Default

I fear defaulting on an obligation.

I chose to commit
To doing a thing
Or delivering a thing.

Having once owned it
I can't let it go.

Once committed
I become obsessed
And view any surprise or intrusion
As The Enemy.

Fearing I might default, I avoid
      Getting good at something I might not enjoy,
      Doing the same thing twice,
      Volunteering for anything,
Because I might not deliver.

How to refocus on opportunities
To contribute something
Without fear of committment?
Without encumberance of obsession?

A new habit:
Review the value
Of what I'm doing right now.

A new category:
Of value only against default.

When there's no greater value
Than avoidance of default,
Prune it.
Negotiate with others if I have to.

Save the energy formerly spent:
      Running away,
      Agonizing over decisions, or
      Hating the disruption of a surprise.

Liberation from low-value obsessions.
Energized by the recognition
Actively choosing
Higher value action.

Instead of fear of default.


	6 July 2014 (unfinished) Rewrite 28 May 2023
	by Bill Cattey