SPAM Haiku 901-1000

Move backwards to Numbers 801-900.

901.
The world is in need
of a savior. What we do
not know is it's SPAM.

--Daniel Stuber

902.
My friend liked to eat
SPAM before the accident.
Poor, poor kitty-cat.

--Daniel Stuber

903.
What is the key to
eternal life? Is it love?
Good deeds? No, it's SPAM.

--Daniel Stuber

904.
Does SPAM get confused
about its sexual pre-
ference? I hope not.

--Anonymous

905.
The end of the world
is not as near as we think.
I still don't like SPAM.

--Daniel Stuber

906.
I suggested to
a girl that SPAM would take care
of that. OUCH! That hurt.

--Daniel Stuber

907.
The Pope decided
to let Catholics eat SPAM
Fridays. Mass riots.

--Daniel Stuber

908.
How much time can I
waste writing haiku about
SPAM? Read and find out.

--Daniel Stuber

909.
When people stop smok-
ing they get cig fits. Does the
same thing work for SPAM?

--Daniel Stuber

910.
If God is love and
love is blind, does that mean that
SPAM is God? Does it?

--Anonymous

911.
I love to wax my
legs with a fresh slab of SPAM.
There's nothing like it!

--Elizabeth Brown

912.
I bet if luncheon
meat had personalities
SPAM would be funny.

--Daniel Stuber

913.
I told my wife we
were having SPAM for lunch. More
bologna for me.

--Anonymous

914.
Do not serve bad SPAM
to neighbors. Their dogs now crap
all over my lawn.

--Daniel Stuber

915.
Have you ever been
in love? Me neither. But I
bet SPAM has. Lucky.

--Anonymous

916.
I like to use SPAM
as a lubricant, but I'm
not gonna tell where.

--Daniel Stuber

917.
I wish trees and dogs
and rivers and clouds were made
of SPAM. Happy day!

--Anonymous

918.
Small, pink, made of spooo,
Fat, mean, processed meat gunman.
Yosemite SPAM.

--Jonathan Black

919.
Tiny processed links.
Vienna Sausage in brown
thick stock. Son of SPAM.

--Jonathan Black

920.
Brown and pink striped bird.
Breakfast icon. Cereal
hero. Toucan SPAM.

--Jonathan Black

921.
Santa finds my treat.
Warm milk and fresh batch of SPAM.
Ho, ho, holy shit!!!

--Jonathan Black

922.
Fed my dog warm SPAM.
Pissed in shoes. Ate my wallet.
Bitter little fuck.

--Jonathan Black

923.
Tied my wife down and
oiled her with SPAM Spread and wax.
SPAMomasochist.

--Jonathan Black

924.
I write SPAM haiku.
Day and night, nothing but SPAM...
I need to get laid.

--Jonathan Black

925.
SPAM cans have no key
Pop-top where the key should be
Empties still hold pens

--Rob Marquardt, guyspam@aol.com

926.
SPAM tastes really good
It smells like my mother's shoes
SPAM is my goddess

--Anonymous

927.
Tax breaks for Hormel?
That's the ultimate in pork
barrel politics.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

928.
Booda wants tax cuts
for rich SPAM eaters. Wait, that's
an oxymoron.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

929.
Legacy of SPAM
tax cuts? Crippling deficits,
crippling angina.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

930.
Disney opens up
SPAM-land: shows final fate of
the three little pigs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

931.
Attendance at new
SPAM-land is low--but better
than Euro-Disney's.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

932.
Rub SPAM grease on your
skin: it's a very cheap but
effective sunblock.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

933.
N.E.A. sponsors
Serano's "SPAM Christ." Jesse
Helms goes ballistic.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

934.
New group to combat
substance abuse: MASH--Mothers
Against SPAM Haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

935.
Betty Ford Center
opens SPAM haiku wing. There's
still some hope for me.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

936.
I saw my SPAM move.
I flung a RITZ at it. It
said, "Hey man, nice shot."

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

937.
Reese's: "Peanut but-
ter, chocolate." SPAM: "Ass scraps,
warm sewer water."

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

938.
Adolf Hitler's main
snack foods switched with foul, brown, minced
dog meat! DEATH BY SPAM!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

939.
I sometimes wonder
if what Dahmer left in fridge
was shipped to Hormel

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

940.
New Center for Failed
Anorexics!! Treatment: Whiff
an anal SPAM fart.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

941.
Throes of flatulence:
the gut it twists, colon burns.
Expunge the SPAM wind.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

942.
Conspiracies fly...
But Hoffa passed through my in-
testines. DEATH BY SPAM!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

943.
I do doubt I will
ever smell, a horrid scent
like that of Hormel...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

944.
I do doubt I will
ever taste, flavor of SPAM:
intestinal waste.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

945.
Here I sit all bro-
ken hearted. Write SPAM haiku...
I'm a complete schmuck.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

946.
"I want to gel you,"
breathed the short, squat, pink stranger.
Miss Hormel melted.

