SPAM Haiku 1601-1700

Move backwards to Numbers 1501-1600.

1601.
SPAM falls overboard
Anguished bystanders watching
Pinkish square ripples

--Douglas Staples, AnnikaDZ@aol.com

1602.
Sexy soft pink SPAM
Wisely sheathed inside metal
Not much fun, but safe

--Douglas Staples, AnnikaDZ@aol.com

1603.
Hungry villagers.
Pink Frankenspam came to life.
"Eat me," he taunted.

--Douglas Staples, AnnikaDZ@aol.com

1604.
spam is my friend, yes
i talk to it all the time
it never responds

--goat@uiuc.edu

1605.
once upon a spam
pink hard warm inanimate
it's a perfect night

--goat@uiuc.edu

1606.
virtual-cyber-
futuro-online-compu-
spam (year 2000)

--goat@uiuc.edu

1607.
nine inch nails songs, hmm...
do you suppose that reznor
will write about spam?

--goat@uiuc.edu

1608.
claude monet painted
many pictures of spam, but
then ran out of pink.

--goat@uiuc.edu

1609.
spam will outlive us
nuclear holocaust and
all that comes after

--goat@uiuc.edu

1610.
My PC does not
have a Pentium, thank you.
It's powered by SPAM.

--goat@uiuc.edu

1611.
spam is not just meat
ultra aphrodisiac
if you're into that

--goat@uiuc.edu

1612.
i'm using spam now
to make my lovely dream home
won't need a kitchen

--goat@uiuc.edu

1613.
SPAM could be the key
to eternal life, or it
could just be bad meat.

--goat@uiuc.edu

1614.
SPAM and goats. For some,
more happiness than could be
had all other ways.

--goat@uiuc.edu

1615.
A gourmand's wet dream?
Cardiologist's nightmare!
(One could argue thus.)

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1616.
Where do we come from?
Can Claus do it in one night?
What the heck is SPAM?

--Chris Hickey, Houston, TX

1617.
And before he left
Claus ate the snacks left for him
Milk, cookies, and SPAM

--Chris Hickey, Houston, TX

1618.
Jack Albertson's dead.
Freddie Prinze wants a new Ed...
Chico and the SPAM.

--Swag Valance, gsherwin@nyx.cs.du.edu

1619.
SPAM for breakfast and
SPAM at noon. Bring on the boys.
Beavis and Butthead.

--Kathleen Attwood, attwood@preston.polaristel.net

1620.
Oh SPAM why must you
inspire my neighbor to play
all night on the flute?

--Kathleen Attwood, attwood@preston.polaristel.net

1621.
Welcome to my state.
Minnesota, Land of SPAM.
Processed in Austin.

--Kathleen Attwood, attwood@preston.polaristel.net

1622.
The journey's good news--
Even the fireflies rejoice--
Out of SPAM...hot damn!

--Anonymous

1623.
Pink mush. Breakfast glob.
You've stolen our hearts, SPAM, but
Corned beef hash you're not.

--Anonymous's wife

1624.
Check is in the mail.
I'd never SPAM in your mouth.
I respect you, too!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1625.
SPAMclear power.
"It is safer than sex," say
Noted scientists.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1626.
Across the prairie,
The animals move in one
Great SPAMigration.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1627.
Burning midnight SPAM.
Drinking deep of knowledge, and
Belching in the night!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1628.
Feds lift speed limit.
New safety regulation:
SPAM bags in each car!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1629.
Feed a growing world?
Oak Ridge and Hormel create
SPAMatomic bomb!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1630.
Dormitory food.
The long line inches forward.
SPAMeteria!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1631.
Not Austin, Texas;
It's Austin, Minnesota.
Forget Alamo!

--Mike McGaff

1632.
Austin, Minn. becomes
Center of the universe.
SPAM weapons produced.

--Mike McGaff

1633.
Hormel legislates:
Beef and chicken illegal.
Ranchers slaughter pigs.

--Mike McGaff

1634.
Jay retaliates.
Blue bombs dropped on North Forty.
Can't tell dead from SPAM.

--Mike McGaff

1635.
Hormel ninja school.
Elite warriors training.
Be one with the can.

--Mike McGaff

1636.
Vacuum seal released.
Blue tin bounces through a door.
Death by SPAM grenade.

--Mike McGaff

1637.
Shulp plop goes the SPAM
Perfect lube for human bowels
What a timesaver

--ccampbell@ncsc.dni.us

1638.
Spiced Pork and hAM? Yeah
Right, it's Shredded Plasticized
Active Mutation!

--Anonymous

1639.
Shakespeare invented
SPAM. Recipe in witches'
Scene in play Macbeth.

--Anonymous

1640.
Surgeon General's
Warning: Ingesting SPAM is
Certain health hazard.

--Anonymous

1641.
SPAM, SPAM, good for the
Brain. The more you eat the stuff,
The more you're insane.

--Anonymous

1642.
to spam or not to
spam I shot an arrow in
the air hence i spammed

--Wyatt Byrd, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1643.
Deepest solitude.
Only the soft squelch of SPAM
Disturbs the silence.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1644.
Ah! Sweetest of SPAMs.
From hirsute hog belly and
Paps....palate alert.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1645.
Miss Piggy butchered...
Carcass scraps slap the grinder.
E-coli awakes...

--Anonymous

1646.
Had eaten SPAM; Oh!
Winter of discontent...now,
vegetarian.

--Anonymous

1647.
SPAM buttocks and boobs.
Erotic emblems afloat.
But why the blue balls?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1648.
Bop spam ba loo bop
(Tutti foody so rudy)
Ba-bop spam ba loo.

