SPAM Haiku 401-500

Move backwards to Numbers 301-400.

401.
What once contained SPAM
now rusts in tall roadside weed--
Kerouac long gone.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

402.
If you have a leak
and caulking is what you need
you can just use SPAM

--Amy Marie McManus, amarie@mailgw.anes.med.umich.edu

403.
Hark! I hear the SPAM
the tinny clink of the can
mysterious song

--Amy Marie McManus, amarie@mailgw.anes.med.umich.edu

404.
Look, John Travolta
How I miss the butterflies
No room to bake SPAM

--Anonymous

405.
Oh, befuddled SPAM
resting in its little tin
plays at being ham

--Anonymous

406.
Behold the Beauty,
An unopened can of SPAM;
Its essence blinds us...

--asmialek@SEVA.net

407.
Big pink eraser
Or is it a tasty Treet?
Oops! Wrong meat product.

--Anonymous

408.
Hormel court battle
Muppet named Spa'am can't be
Name too similar

--Daniel Chen, dschen@cs.buffalo.edu

409.
New Muppet Spa'am
Must be mystery muppet
Can't tell what's in it

--Daniel Chen, dschen@cs.buffalo.edu

410.
Gelatinous pink
Arteriosclerosis
In a blue tin can

--Bill Lundy

411.
Follow your SPAM bliss
It will take you far away
A place where pigs rule

--Taz Cale

412.
Manufactured snail
in a tin, oozing away
on a slimy trail.

--John Lee

413.
SPAM I am my man
Sweet and pink, watch my globules
As I die, fry... fry...

--Dave Goodrum

414.
Brainless and gutless--
Well not the last one. Brainless,
I reach for the tongue.

--Dave Goodrum

415.
Who is not SPAM here
I say let them rot in hell
Here is where I rot.

--Dave Goodrum

416.
Being SPAM is good
I will live when you are gone
Shit me if you will.

--Dave Goodrum

417.
In the morning, yes
In the evening, oh yes, yes
Late night snack, oh SPAM

--Dave Goodrum

418.
Fried in thin slices
Cubed and served with cheese not Swiss
Some like it mashed up.

--Dave Goodrum

419.
Must I speak plainly
I want the world to eat SPAM
The SPAM trade is good

--Dave Goodrum

420.
Guts rumble and boil.
Visions of rising SPAM-gorge
Plague my toilet sprint.

--Anonymous

421.
SPAM in the suburbs,
Ethnic icon in the can--
Caucasian Soul Food!

--Anonymous

422.
If Satan had used
SPAM to tempt Eve, would we now
Live in Paradise?

--Anonymous

423.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM AAAAAAAAAA MAPS MAPS MAPS
MAPS MAPS MAPS MAPS MAPS

--Powdered TOAST Man

424.
At the Last Supper,
Apostles order the SPAM.
"Christ! It tastes like shit!"

--Anonymous

425.
Boiled, fried, poached, or raw,
Skewered, roasted, or toasted.
SPAM! That's the ticket!

--Anonymous

426.
Read these SPAM haiku.
Curious, I tried a bite.
No joke, it's putrid!

--Anonymous

427.
It's whipped meat, with lumps,
Smooth yet gritty, firm but soft,
The cute pink patty.

--Anonymous

428.
SPAM is a safe food.
Could anything so greasy
Get stuck in your throat?

--Anonymous

429.
SPAM is born of pig--
All the parts chopped and stirred in
Procrustean stew.

--Anonymous

430.
Who invented SPAM?
Demented Rabbi, crazed Jew
Angry at his God?

--Anonymous

431.
Marie Antoinette
Should have kept her head and said,
"Just let them eat SPAM."

--Anonymous

432.
Forty year-old man,
Pathetic, hunched at the screen.
Writing SPAM haiku.

--Anonymous

433.
"Open the can, man!"
Pink, meaty treat slides down throat.
"Where is the can, man?"

--Anonymous

434.
The answer to life
Lies in one simple action
To open the can

--Darren Sleeman, darren@open17.europe.apple.com

435.
Was Yoda's advice
"Use the SPAM, Luke. Use the SPAM!"
A SPAM-inspired fluke?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

436.
Han in Carbonite,
Jabba thawed him with bacon
Now he's SPAM Solo

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

437.
Star Wars' Storm Troopers
Run funny in their white suits
Vader feeds them SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

438.
Elmer Fudd Gantry
Goes through five white suits a day
He eats too much SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

