Goodbye Mom

On Halloween Night it finally happened.
Mom passed peacefully.
Goodbye mom.

For months dementia had been taking her
A little bit more each week.
Some days a little came back
But the path was inexorable
And oh so slow.

It used to be
That she could give Evelyn Wood
Speed reading lessons.
But a year ago she stopped.

"Dementia patients sometimes lose interest
In activities they used to enjoy."
Yup.

Giving soul that she was,
Mom was always a bit anxious.
Never liked the water.
Would NOT go to the dentist.
Always agitating to make sure
Every offer of help was made
And everyone was happy.

Dementia ate the the part that kept anxiety at bay.
For months she did not have
A peaceful night's sleep.
Only daytime with someone around
Seem to calm her for a while.

Little by little
I lost her.
Little by little
I mourned.

My job became
"Give her as many pleasant, tranquil moments
As possible till the end."

When my dad died,
I set the habit
Of a daily call to mom.

I miss the calls
When I'd work with her,
Picking out new used books online.

In the last months
The calls evolved
First friendly chat about friends and events.
Next an affirmation of the day,
"Happy Tuesday, mom!"
Carefully avoiding asking questions
That might tax what little remained
Of mind and memory.

Making out intelligible speech
Became ever harder.
For a while I stressed about it.
Until I accepted.
My job now was just to
Send her friendly sounds;
Make the "tranquil and pleasant" job work.

A month or so ago
Came the realization
Everything of the mom I knew was gone.
We were marking time.
Waiting for God.

I kept at the "tranquil and pleasant" job
As best I could.
Hunkering down
In my separate life
A hundred miles away
From where mom made us promise
She would live till the end.
Leaving her day-to-day care
In the hands of trusted others.

Weeks and months, waiting for God.

Finally
Yet another routine visit
To affirm in person
My good wishes for her.

Another downturn.
Would this be the last
Or would she rally again?

I extended my stay
Letting go of the "hunker down" way for a while.

And then she was gone.
What a gift to be there at the last
Rather than a hundred miles away.

Goodbye mom,
Goodbye mom.


	4 November 2022
	by Bill Cattey