SPAM Haiku 1-100

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1.
See the pretty SPAM
Flying through the bedroom door
Heading towards your face.

--Adam Roach, exuadam@exu.ericsson.se

2.
Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass--
Pass another slice.

--Christopher James Hume

3.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?

--Christopher James Hume

4.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork, please

--Christopher James Hume

5.
Old man seeks doctor:
"I eat SPAM daily," he decries
ANGIOPLASTY

--Christopher James Hume

6.
Highly unnatural,
The tortured shape of this "food"
...A small pink coffin.

--Christopher James Hume

7.
The SPAM looks forlorn.
At least it isn't head cheese!
I eat it with verve.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

8.
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM -- Glorious SPAM!
Or something like that.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

9.
If I ate some SPAM,
I wonder if I would live
To be very old.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

10.
If the Alive guys
Had some SPAM on board the plane,
What would they eat first?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

11.
Do preservatives,
If they are in a SPAM can,
Keep you from rotting?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

12.
SPAM stares back at me
In my dreams just like pig eyes.
I need a new job.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

13.
Each day at my job,
I work with pig eyes thinking:
Are these things in SPAM?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

14.
If you have no clay,
But you need to sculpt something,
SPAM is excellent.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

15.
How would SPAM be used
In Kentucky Fried Movie,
If they made part III?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

16.
SPAM can do it all.
Need a fake amputation?
SPAM can do it all.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

17.
What are the clear parts?
My mind reels, thoughts turn to hooves.
I'd best just eat it.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

18.
If you do vomit
While you are eating some SPAM,
Do you know what's food?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

19.
If one tried to make
George Bush eat SPAM, would he say:
"Not gonna do it!"?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

20.
Maybe George Bush puked.
Or maybe he just faked it
By using some SPAM.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

21.
In Silent Running
The Earth's food was limited.
Did they have some SPAM?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

22.
Wow! Fifteen haiku,
And all of them about SPAM.
I was on a roll!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

23.
I think of SPAM bits
Sitting in a park at noon
What are they made of?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

24.
SPAM enters and leaves
digested, as if unchanged
WYSIWYG food-stuff

--Dave Hysell, daveh@vlasov.phys.clemson.edu

25.
I'd like to write a
SPAM haiku, but I have too
few syllables.

--Anonymous

26.
SPAM, SPAM, yellow and
pink, flies over the skating
rink. Way trippy, man.

--Anonymous

27.
SPAM in a can, to
a pan, into the man, and
flushed all down the can.

--Anonymous

28.
Ban ham, eat more SPAM.
Orally or used as a
Suppository.

--Anonymous

29.
Smoke SPAM in a bong.
I did it once, now I wear
blue metal jew'lry.

--Anonymous

30.
SPAM while in the can
Looks harmless, but opening
Finds it's disgusting.

--Steve Popovich, popovich@cs.columbia.edu

31.
Yum, yum, SPAM is good!
SPAM is such wonderful food!
Commit me now, please.

--Steve Popovich, popovich@cs.columbia.edu

32.
"Off the pigs?" Can it.
It's PC to be porcine.
The times are changin'.

--M. Greenberg, bambusa@ag.arizona.edu

33.
Mom cooked SPAM Surprise.
Pink grease, smothered in mustard...
I still fear mustard.

--Van Kichline, mkichline@earthlink.net

34.
Hormel perfection.
Open a SPAM can now, yum!
Ultimate in taste?

--Matthew Lefkowitz, theglyph@aol.com and JulieHanson, bungajulie@aol.com

35.
Where does SPAM come from?
I spend time on toilet; SPAM
Has Booda-nature.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

36.
Canter and Siegel
Spew Green Card on Usenet; a
Thousand points of Spam.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

37.
The Usenet vulture,
Cancelmoose, has unbounded
Appetite for Spam.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

38.
Transvestite waitress
Reads menu; Vikings chorus.
Monty Python sketch.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

39.
There are worse things than
A SPAM-limited diet.
Like coprophagy.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

40.
President reviews
School lunch program meat item.
Says, "I feel your SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

41.
Head Cheese, Kim-Chi, SPAM,
Lut'fisk, Haggis, Goat's-eye soup.
Eat them, Rush Limbaugh!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

42.
The pink SPAM glistens
On a blue plate of plastic.
O my Soylent Green.

--J. Allen Schones, jas@ocncra.att.com

43.
Can opener whirs,
Meat odor flows heavenward;
God's stomach rumbles.

--The Donosaur (Don Wilkie), stwd@nmu.edu

44.
snuffling snorting oink
hacking mashing slashing pink
gobbling dribbling pain

--Anonymous

45.
Oh, God! I just ate
some (Spam the Internet) with
e.e. cummings's dog.

--Chris Raile, raile@eecs.ukans.edu

46.
I've had SPAM and Treet.
Is there any difference
between this pink meat?

--Chris Raile, raile@eecs.ukans.edu

47.
American life
Sports and food are one with us
I hit a grand SPAM

--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

48.
"Unholy monster!"
"Scourge!" "Pink freak!" Poor SPAM. Only
I understand you.