439.
Lee Marvin ate SPAM
This inspired his war movie
Called The Big Red One

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

440.
In Taxi Driver
Travis thought he was cooking
SPAM over gas flame

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

441.
Godzilla ate SPAM
Then destroyed all of Tokyo
To cleanse his palate

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

442.
SPAM PowerRanger
Defeats enemies with Gel
In reruns only

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

443.
Bob Dylan ate SPAM
Sought truth and change for country
SPAM blowing in wind

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

444.
Was beseeched by friend
To discontinue haiku
Based solely on SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

445.
SPAM on the griddle.
Sizzles, spits, shrinks, but dammit--
It won't disappear!

--Anonymous

446.
Gullet to colon,
SPAM sliding, swooping to its
Greasy terminus.

--Anonymous

447.
What goes best with SPAM?
The red? The white? Or the rose?
Nah, BEER! Lots of it!

--Anonymous

448.
SPAM! What a gut bomb!
Gags me, this vile meat product.
Who can eat this shit?

--Anonymous

449.
SPAM frying in lard
The whir of the kitchen fan
Summer of my youth

--Linda

450.
Is it wrong to lust
After rich yet unknown meats?
Ask not to know SPAM.

--Michael Jered Kopp

451.
In vile disbelief,
I dissolve into heartbreak.
The lid won't come off.

--F. Caravella, thefrank@aol.com

452.
The dragons gather
On Komodo at sunrise.
SPAM--who needs a goat?

--Kristin Nelson, kan1@cornell.edu

453.
It waits for you there
Gelatinous, porcine verse
The SPAM Haiku Page

--John Serna, jvs@crl.com

454.
The stars will not fry
Aurora borealis
SPAM glows in the dark

--Vincent Rideout

455.
Can with round corners,
Dense and blue like summer sky.
Thank you Hormel--yum.

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

456.
Spamatozoan
swimming freely, abandon,
spies egg, breaks through, pink.

--gconroy@siue.edu

457.
Outdoor church potluck.
SPAM casserole steams in sun.
Flies choose the tuna.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

458.
SPAM poetry page.
American zen poems
Celebrating meat?

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

459.
Is your SPAM too dry?
Kraft has a fine solution--
Smear it with CHEEZ WHIZ!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

460.
Hormel, Cudahy
Fight for canned meat market share.
The consumers lose.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

461.
Ivan Pavlov's dog
Drooled, but never drooled for SPAM.
THAT would be a trick!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

462.
Seek a tactile thrill?
Place a cube of SPAM on floor.
Sit on it, naked

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

463.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

464.
The small tab broken:
SPAM trapped inside forever!
Cannibalism?

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

465.
Wet pink and tasty
Hard exterior...peaceful?
Nuke all the Frenchmen!

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

466.
My cousin is SPAM
Grandmother understands him
Wet pink Thanksgiving!

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

467.
I once planted SPAM
It reached long for the blue sky
Victory garden

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

468.
Shakespeare ate pink meat
Happiness, thy name is SPAM!
Close the tin curtain

--Dave "spam" Krider, http://www.cco.caltech.edu/~ekrider/FunEMail/funemail.html

469.
This is one great food!
Why knock SPAM when it's tasty?
Pork lips? Big deal. Eat!

--Anonymous

470.
A dark, moonless night
In the sky a wondrous sight
The SPAM Nebula

--Anonymous

471.
I hear the SPAM ball
It bounces, porqua, porqua
A haiku of spring

--B. Tallen

472.
Salty and slimy
It slides out of the can woosh
Leaving gel behind

--Anonymous

473.
It lasts forever
Food for the apocalypse
SPAM won't let you down

--Anonymous

474.
Processed meat--oh, joy!
In their small cans, they sit proud.
Magnificent SPAM!

--Anonymous

475.
Ants in a SPAM can
Glancing backwards at themselves,
A microcosm.

--Paul Hehn

476.
True tale: Survival
Training. Seven days, then SPAM.
Best meal of my life.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

477.
Here is a good thought.
Use SPAM in place of golf ball.
Holes-in-one galore!

--Dan Twiggs, SHAKA@UH.EDU

478.
Brave first astronauts.
Really left SPAM on the moon.
Not a stupid flag.

--Dan Twiggs, SHAKA@UH.EDU

479.
Angry mob prowling.
Torches, pitchforks, and loud shouts.
They hunt FrankenSPAM.

--Dan Twiggs, SHAKA@UH.EDU

480.
For years in hiding,
Now revealing all my shame...
The truth--I love SPAM!

--Aaron Romanowsky, aromanowsky@cfa.harvard.edu

481.
Leering old codger
Entreats young girl from doorway--
"Want a piece of SPAM...?"

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

482.
Jitters, sleepless nights.
Wracking brains to no purpose.
A SPAM obsession.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

483.
Hundreds of haiku
On SPAM! What a waste of time!
Get a life, people!

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

484.
Boss thinks I'm working,
unaware of my secret
on-line obsession.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

485.
Screen-saver concept:
Flying toasters spew SPAM. Quick!
Call Berkeley Systems!

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

486.
Autoerotic!
Open can, insert member:
Wham, bam, thank you SPAM!

--Jon Howell and Liam Friedland, jhowell@us.oracle.com and lfriedla@us.oracle.com

487.
So warm and squishy
One week in my underwear
Smell is horrible

--Dpotthast

488.
SPAM, it tastes like shit
The thought of it makes me sick
But I can't resist

--Spiffybone

489.
Pepto Bismol, not
That infinitesimal:
SPAM is on the lam.

--Marian Zeletz, marianz@netropolis.net

490.
Gandhi ate SPAM once;
Eating disorder followed;
We heed the warning...

--asmialek@SEVA.net

491.
I ponder the can:
"What is the weird green substance?..."
I stop pondering.

--asmialek@SEVA.net

492.
I ate all the SPAM.
What the heck was I thinking?
I think I'll go barf!

--Anonymous

493.
Enveiled in mayo,
SPAM feels groom's nibble. It's Great
Expectorations!

--Marian Zeletz, marianz@netropolis.net

494.
Tropical fish fear
Advent of "SPAM Flakes for Fish!"...
Pollutes the water.

--Anonymous

495.
You promised me SPAM
I brought pork rinds and hot sauce
so much in common

--Anonymous

496.
Three days from Juneau
only SPAM left and no key
the men have brave teeth

--Anonymous

497.
SPAM's being pan fried
the only reason for this
is I love the man

--Anonymous

498.
If there were SPAM trees
I'd have to name them Packwoods
they'd be protected

--Anonymous

499.
Is this our fifteen?
Could SPAM be our fame maker?
Congealed irony.

--B. Lenz

500.
It's hard to believe,
So much creativity.
It's only canned meat!

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com