SPAM Haiku 1701-1800

Move backwards to Numbers 1601-1700.


1701.
"Black Hole" Hawkins speaks
At Albert Hall; next week, Sir
Hormel speaks on SPAM.
--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1702.
Beatles: "Now they know
how many SPAMs it takes to
fill the Albert Hall!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1703.
Garfunkel's watron
Worst service in the U.K.
Should have ordered SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1704.
French waitress nearby
Didn't smile when asked for SPAM
"What is her problem?"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1705.
"Rogue A-meri-caan,
Hye can tak hyis SPAM, shove IT!
I wheel no serve hyim!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1706.
Ever you get lost
In the Maze at Hampton Court,
Bring plenty of SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1707.
"Ye Grape," "Butler's Head."
London's filled with pubs, but no
"SPAM and Firkin" here.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1708.
Polish, Lebanese,
French, Indian, best food, yet
None of it British.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1709.
Bank, Moorgate, Fulham
London Underground stations
"Mind the gap," you SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1710.
Cloudy London day
Every day of the whole week
SPAM brightens my day

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1711.
Apollo 13
Transatlantic inflight film
Bacon in a can

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1712.
Palace made me sleep,
The French refuse to serve SPAM
"There's no place like home!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1713.
My dog ran away
Cannot find him anywhere
SPOT! SPOT! Are you SPAM?

--Anonymous

1714.
As I breathe it in
I am now in a new land
where the earth is SPAM

--Jack of Spades

1715.
Can't we get along?
The world would be much better
If we all ate SPAM

--Jack of Spades

1716.
Galactic wormholes
Excrete amorphous garbage.
Stars are made from SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1717.
Beware the SPAM that
Flies by night and drinks red blood.
Some garlic might help.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1718.
Avaunt, thou foul swine!
Take that, (slash), and that, you pig!
Anyone for SPAM?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1719.
Galileo probe
Reveals Jupiter's secret--
SPAM, the Great Pink Spot!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1720.
Show SPAM reverence
If you don't listen to it
It will destroy YOU!

--Jack of Spades

1721.
The party ended
When the host unveiled dessert;
Fresh, pink SPAMoni.

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1722.
Tell, who begat thee,
O evolutionary
cipher of meatdom?

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1723.
Zen Master ponders:
If SPAM falls in the forest
Do animals fear?

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1724.
SPAM-SPAM-Chip Ice Cream
Chunky, oven-baked SPAM chips
Truly, truly, vile

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1725.
Hormel says "SPiced hAM."
Better than starving to death,
but less dignified.

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1726.
Blue and gold car nine
made to woo the redneck chef;
Speed inside, not SPAM.

--Stacy Huggins, Concord, NC

1727.
Great debate of late:
Hormel product on the plate
Is it meat or not?

--J. E. Paley

1728.
Gouda or Gruyere
Cheese to eat with precious meat
Coming in a loaf

--J. E. Paley

1729.
Tell you how I feel
Love is like a soft spring day
Potted meat is fine

--J. E. Paley

1730.
Dukes, viscounts, and earls
All agree the finest pearls
Pink and good to eat

--J. E. Paley

1731.
Salmon colored grub
People flock to eat and mock
Disingenuous

--J. E. Paley

1732.
Whither go the troops?
Running, hiding, petrified
Like the meat they flee

--J. E. Paley

1733.
Richie Cunningham
Never had to eat no SPAM
Filming Happy Days

--J. E. Paley

1734.
Deck the Hall of Fame
With the meat that brings us shame
Like the players have

--J. E. Paley

1735.
what is the sound of
one spam clapping in the wood?
would it pork or chop?

--Anonymous

1736.
I followed my thoughts
relishing the pain of loss
my spam is my life

--Anonymous

1737.
i think that it is
possible to stand balanced
on one can of spam.

--Anonymous

1738.
Jesus here on Earth
some miracles never done
water into SPAM

--Anonymous

1739.
miles davis album
name shows he ate spam daily
called it "can of blue"

--Gary Bisaga, gbisaga@mitre.org

1740.
miles davis loved spam
felt it would add years to life
of course he's dead now

--Gary Bisaga, gbisaga@mitre.org

1741.
In Spamadu did
Kublai Khan a pleasure dome
Decree. MacDonald's.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1742.
It is forbidden
To hunt the SPAM in summer.
Mating season then.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1743.
The great God Spam played
His pipes. Nearby, fauns and nymphs
Rapidly dispersed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1744.
Right jolly old elf,
In his sack, pink porcine grease.
No thanks, Spamta Claus.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1745.
Billy Jeff tried it,
Didn't like it, never once
inhaled a SPAM splif.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1746.
Marvin Shanken tries
SPAM Aficionado,
loses Cohibas.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1747.
Gates acquires Hormel.
Microsoft SPAM for Windows.
Apple stock doubles.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1748.
Vanna, a vowel,
Add it to my initials.
SPAM I am, SHAM!

--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1749.
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"

--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1750.
Poor Alex Dunne, rues
Britannia. Hit by a
lorry, full of SPAM.

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1751.
McQueen's "Blob" frozen,
Dropped into Antarctica.
(It--pink. Its can--blue.)

