SPAM Haiku 801-900

Move backwards to Numbers 701-800.


801.
I like to eat SPAM.
I feel it sliding downwards.
Plop. Splash. Gurgle. Fart.
--Anonymous

802.
I once had a dream.
SPAM floated before my eyes.
Toilet, here I come!

--Anonymous

803.
SPAM killed my best friend.
She was sitting on her porch
When the SPAM bomb fell.

--Anonymous

804.
MAPS or AMPS or PAMS:
Lots of things to spell with SPAM.
You can spell SPAM, too.

--Anonymous

805.
Computers made of
SPAM. The input is easy.
Just don't eat the keys!!

--Anonymous

806.
Throw a SPAM party!
You can blow up pink balloons;
also bob for SPAM.

--Anonymous

807.
SPAM ingredients
Are like Pink Floyd songs: Dogs, Sheep,
Pigs (three diff'rent ones).

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

808.
Cool, pink chunk of meat,
remains of Grade "E" hot dogs,
in a square blue can.

--Anonymous

809.
It's lips and assholes
Forever no more, no less
Snails, Possum, And Mice

--Superfly EditorAGoGo Adam Woodyard, awoodyar@austinc.edu

810.
Tap the can of SPAM:
Woosh! Woosh! Inward rush of air:
Flatulence reversed.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

811.
Eagle arcs in sky:
Lizard reflected in eye?
No. SPAM on the run.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

812.
SPAM on shelf: break seal!
Sitting on the plate: break-fast!
In-testines: break wind!

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

813.
Astronaut keys mike:
"SPAM in can." Time for space snack?
No. Laika orbits.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

814.
Hormel sponsors new
Marsalis SPAM-dard Time by
Wynton and Branford

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

815.
"Soft and bland/And square
and pink"--words to Jobim's "SPAM
from Ipanema"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

816.
Sinatra, Dorsey
split some SPAM, then record "I'll
Never Smile Again"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

817.
Les Paul plays: "Somewhere
up above/There's a pinkish
love/How High the SPAM?"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

818.
There's spectral cowboys
in my luncheon meat. It's "Ghost
Riders in the SPAM"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

819.
That oddly soulful
oldie, Procul Harum's "A
Pinker Shade of SPAM"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

820.
Neil Armstrong's real first
words on the moon: "This ain't green
cheese. My God, it's SPAM!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

821.
The leaves have turned brown
Like the SPAM I bought in June
Autumn has arrived

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

822.
Hormel Church performs
sacrifices to SPAM gods.
Dangerous new cult.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

823.
Orson Welles in the
Hormel sewers, plays Harry
Lime in "The Third SPAM"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

824.
Babe and Charlotte's Web:
Movies with future slabs of
SPAM in the lead role.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

825.
Letterman should give
away "Big Ass SPAM" while Paul
recites some haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

826.
Fed my dog some SPAM
Got cited for cruelty by
The S.P.C.A.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

827.
Miss Minnesota
Banned from beauty pageant. Why?
Had SPAM-enhanced breasts.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

828.
New SPAM haiku tax:
SHAM, Booda, and Fishel wipe
out the deficit.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

829.
the key, big blue van
my friend jared drives it fast
the SPAM-mobile rules

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

830.
in a colander
it sits and reeks and rots and
talks to me softly

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

831.
Sodium chloride
Coats the pinkish slimyness...
My God! What is it?

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

832.
Now, wait a minute...
I think I ate too much SPAM...
I have to fart, bad!

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

833.
The great SPAM lives on
as I wither away at
college in Nashville

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

834.
His eyes follow you
Big Brother watches you eat
Pink jellied product

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

835.
Played some Beethoven;
Dammit, there's some SPAM in the
French horn player's bell!

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

836.
Shoot at SPAM targets.
BANG Splat! POW Sploot! BLAM Ka-whump!
That's three out of three.

--john.foster@camel.com

837.
It's the giant leech.
Sucking on SPAM for his lunch,
suffocates himself.

--john.foster@camel.com

838.
Does SPAM contain tongues?
When you eat it, does it taste
you as you taste it?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

839.
Prisoners served SPAM.
The Supreme Court rules it cruel
and unusual.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

840.
Third World dictators
force feed SPAM to dissidents.
Amnesty protests.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

841.
School lunch funding cuts
cause SPAM to be served each day.
Truancy shoots up.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

842.
Murder mystery
solved: Colonel Mustard in the
ballroom with the SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

843.
Dustin Hoffman is
raised by Hormel Indians
in Little Big SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

844.
George Romero shows
the latest in horror: Night
of the Living SPAM
.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

845.
Gene Kelly dances
amid falling pork slabs. It's
Singin' in the SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

846.
Hormel accused of
using fake pork. New York Post's
headline: SHAM SPAM SCAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

847.
SPAM on a Sunday
Breakfast, brunch, and dinner, too
Then, a SPAM dessert

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

848.
Logged onto Archive
From Cyber Cafe, NY.
Read my own haiku.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

849.
Mint tea, SPAM, and me
Wintergreen flavored porky
Reuse bag and SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

850.
Ran a race with SPAM
Almost at the finish line
SPAM's victorious

--Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

851.
"What is your problem,
SPAM-for-brains?" cried the waiter.
"We don't serve SPAM here!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

