SPAM Haiku 3701-3800

Move backwards to Numbers 3601-3700.

3701.
Bruce Willis sees this,
Is traumatized in some way--
No longer sees pink!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3702.
He goes to L.A.
Becomes a group therapist
for SPAM abusers.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3703.
A wacky artist
in the group does abstract art.
Smears SPAM on canvas.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3704.
He has, uh, congress
with this girl involving SPAM.
You don't want to know.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3705.
But the result of
this bizarre Hormelesque sex:
He sees pink again!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3706.
Michaelangelo,
Leonardo Da Vinci,
George Henry Hormel.

--Tom

3707.
The light in your eyes
When you hear the "beep-beep-beep"
Of the microwave.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3708.
I know I should not
Throw SPAM off my building's roof,
Yet I love the splat.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3709.
I felt a small thrill
When I nicked my ring finger
On the can's sharp edge.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3710.
Eve gave Adam SPAM.
God sent Eve out for more SPAM.
Seven Eleven!

--Lee Malone, leemalone@aol.com

3711.
I have these nightmares--
Badgers force SPAM down my throat
Till I sweat pink goop

--Bernard Matthews

3712.
Furloughed fed workers
Loiter in alleys, heat SPAM
Over garbage fires.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

3713.
We're building a bridge
That spams into tomorrow
Thank you.......Billary

--Village Idiots, @ Penn Sta. and Ave.

3714.
More spit than polish
Swimming in hog bogger slime
SPAM, you're the bottom

--Granger Harding, gharding@sprintnet.com

3715.
I'm too young to die
And I'm much too old to live
SPAM!....Please take me home

--WV Heigh

3716.
In Siberia
People really kill for SPAM
While we die from it.

--Carl Zuk, Danvers, Ma.

3717.
Why aren't you like Joe,
Joe would eat (blank) with gravy?
You can't make gravy!

--A. Tribout, Presqueisle Me.

3718.
Fidel smoked cigars.
But he never smoked our boys.
UnSPAM Cuba now!

--Free Cuba, It's about time!

3719.
"I'm very sorry,"
She says, "but we're out of SPAM."
I'm sad, yet relieved.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3720.
What, only ten votes?
My shame grows as a creeping
Fungus on lunch loaf.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3721.
Guess I'll retire to
The SPAM-Lin monastery
To study SPAM Fu.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3722.
Deadly martial art:
Monks move like lightning, armed with
Only two blue tins.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3723.
I choke on my SPAM.
The white-hot loaf sears my throat.
"Not yet, Grasshopper."

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3724.
Years of hard training,
Meditation, shunning ways
of Armour and TREET.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3725.
At last, I go out
Into the world, reflexes
Atrophied by SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3726.
Five weeks in Thailand.
"Rice and green curry SPAM, please."
"Phom mai kao chai krop!"

--Mike McGaff

3727.
Narita airport.
"SPAM sushi with soba, please."
"Wakarimasen!"

--Mike McGaff

3728.
Home in the U.S.
"SPAMBURGER, fries, and cole slaw."
"I don't understand!"

--Mike McGaff

3729.
Separate parts are
Melded somehow, providing
Alien mealtime.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3730.
Smeared on your body,
SPAM prevents sunburn all day,
And it's PABA-free.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3731.
Mother is quite ill,
Can eat no solids. She looks
Sadly at my plate.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3732.
A shattered window,
The pantry door is ajar.
What has been stolen?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3733.
My dish has fallen,
The sandwich has disappeared,
My dog is hiding.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3734.
Attach electrodes
To the SPAM, jolt it, shock it--
Still it will not oink.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3735.
Yeah! My haiku was
number two in the voting!
Kickin' some pink butt!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3736.
It would be cool if
the Red Hot Chili Peppers
all got "SPAM" tattoos.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3737.
Dave Navarro might
balk at this, but then, he's just
the guitar player.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3738.
Will the AFC
ever win a Super Bowl?
Sure...when SPAM can fly.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3739.
SPAM is to food what
The Benny Hill Show is to
British comedy.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3740.
The Frugal Gourmet
goes nuts on the air and yells,
"Eat more SPAM, people!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3741.
Anna Nicole Smith.
Just what makes 'em so darn big?
SPAM implants. No lie!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3742.
In North Korea
they are desperate for food.
"Except SPAM," they say.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3743.
SPAM is to food what
the 1962 Mets
were to baseball teams.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3744.
Apollo-Soyuz.
They gave vodka; we gave SPAM.
The Cold War resumed.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3745.
Meet George Jetson, Jane
his wife, his boy Elroy, and
their dinner: SPAM pills.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3746.
Wouldn't it be neat
if there were no SPAM or Treet?
Man, that would be sweet!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3747.
Deliverance: "Squeal
like a SPAM, boy!" "Got a real
purty can, don't he?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3748.
The Doolittle raid.
"Where did the planes take off from?"
FDR: "SPAM Land!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3749.
I really like SPAM
It's quite nice to have around
Like a small, brown dog