--Mickael L. Mann

1649.
My Boeing airplane
Has life rafts made out of SPAM.
SPAM water landing?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1650.
Chew rubbery SPAM
For aural discomfort at
takeoff and landing.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1651.
Why is airplane food
Dry roasted, salted peanuts,
Dry white wine and SPAM?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1652.
"Are you carrying
anything that could be used
as a weapon?"..."SPAM."

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1653.
"Have you anything
that you would like to declare?"
"...Can't live without SPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1654.
Foreign exchange rates
confuse me: how many pounds
of SPAM for 10 pounds?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1655.
Throw out excess SPAM
"Thank you for keeping the Roy-
al borough tidy"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1656.
Trick played on tourists:
"Baaangerrs and maash, pleease!" Feed those
Americans SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1657.
Do ravens eat SPAM
at the Tower of London?
Or do Beefeaters?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1658.
Could one buy enough
SPAM with the Crown Jewels to
feed a large army?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1659.
If you were the Queen
Would you eat your SPAM with the
Coronation Spoon?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1660.
SPAM and mash tastes bad.
SPAM and chips taste bad too, but
SPAM and kidney pie!

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1661.
My SPAM haiku muse
having died, my poetic
license has expired.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1662.
Waterford crystal
A bone china plate holds SPAM
Pour Pepto-Bismol

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1663.
Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's yang
Pink pursuing pink

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1664.
Just evolved? Ha-ho!
Scoff the learned clergymen.
SPAM proves Creation!

--Anonymous

1665.
What does it all mean?
Plaintive existential wail...
Huh! Don't mean SPA-AM!

--Anonymous

1666.
I ate Kung Pao SPAM.
Chunks sliding off my chopsticks.
Order rice instead.

--Mike McGaff

1667.
Require a transplant
to provide the food of life?
SPAM's more snout than heart.

--B. H. Brown, RorySlade@aol.com

1668.
Dinosaur entrails,
Still pulsating...and purple.
Yes! It's B'har'nei SPAM!

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1669.
"I love you, you love
me, we're a...AWWWWK! Rip! SCRUNCH!" Sound
as whirling blades catch.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1670.
Baby Bop, reach to
Save your Purple hero! Oops.
Result: Two-tone SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1671.
Minds of viewing youth
Turned to eviscerated
Meat by Dinosaur.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1672.
U.S. troops arrive,
And with them, M.R.E.'s. Blight
Spreads through Bosnia.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1673.
Hormel Orphanage:
Many unwanted babies
Welcome; none come out.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1674.
Malignant dwarf stands,
Pitchfork ready, on blood-caked
Hormel loading dock.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1675.
Santa won't make the
Trip this year. Dines instead on
SPAM aux venison.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1676.
Variety for
Bad children this year. Lump of
Coal? No! Loaf of SPAM!

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1677.
Ist es nur das Fleisch,
oder wahrlich der Heiland?
Was ist diesen "SPAM"?

--Dave "Rilke" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1678.
¿Es carne solo,
o tal vez un salvador?
¿Que es esto "SPAM"?

--Dave "Neruda" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1679.
Ceci, jambon seule,
ou vraiment un sauveur, non?
Qu'est-ce que c'est le "SPAM"?

--Dave "Baudelaire" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1680.
Prosciutto solo,
o salvatore vero?
Che fa questo "SPAM"?

--Dave "Guarini" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1681.
Is it just some meat,
or maybe the true savior?
What is this here "SPAM"?

--Dave "Faulkner" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1682.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!

--Dave "Milton" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1683.
A wild boar roots dirt.
The sanguine sow snorts slyly.
Wham, bam, thank you..."SPAM."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1684.
In the Beginning
"Big SPAM"...Quarks and pigs chaote.
Some sweet and sour pork?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1685.
Road-hogs: "Traffic SPAM."
Let's all go out to a Trough.
Dirty rotten swine!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1686.
a tender morsel
of pink and brown pseudopork
why don't you have some?

--Anonymous

1687.
Four legs in morning,
Two by day and three by night?
Better not be SPAM!

--Mike McGaff

1688.
Three little piggies
Went to market. Chop, chop, chop.
Well, well. I'll be spammed!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1689.
On a distant plane,
beyond passion or remorse,
silently, it pinks.

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1690.
Watch out little kids
The SPAM man is on the prowl
Coming to get you

--Jack of Spades

1691.
Green, blue, dark brown crust
Behind the curdled low-fat
Last New Year's SPAM dip

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1692.
Circled by Triscuits
Abbatoir aroma thick
The Pillar of Oink

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1693.
Hot loins aquiver
The tin opens wide and I
Start gargling the pink

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1694.
SPAM, gelatinous
matter, open thy can and
arouse a clatter.

--Jeremy Dickerson, jdickerson@aristotle.net

1695.
SPAM, a shooting star
gelatinous. Your skin is
a pulsating glow.

--Jeremy Dickerson, jdickerson@aristotle.net

1696.
SPAM, a shooting star
of the space of glowing meat.
I hate thee. SPAM, hail!

--Jeremy Dickerson, jdickerson@aristotle.net

1697.
High Street-Kensington
Plenty of shoes to buy here
No SPAM spied at all

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1698.
Chelsea soccer game
The loser gets to eat SPAM
So Tottenham ties!

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1699.
Soccer game halftime
Bobbies march on field with dogs
Will they dance for SPAM?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1700.
Associative
Word games: "dinner," "fork," "wine," "knife"
"SPAM," "SPAM," "SPAM," "SPAM," "SPAM"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com