852.
Howard Johnson's bans
Sale of SPAM. HO-JO has gone
Upscale. That's too bad.

--Alex Dunne, Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

853.
Rainy, humid day.
Makes me sticky, and moist, too.
I feel like a SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

854.
Sick day at the fair.
Must have been something I ate.
Should have stuck with SPAM!

--Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

855.
"spinal tap" on stage:
drummer had too much lunch SPAM
you know what happened

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

856.
saxophonists find
reeds made of SPAM give vague tones
but always stay moist

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

857.
Joe Zawinul is
hungry: eats much SPAM--"Mercy
mercy mercy" penned

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

858.
James Brown's diet gives
added zip: hardest working
SPAM in show business!

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

859.
James Brown convicted
of wife beating: "damn woman
just cooks SPAM surprise"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

860.
strange pink fluid flows
from African trees: fizzy
morning "treet"--SPAM wine

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

861.
early century
minstrels performed pig folk tales
by using SPAMface

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

862.
food for the hungry
pink slab in a yellow can
or in a blue can

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

863.
Hazelnut latté
deep-fried SPAM-and-egg sandwich
with onions to boot!

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

864.
Went to a party
Barbecued SPAM was tasty
much to my suprise

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

865.
The starving people
They ate SPAM in Waterworld
No wonder it flopped

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

866.
rounded corner box
designed before computers
SPAM pre-PageMaker

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

867.
roller skating crash
a broken arm resulting
SPAM was not to blame

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

868.
kitty kitty cat
"eat this 'cuz it's good for you"
vomit on the floor

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

869.
A SPAM can in hand
"Domestic Violence Rise"
Seized as evidence

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

870.
first air disaster
recorded in history
SPAM was served as meal

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

871.
When I was a kid
My mom made baked SPAM with cloves
like a little ham

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

872.
Cubed, sliced, hot, or cold.
My mom popped the tops and twirled.
Proudly raised on SPAM.

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

873.
Sneakers full of SPAM
Pantload of mumbling mayor
And we all fall down

--A Notchor 2, in Boston

874.
SPAM on cracker snack
causes college flatulence
The Whiffenpoof Song

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

875.
Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product.
It doesn't confess.

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

876.
Cuba's working class
revolutionary--SPAM
(Fidel Pork Product)

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

877.
Bold tower of flesh
Why do you hide in a can?
Fear of ingestion?

--Bart Thielges, bart.thielges@xilinx.com

878.
No, Fishel, not in
My New World Order. Read my
Lips: no SPAM taxes.

--Martin "George Bush" Booda, booda@datasync.com

879.
Wednesday, ten A.M.
Cloudy in Los Angeles.
Joe: "Just the facts, SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

880.
SPAM, the lifetime dream
but it may seem to be fake
guess what, your are right!

--Anonymous

881.
Where's Jimmy Hoffa?
Buy a can of SPAM, my friend--
Corpus delicti.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

882.
SPAM muse run amok!
Received a SPAMectomy.
Feeling better now.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

883.
You piqued our int'rest
with your cool SPAM-ku contest.
We submitted pearls.

--Lillian & Hamid Samadani

884.
Casting before swine?
Eagerly anticipate,
yet same ones again.

--Lillian & Hamid Samadani

885.
Booda and Fishel
debate the proposed SPAM tax
on the next Crossfire.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

886.
"The Empty Plate"--A
kitchen for anorexics.
Cold SPAM is main course.

--Anonymous

887.
Lollapalooza...
hodgepodge of five poseur bands.
"Hole" smells like old SPAM.

--Anonymous

888.
Garbage man in pain.
Slipped on puddle of SPAM spoo.
Warm and slick texture.

--Anonymous

889.
I do doubt I will
ever see, a meat mix as
repugnant as thee...

--Anonymous

890.
A cream, pink, and brown
meat in the ice cream section.
NeopoliSPAM.

--Anonymous

891.
Lover's gone away.
Was it something that I did?
SPAM burp while kissing.

--Anonymous

892.
Misread through the years,
"SPAM of Amontillado"--
Poe's private pleasure.

--Anonymous

893.
Kevin Costner's fave.
SPAM substitute in movie:
Holds wet can of "S'MEAT."

--Anonymous

894.
Grandma cooks us lunch.
Mystery meat in pink broth.
The cheese IS dripping!

--Anonymous

895.
Root of all evil?
Minced scraps for Halloween Lunch.
Just one word: SPAMHAIN!

--Anonymous

896.
Courtney Love eats SPAM.
Her lovers die, one by one.
Oral sex, SPAM queef.

--Anonymous

897.
Bulimia plate.
Courtney Love wants to lose weight.
Live through this SPAM meal.

--Anonymous

898.
Courtney Love's bleeding.
SPAM discharge is the NEW pose!
Red gelatin flow.

--Anonymous

899.
Courtney Love holds can.
SPAM spokesperson making dough.
Sickest pose of all!

--Anonymous

900.
"Spam" is a good song
by Weird Al Yankovic. Have
you heard it? You should.

--Daniel Stuber


Move forwards to Numbers 901-1000.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.