Questions That Bother A Shin Buddhist Friend
My dharma friend writes:
Here’s are some questions that have bothered me ever since discovering Shinran:
At what point does the attempt to not calculate turn into further calculation?
Or, put into more practical terms: Is the nembutsu ONLY authentic when I feel a sudden upsurge of spontaneous gratitude for the assurance of birth?
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Just for discussion’s sake, let’s say that it is…and see where it takes us, ok?
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Friend: Is the nembutsu–said at any other time for any other reason (in moments of stress, anxiety, boredom, etc.)–simply a delusional attempt to placate a fictional ego?
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Again, just for discussion’s sake, let’s say that it is.
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Friend: But what about the attempt to distinguish between “spontaneous gratitude” and “delusional placebo?” Isn’t this just further calculation?
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Again, just for discussion’s sake, let’s say that it is.
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Friend: Or is NOT trying to distinguishing between the two the actual calculative act? (After all, isn’t the act of calculating “natural”–uncalculated, as it were–for a foolish sentient being possessed of blind passions?)
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OK. Let’s say that THIS is the calculative act, rather than the other.
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Friend: What about the “ritual” nembutsu one says after Shoshinge or during service? Suppose I’m not feeling particularly grateful in those moments? Is it better to snuff the incense and the candles and go drink strong, black coffee?
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OK. Let’s say that the ritualistic nembutsu is now the calculative act, rather than those others you mentioned before.
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Friend: Doesn’t this make the nembutsu of spontaneous gratitude dependent on an unreliable emotional state?
It’s usually at this point that Honen’s notion of nembutsu as “practice” begins to appeal to me.
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Yes, indeed.
The absolute lack of ANYTHING for us to do can be existentially discomfiting until the dharma of Amida’s other power seeps deep into our conscious awareness as received wisdom from Amida himself.
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Friend: I realize this is probably “Shin Ugly 101″ kind of stuff. I know that I’m probably turning something incredibly simple into an impossibly contorted mess.
But neither can I help what the mind coughs up.
Honest questions.
Help.
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Friend, you’ve captured and reported on your version of our common problem in the most honest and painful way.
Your questions illustrate perfectly why this so-called “Easy Path” is actually the most difficult path of all.
Here is your ego (and mine too) simply playing the game of self-consciousness - taking center stage in the Shin Buddhist version of the Hamlet dance: “to say Nembutsu, or not to say Nembutsu - that is the question.”
What a tar-baby such questions are!
What gum (or worse) on our shoes!
Our impossible to conquer self-consciousness eats at us like the mythological worm Ouroboros, that forever eats away at its own tail!
This is PRECISELY the problem - the human condition that afflicts us all - in this terrible age of Dharma Decline.
There really is no way to slay this worm - to find rest and respite from the burden of such terrible self-consciousness in any permanent way.
To do so would mean I have become a Buddha.
But I have not - and I cannot. I’m stuck entirely - and so are you - and so are we all - fighting the demon tar-babies of our endless delusions.
For you, right now, this stuckness manifests as this hall of mirrors, where consciousness reflects back upon itself endlessly with no answer to the questions “the mind coughs up”, as you put it.
For someone else, this same stuckness manifests otherwise. Shinran talked about being lost in his own desire for fame and for profit - as hard as that might be for you and I to imagine.
How stuck is THAT?
To speak in the vernacular: we’re just plain screwed, when it comes to this enlightenment business - including the business of trying to measure the length and breadth and depth and height of OUR capacity to entrust ourselves
…or OUR capacity to be grateful for Amida Buddha’s salvation
…or OUR capacity to figure out what is and is not TRUE Nembutsu from moment to moment.
Our capacity to do ANYTHING related to securing our full and final liberation is limited - and just can’t take us from the near shore of utter sleep to the far shore of full awakening.
We just can’t depend on ourselves, in any way, when it comes to the core issue of life: our liberation from suffering.
All we can do is listen - listen deeply - to the True Teaching.