--R. Kaufman

49.
No *#$%ing way, man!
I hate composing haiku,
But I love the SPAM.

--Mark Nakamura, masayang@msushi.com

50.
Talmudic scholars
ponder SPAM. Is anything
on Earth less kosher?

--R. Kaufman

51.
Beautiful willow,
how your leaves dance in the wind.
I wish you were SPAM.

--S. Ingels

52.
One policeman's tale:
"How I love you, SPAM. You took
a bullet for me."

--R. Kaufman

53.
O.J. not guilty!
Stomach contents analyzed:
SPAM is cause of death.

--R. Kaufman

54.
My life in ruin.
My wife, job, home -- all lost. SPAM!
You did this to me!

--R. Kaufman

55.
I wait, vacuum-packed.
Exiled in metal, I dream.
SOMEBODY EAT ME!

--R. Kaufman

56.
Formless, spreadable,
beneath contempt. Pity me!
I am deviled SPAM.

--S. Collum

57.
Cholesterol-rich?
Sure. But are we not men? Chest
pain, shmest pain. SPAM me.

--R. Kaufman

58.
judgment day is here
attack of 50-foot SPAM
we go down eating

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

59.
is the moon made of
green cheese? No, just moldy cos-
mically shaped SPAM

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

60.
Mysterious meat
manufactured in secret
who can bear to watch?

--Anonymous

61.
Pennies to my name
Enough for a can of SPAM
I would rather starve

--Anonymous

62.
Mussels underneath,
Bellyache for barbecue:
"No SPAM, Radio."

--fleshhead

63.
Exciting foodstuff
It draws the lightning to it
A flash in the SPAM

--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

64.
Heinz 57
gravely underestimates
SPAM's vast potential

--fleshhead

65.
Fallout Shelter Blues:
bound, I witness friends unearth
hidden stash of SPAM.

--fleshhead

66.
Siskel and Ebert
shamelessly promote: "Two Thumbs
Up, Way Up, for SPAM!"

--fleshhead

67.
Crossposting ensues:
rec.arts.poems and
alt.food.spam.

--fleshhead

68.
I think I'll eat SPAM.
Will I make it to the can?
SPAM, SPAM, help me man!

--Michael Turton, michael@one.net

69.
Writing about SPAM
will take so much more effort
if you eat it first.

--Anonymous

70.
A guilty pleasure
On a bright sunny morning--
Scrambled eggs and SPAM.

--Dave Opstad, opstad@apple.com

71.
I do not like SPAM
But will eat green eggs and ham.
So there, Sam-I-am.

--Scott Callantine, call9214@uidaho.edu

72.
Your juice is so sweet
Chewy meat between my teeth
What is it--it's SPAM

--Mark Robinson, robinsom@news.cpcnet.com

73.
Reverse direction
Alimentary canal
SPAM spews from the mouth

--Kent Feiler, kfeiler@cpiusa.com

74.
Rumblings internal
Sounding infernal. Sonic
Signature of SPAM.

--Anonymous

75.
SPAM on the menu...
Do they make it fresh daily?
Or is it just canned?

--Sean Ferguson, ferguson@music.mcgill.ca

76.
I read SPAM Haiku--
All of it. Laughed way too hard,
Blew SPAM out my nose.

--GoshMizer

77.
Six cans by a stream
Each one filled with pork products
SPAM's happy picnic

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

78.
Pigs enter the door
Piercing shrieks torment the air
What a lovely can

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

79.
Lost in the desert
I stumbled on piles of SPAM
No key to be seen

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

80.
The hunter prowling
Spies cans at a waterhole
Bang Bang--A clean kill

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

81.
A SPAM haiku page
We must all be quite insane
Hormel is so proud

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

82.
Downed U.S. pilot,
survival kit full of SPAM,
eats ants, sucks wool socks.

--R. Kaufman

83.
Nineteen forty-five,
SPAM arrives in Amsterdam
and ends starvation.

--Anonymous

84.
Voided from the can
we tossed the SPAM in the yard.
The cats bury it.

--C. Bartz

85.
On the barbeque
A SPAMBURGER hamburger
I want to die now!

--csturge@bud.peinet.pe.ca

86.
Vegetarians:
How many pigs died for SPAM?
None, it's only parts.

--Anonymous

87.
SPAM, the name disgusts
yet, pink is so enticing
and so, I swallow.

--Scott Moreau, sbm0275@usc.usl.edu

88.
The oil and fat call
"You know you want what I have!"
And I eat, and die!

--Scott Moreau, sbm0275@usc.usl.edu

89.
SPAM falls to the ground.
It makes such a pleasing sound!
I hear and wonder.

--Anonymous

90.
An old tin of SPAM
Tossed into the toilet bowl
The sound of water

--George Pajari, pajari@Faximum.COM

91.
In-laws for dinner
I would rather be at home
Eating cans of SPAM

--rlanam@reedref.com

92.
SPAM lies on the plate,
Surrounded by frozen peas.
Diner looks askance.

--Keith

93.
Use eyes, ears, nose, toes
to fill the SPAM can, but please
omit the assholes.

--Greg Fielding, greggf@destiny.esd105.wednet.edu

94.
Charlton Heston cries,
In science fiction epic:
"It's made of people!"

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

95.
Like Pepto Bismol,
Fiberglass insulation:
SPAM, too, is too pink.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

96.
On silver platter,
A row of thick pink slices:
Serving suggestion.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

97.
Scientists sought that
Which man was not meant to know:
SPAM ingredients.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

98.
SPAM and I ran the
Boston Marathon, but I'm
Tired and SPAM is not.

--Anonymous

99.
Think it's the question?
To SPAM or not to SPAM, sir?
Yea, it's the answer!

--MBlackford@aol.com

100.
SPAM SPAM eggs rice SPAM
not just breakfast anymore
snap crackle plop-pp

--Mark and Kara