hormel pulls SPAM from market."
Which news is better?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3431.
Oh delightful treat
So pink, slimy, and shiny
Makes my taste buds sing

--Anonymous

3432.
Thinking about SPAM
Puts me in a somber mood
For I'm almost out

--Anonymous

3433.
Put SPAM in a blen-
der and throw in curdled milk:
A delicious shake!

--Anonymous

3434.
Cut SPAM into cubes
Paste them on your best dress suit
Edible fashion

--Anonymous

3435.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "SPAM."
"SPAM who?" I then reply. "SPAM
enchanted evening."

--Anonymous

3436.
Wiggly mass of life
You can teach us all so much
SPAM enlightenment

--Anonymous

3437.
SPAM rolling down stairs
Makes a jiggle-plop-plop noise
At the bottom, "SPLAT!"

--Anonymous

3438.
Santa Claus likes SPAM
He'll put it in your stocking
Leave some out for him

--Anonymous

3439.
SPAM is life itself.
Evolution started here,
In a can of SPAM.

--Anonymous

3440.
Put some SPAM under
Your pillow. The SPAM fairy
Will leave you a buck.

--Anonymous

3441.
I would like to see
MacSPAM made at MacDonalds.
Not to eat, just see.

--Anonymous

3442.
The SPAM diet plan:
Half a can of SPAM a day.
You will lose 10 pounds.

--Anonymous

3443.
When I think of SPAM
A tear wells in my eyeball.
Then I go eat some.

--Anonymous

3444.
MAN KILLED BY A CAN
OF SPAM! Zealous SPAM-fan ate
It in the tin can.

--Anonymous

3445.
SPAM falls in a for-
est. No one is there to hear.
Does it make a sound?

--Anonymous

3446.
spam is so fluffy
like lots of aardvarks running
oh how i love spam

--Elvis Flowergarden

3447.
Silken pig tofu
The color of spanked buttocks
Blushing at my knife

--John Mitchell

3448.
SPAM cooked in the woods
Its odor making crouched bears
Shit with excitement!

--John Mitchell

3449.
Slaughterhouse product
The screams of a thousand pigs
Silent within you

--John Mitchell

3450.
SPAM needs no chewing
It slides like fish down the throat
Of a cormorant

--John Mitchell

3451.
Pink pork pretender
No curing, no cloves, no couth
The whore of Hamdom!

--John Mitchell

3452.
Broken shopping bag
A SPAM can sits on wet streets
Doubly pathetic

--John Mitchell

3453.
Poor man's boneless ham
Pig-part pudding of paupers
Doctors call you "rich"

--John Mitchell

3454.
Meaty monolith
Suddenly subdivided
I share you with friends

--John Mitchell

3455.
The flavor of SPAM
Is that of many pig snouts.
I turn up my nose.

--John Mitchell

3456.
Locked in its dark can,
SPAM ponders its existence.
Then suddenly--light!

--John Mitchell

3457.
When I called for SPAM,
It answered, "Call me Legion,
For I am many."

--John Mitchell

3458.
Such pleasing fragrance
From pigs that died years ago!
What rosy color!

--John Mitchell

3459.
Quickly slips the can
Gliding 'cross the floor--spilled SPAM!
My dog licks his chops.

--John Mitchell

3460.
Supple pink pork-child
Rise from your cold can cradle
And play on my tongue!

--John Mitchell

3461.
Slice of sizzling joy
Teaching me simplicity
Henceforth I hate haute

--John Mitchell

3462.
SPAM, too, needs a wife.
What consort for my Pork Prince?
Ah! The Velveeta!

--John Mitchell

3463.
It was our last date
She wanted See's; I gave SPAM
What a thankless bitch!

--John Mitchell

3464.
Steroidal Pig Mash,
Sometimes I think you are more
Hormone than Hormel.

--John Mitchell

3465.
This versatile meat
Can be hollowed for a treat
Wham bam thank you SPAM!

--John Mitchell

3466.
Like a new piglet
Slick with slime, SPAM emerges
Making sucking sounds.

--John Mitchell

3467.
The SPAM is all gone
So flies my muse, leaving me
Empty as this can.

--John Mitchell

3468.
Near the Queen's table
The SPAM, still uninvited,
Sits cold and slighted.

--John Mitchell

3469.
Cursing from the pan
Growing hotter each second
Now spitting at me

--John Mitchell

3470.
In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you.
How now, thou ground sow?

--John Mitchell

3471.
Like a fine paté
This amalgamated meat
That will not turn gray.

--John Mitchell

3472.
For far humbler foods
Children elsewhere are starving.
Eat your SPAM, you brat!

--John Mitchell

3473.
In the factory,
For fallen morsels of SPAM
I vie with vermin.

--John Mitchell

3474.
A taste oasis
Tinged like setting sun on sand
Food fit for Pharaoh!

--John Mitchell

3475.
They say in England,
Cows go mad from eating meat.
"Some more SPAM, Bossy?"

--John Mitchell

3476.
You leave the table
So offended by my meal.
Come back, little fly!

--John Mitchell

3477.
Young SPAMherazade
The Sultan of SPAMarkand
Arabian SPAM

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3478.
Dickens ate no SPAM
Never was the best of SPAM
Was the worst of SPAM

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3479.
New film, SPAMler's List
Amon Goeth not the bad guy
But SPAM was instead

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3480.
Dustin Hoffman's film,
Outbreak, not about virus,
About death by SPAM!

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3481.
Sly and Banderas
In their film called Assassins
No guns: they used SPAM

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3482.
Captain William Bligh,
Mutiny on the Bounty.
He fed his crew SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3483.
Chicago ballad
"If She Would Have Been Faithful"
You fed her SPAM, dope!

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3484.
Tom Cruise's Mission:
Should he choose to accept it
Eliminate SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3485.
Val Kilmer movie
Pink chunks with tights in Gotham
SPAMman Forever

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3486.
Jim Carrey's The Mask:
Prosthesis made of squished SPAM.
Moviegoers spew.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3487.
Shakespeare's Danish prince,
The true king of Elsinore.
His name was SPAMlet.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3488.
House made out of SPAM
Flexible during earthquakes
Minimal damage

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3489.
Quiz Show parting gift
Charles Van Doren was not pleased.
New invention: SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3490.
Sixties slow dance tune,
"Bridge Over Troubled Waters":
SPAM in gastric juice.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3491.
In the film, Tombstone,
Wyatt fed the bad guys SPAM.
Mass execution.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3492.
Richard Marx love song,
"Right Here Waiting"--for you to
Hurl the SPAM you ate.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3493.
Star Trek TNG
Data says, "It's SPAM, Captain."
Warp speed in reverse.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3494.
Dead Man Walking: film
About death row. Inhumane
Death: Make them eat SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3495.
Much Ado About
Nothing
--the truth about all
The hype over SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3496.
Steven King novels,
Nothing about Killer SPAM?
Come on! Get with it!

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3497.
More problems at school.
The lunch ladies feed us SPAM.
Hire some more nurses.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3498.
What is SPAM made of?
Sinps, snails, or puppy dog tails?
No, bits of pig butt.

--Anonymous

3499.
SPAM on computer
Takes away all of your RAM
Gives hard drive heartburn

--Anonymous

3500.
Twister hits Hormel
Plant. SPAM sucked into funnel.
Pink cloud devastates.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com


Move forwards to Numbers 3501-3600.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.