And when we do, what do we hear - again, and again, and again?
Only this: Depend ENTIRELY upon Amida Buddha.
Depend ENTIRELY upon Amida Buddha for your salvation from endless lives of suffering.
Depend ENTIRELY upon Amida Buddha for EVERYTHING - including the source of true nembutsu.
Why would I - or anyone who talks about Shinran’s teaching - say this?
Because clearly you can’t get it right - at all.
Clearly the only thing you can do is screw it all up, again and again and again.
Clearly your monkey-mind continues to natter on through good times and bad, about anything and everything, including Nembutsu.
So here’s what I say to you, dharma friend: Welcome to the monkey-house.
Sit down, have a seat, relax.
Now that you know WHO you are, and WHERE you are, feel free to help yourself to my bananas.
And since that’s all we can do, really - here’s what I say - with all the sincerity I can possibly muster through this very imperfect medium:
How about you and I both simply depend ENTIRELY upon Amida Buddha to open the gates of our monkey-cage once and for all?
How about you and I both simply depend ENTIRELY upon Amida Buddha to turn us from monkeys driven by blind passions and endless foolishness into true men - true Buddhas - at last?
When you come right down to it - and look at our situation HONESTLY - what else can we do, really?
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And that’s why the VAST and INCONCEIVABLE compassion of Amida Buddha is actualized in one thought-moment of such complete dependency on my part - or on yours.
Amida Buddha KNOWS that our limitations as foolish beings plagued with endless delusions and obscurations makes it impossible for us to sustain a series of moments.
One thought moment - one moment with no doubt whatsoever - of pristine clarity about our situation, and Amida’s solution - is all it takes.
He KNOWS that we simply don’t have what it takes to do more than that.
So our master teacher Shinran instructs us to simply entrust ourselves ENTIRELY for one thought-moment.
And once we do that - in that INSTANT - our entire world pivots upon the axis of Amida Buddha’s person and work. His vow power becomes the reality of our life - whether we “feel” anything, or not.
In that INSTANT - the infinite karmic merit of Amida Buddha becomes ours - forever.
In that INSTANT - we are grasped, NEVER to be abandoned - no matter how many monkey-moments we have after that.
In that INSTANT - our birth in the Pure Land is ASSURED - no matter how many bananas we eat or don’t eat - no matter how much monkey-chatter our minds cough up.
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Do you understand all this? Do I?
Of course not. It is INCONCEIVABLE - this one thought-moment Shinran speaks of.
INCONCEIVABLE SHINJIN - that’s what Shinran calls it.
How did you come to this thought-moment of INCONCEIVABLE SHINJIN - of True Entrusting? In one way: by listening DEEPLY to the True Teaching of Shinran and Shakyamuni.
How will you re-experience this one thought-moment of SHINJIN again, and again, and again?
The same way - by listening DEEPLY to the same True Teaching - again and again and again.
Will saying more nembutsu make you listen more deeply to the teaching? Or will listening more deeply to the teaching make you say more nembutsu?
I’m sure I don’t know. It’s all beyond the capacity of my mind to understand - when it comes to the metaphysical mechanics.
All I know is, one thought-moment of INCONCEIVABLE SHINJIN - and it’s GAME, SET and MATCH.
Even if you do the Hamlet dance, or the monkey dance, or any other kind of dance for the rest of this life - for another 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years - it just doesn’t matter any more.
Why? Because, at the end of that time, you will die, as we all must. But - when you do, you will straightaway be taken by Amida Buddha to his Pure Land - trillions of lands away from this one - where you will QUICKLY complete your journey, and become a Buddha at last.
GAME, SET and MATCH.
The end of suffering at last.
Inconceivable SHINJIN - the gift of Amida Buddha.
As Professor Eiken Kobai says so clearly, this is what Amida offers us each and all: salvation in the present - and Buddhahood in the life to come.
Feel free to write back, as ever - and thanks for allowing me to share our dialogue publicly.
NamuAmidaButsu -
Paul R.