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1752.
Opening the can
Provides a sense of wonder:
"Who has lost their lunch?"

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1753.
SPAM has lost its charm
Since you left with the milk man.
Till we "meat" again!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1754.
The cognoscenti
Regard SPAM as trash or worse.
Can't we all just eat?

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1755.
To imagine SPAM
As anything but homely
Would be an art-crime.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1756.
my wife won't serve it
"it kills," she posits before
serving me chicken

--Stacy Huggins, Concord, NC

1757.
camp delicacy
pan-fried with eggs uh-oh I
don't have a latrine

--Stacy Huggins, Concord, NC

1758.
Red Super Giant,
SPAM, about to implode now.
Another meat ball.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1759.
Wilt thou take this spam
To be thy lawful wedded
Spouse? You will? You Jerk!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1760.
Morphogenetic
Fields of SPAM transcend our space.
Quantumeity!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1761.
Pass the SPAM, my dear.
Wash it down with watered beer.
Made for each other.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1762.
Hold-up at Safeway.
Gunman points Gatling at mum.
"Unhand that SPAM, mame."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1763.
Whale in the ocean
Should not be eaten as food
Pink stuff is Spamoo

--Tom Dallaire and Jeff Smith, thosd@aol.com

1764.
Spamiverse exists
In a stretched cubic Pinkum.
Uncertainty rules.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1765.
Granite monuments
Cherry blossoms fall like rain
The color of SPAM

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1766.
Eat a loaf of SPAM
The empty can is not trash
Measure the pink dose

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1767.
Maternity ward
Offers newborn babies SPAM
Welcome; none come out.

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1768.
"Rejoice, Mary, thou
Art blessed among women." "Whoa!
Thought it was SPAM gas!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1769.
And there were in that
Country swineherds, tending their
Future tinned product.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1770.
God's angel appeared
Unto them, saying: "Hmm. Good
Spot for SPAM franchise."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1771.
"Be not afraid, for
Unto you this day is born
Sure-fire sales gimmick."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1772.
And there did appear
Before them a heav'nly host,
Singing "Pass the SPAM!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1773.
Manger animals
Gather about; kine, lamb, pig...
Feh! Oy vey! Unclean!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1774.
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1775.
Spamivores will kill.
Sheepskin underpants deflect
Damp intrusive snouts.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1776.
Boy, do I love SPAM
I love old SPAM from a can
Oh yes, I love SPAM

--Anonymous

1777.
Hey, did you know that
The word "SPAM" is "maps" backwards
That is really neat

--Anonymous

1778.
Aren't eating SPAM so
Thank you God, our daily food
We aren't eating SPAM

--Anonymous

1779.
How could they make such
a disgusting laxative
Use Metamucil

--Anonymous

1780.
Hawaiian lunch meat?
Someone else's old shoe heels?
We may never know.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1781.
Error in judgment:
I thought that the SPAM was fresh.
It was infected.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1782.
Can you guess my name?
I have four letters and fat.
I smell like old pigs.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1783.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
Five SPAMs in my open hand.
Will you count me rich?

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1784.
The tin is opened.
A strange aroma comes forth.
Dog spit? No. Pork chunks!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1785.
Inside every
SPAM can there is a little
Coy politician.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1786.
The fishing pink Spam.
Only one leg is needed;
Whoops!...a feather floats.

--Mike O'C, mickman@intonet.co.uk

1787.
Ptoing!...one hears the sound.
A plucked nose tendril perhaps.
Breezes stir Spamboos.

--Mike O'C, mickman@intonet.co.uk

1788.
Esta el primer
haiku de spam escrité
en español mal.

--Ben Hitz, hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu

1789.
Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.

--Ben Hitz, hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu

1790.
Where have I gone to
Lost again, searching for the
Everlasting SPAM

--Tony "spamhead" Lucio, luciant@Charlie.acc.iit.edu

1791.
Pink glossy surface
Shows me my face reflected
Muted. Disfigured.

--Andy Stevenson, 5514230@mcimail.com

1792.
Sitting, quivering,
squishy mass on my plate. I
think I will vomit.

--Dan Auslander, dauslan@bgnet.bgsu.edu

1793.
SPAM, pink like a girl--
just play with it, lovingly
form that special shape.

--Dan Auslander, dauslan@bgnet.bgsu.edu

1794.
I think SPAM is cool.
What other substance has the
same fake taste and smell.

--Dan Auslander, dauslan@bgnet.bgsu.edu

1795.
Karate black belt.
Hai! Smashes a stack of SPAM.
Fingers sucked clean off.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1796.
Confucius saying:
Wise man tell horse crap from dog
Poo. SPAM fool him, though.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1797.
Armageddon come,
I shall build my shelter from
a million blue cans.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1798.
A truckload of SPAM,
Canned kraut, half-dozen bagels,
Bring home for Emma.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1799.
Millenia hence,
the memorabilia
enshrines the labels.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1800.
Stretched stale meniscus
over opened rusted tin,
drummed disgusting din.

--Rory, Son of Mickman


Move forwards to Numbers 1801-1900.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.