--Stephe Rajkumar, 72144.2256@compuserve.com,Temple Of Lost Knowledge

3750.
The SPAM stands alone
So very very alone
The SPAM stands alone

--Stephe Rajkumar, 72144.2256@compuserve.com,Temple Of Lost Knowledge

3751.
Store manager's nod,
Brief, muttered apology--
Takes the dented can.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3752.
Books strewn on the floor,
Clothes scattered, closets ransacked--
I have lost my SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3753.
Last night, in a dream,
A giant SPAM tin crushed me,
But I felt no pain.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3754.
My dumb brother broke
My Mr. Potato Head.
Now I just use SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3755.
A crossword puzzle
Defined SPAM as "Meat product."
I got that one wrong.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3756.
In winter's gray light,
The warmth of the SPAM sandwich
Makes day seem brighter.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3757.
I sing little songs
To help the SPAM stay cheerful
Until I fry it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3758.
Through the wall I hear
My neighbor say, "What good SPAM!"
I burn with envy.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3759.
In the meteor,
Lodged deep within it, they found
A strange pinkish meat.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3760.
Always take the SPAM
Out of your pocket before
You launder your clothes.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3761.
Leaves wither and fall,
Snow descends, then the spring thaw--
The SPAM is still fresh.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3762.
My canker sore throbs
With each bite of SPAM I take,
But I cannot stop.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3763.
I have never seen
A SPAM commercial, and yet
Everyone buys it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3764.
I like to pretend
Somewhere there is turquoise SPAM
Waiting just for me.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3765.
The pirates whisper
Of the fabled SPAM-filled chest,
Deep in the ocean.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3766.
A lone can of SPAM
In orbit, slowly losing
Altitude. Beware.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3767.
The supermarket,
Bright lights, motion. The still point
Is in the meat aisle.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3768.
I cried when I saw
A man who had no SPAM, but
Then I tasted some.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3769.
On a visit home,
Mom serves SPAM as an entrée.
I pretend pleasure.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3770.
Pink cube of desire
Flaccid joy to touch and taste
Luncheon of my heart

--Tom Peer, tom@dkmm.co.uk

3771.
Sit writing Spamku
I wonder why I'm wasting
My summer morning

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

3772.
Fried SPAM for breakfast
I am driven to write ode
Poem tastes better

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

3773.
Trembling, juicy, pink
I sink my fingers in you
Seep under my nails

--Anonymous

3774.
Approach in hunger,
yet hunter becomes hunted.
Wolf in SPAM's clothing.

--Matthew Gertner, matthew@poet.de

3775.
Wartime SPAM I eat
Airplanes droning overhead
My Nagasaki

--Anonymous

3776.
"Slice it thin, please, sir,"
SPAM bringer tells cookout host.
"It must last all week."

--Dan Ford, Kingman, AZ

3777.
Cherry-blossom pink
SPAM; no success attended
Apple-blossom white.

--Peter Vincent

3778.
Fan of pink slices;
Pool of extra-virgin grease;
Nouvelle SPAM cuisine.

--Peter Vincent

3779.
Pink loaf sliced thin, fried,
Served with truffles, shallots, wine;
Martha Stewart dreams.

--Dan Ford, Kingman, AZ

3780.
SPAM haiku archive
I cannot cut you and yet
I haiku to bits

--Duncan Halley

3781.
spam is pink and moist
and sits very still in can
until you buy it

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3782.
a spam motionless,
anticipating purchase,
sits on a high shelf

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3783.
spam or luncheon meat?
what's in a name, or, for that
matter, in the can?

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3784.
In a silent room
A bare table, empty plate
Oh where is the SPAM?

--Anonymous

3785.
Juliet looks forth
Across the fair land and cries,
"Wherefore art thou, SPAM?"

--Anonymous

3786.
Romeo lets his
Hand tenderly touch the can,
Sighs, "I love you, SPAM."

--Anonymous

3787.
Opening, more! more!
At last, bright light streams inside
My pink flesh exposed

--Anonymous

3788.
Anticipation
Freedom, any minute now!
I slide from the can

--Anonymous

3789.
Ooooh! Feel the cool blade
Slice cleanly through my firm flesh
Resistant yet meek

--Anonymous

3790.
World War food staple
Avoid a close scrutiny
Could cause mutiny

--Ellen Guon

3791.
Gelatinous shape
Quivering, unnatural
SPAM: a chef's terror

--Ellen Guon

3792.
Roommate once cooked it
Pungent reek of burning SPAM
Still haunts my nightmares

--Ellen Guon

3793.
SPAM, eternal SPAM.
"Food," nitrates, disturbing Muse.
Scientific art.

--Mike McGaff

3794.
Terry Gilliam,
Planning next twisted movie.
Brazil SPAM Bandits.

--Mike McGaff

3795.
SPAM lies uneaten
The milk is slowly curdling
Dead man on the floor

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3796.
I told a close friend
About my SPAM obsession.
He hasn't called since.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3797.
Leaving Las Vegas:
Ben tells Sera, "Never ask
Me not to eat SPAM."

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3798.
Tap, tap goes the spoon
On the metal can. Inside,
Is the SPAM dancing?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3799.
You can never know
What it's like 'til you taste it.
It's Schrödinger's SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3800.
I left a thumbprint
In the murder victim's SPAM;
That's how they caught me.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com