--Roy Hill

947.
Last week I met a
Conspiratorialist
He knew the SPAM truth

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

948.
Got twenty-four hour
SPAM channel on my TV
Set the VCR

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

949.
3000 AD
Archaeological site
"Sir, it looks like...SPAM"

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

950.
The SPAM sat on shelves
So innocuous looking
No one ever guessed

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

951.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAMmity SPAM
Really bad haiku

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

952.
I like SPAM so much
You should see my collection
Thousands of SPAM cans

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

953.
SPAM target practice.
Cans lined up against the wall.
KaBlam! Spray of pork.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

954.
I worked for a year
Declined offers of payment
Only wanted SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

955.
Great new hi-tech SPAM
Silicon chips imbedded
They know where it goes

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

956.
SPAM as an art form:
Great, but sadly lacking in
Aging resistance.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

957.
Juggling the SPAM cans
And now--a dangerous trick
I eat the contents

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

958.
Goddam SPAM pushers
Ruining my neighborhood
They sell SPAM to kids

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

959.
Written on the can
"Not tested on animals"
It makes me wonder

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

960.
Spouting SPAM haiku
I dazzled the crowd with my
Ingenuity

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

961.
The SPAMminator
Coming to avenge the pigs
"I'll be back" he says

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

962.
Huge SPAM monolith
Brings intelligence to apes
Two Thousand and SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

963.
"Take this magic key"
Said the old man--hesitant,
I opened the can

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

964.
Mammoth in thick ice
Hormel packages the meat
New! It's SPAMammoth!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

965.
S...P...A...M....SPAM!!!!
The cheerleaders flip and jump
That's right--it's SPAMBALL!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

966.
Protective glasses
Asbestos heat-proof clothing
SPAM sputters in oil

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

967.
Hormel think tank cries
"How 'bout a new range of tastes?"
Spearmint SPAM is born

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

968.
SPAM eating contest
Winner chews down 15 cans
We all see him hurl

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

969.
SPAM supermarket
If you want it, they've got it
As long as it's SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

970.
Spamwich anyone?
We stare at the bread and SPAM
Shake heads queasily

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

971.
The SPAM fell slowly
Gleaming wetly in the light
It smashed on the floor

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

972.
Place SPAM in a bowl
Add ice cream and chocolate
A SPAM-choc sundae

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

973.
Recalling all SPAM
I have eaten in my life
Makes me feel quite ill

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

974.
SPAM haiku flows forth
Not unlike the effect of
Overindulgence

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

975.
Turned on radio
They were having a SPAMfest
Turned off radio

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

976.
I was shocked to learn
At the tender age of nine
SPAM is for eating

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

977.
Irradiated,
SPAM grows and becomes alive
Run! It's SPAMzilla!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

978.
Sweet pig-like remains
Resting in your tin coffin
How I love thee so...

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

979.
Locked SPAM in a safe
But lost the combination
It must be lonely

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

980.
SPAM in the next room
With my ear pressed to the door
I can hear it move

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

981.
Did John Lennon say
"Imagine the SPAM haiku"
Or was it just me?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

982.
When I have passed on
I would like to be buried
With some cans of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

983.
Laminated SPAM
Encased in plastic layers
Hang it on your wall

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

984.
New!!! It's Synthi-SPAM
One hundred percent plastic
It will even bounce

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

985.
The truth about SPAM
It's pre-chewed--and not just that
It's pre-digested

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

986.
In his small workshop
The SPAMsmith hammers the SPAM
Hard, but noble work

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

987.
SPAM pressing machine
With one small can, you'll cover
Football stadium

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

988.
Left SPAM on engine
Went for a long country drive
Returned home--SPAM cooked

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

989.
When SPAM ruled the Earth
SPAMosaurs roamed the planet
Now we have canned them

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

990.
I went to college
To be taught all about SPAM
Now I don't eat it

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

991.
As I sit here now
And try to write SPAM haiku
My mind draws a blank

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

992.
Curious blue can
Contents hidden from the light
Soon to be revealed

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

993.
Collector of cans
I polish them all daily
Presentable SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

994.
You wouldn't have guessed
The menace of the blue can
SPAM took over Earth

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

995.
Sometimes I am sure
That SPAM always watches me
Must lock it away!!!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

996.
Plate of SPAM jelly
I watched it for many hours
I'm sure it just moved

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

997.
SPAM computer game
Look out! It's behind you! SPLAT
SPAM wins yet again

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

998.
So delectable
The treasure hidden within
The exquisite can

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

999.
Dramatic chase scene
Push button marked "Deploy SPAM"
Chase car slides off road

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1000.
Malleable SPAM
I mold it with my fingers
Contorted shapes form

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au