SPAM Haiku 301-400

Move backwards to Numbers 201-300.

301.
Philosophers ask:
How many SPAMs comprise a
Technicolor yawn?

--john "friday is spam-day" sahr

302.
Man rubs square blue can.
Genie appears. Grants wishes.
Man sez "SPAM! SPAM! SPAM!"

--Bill T. Cat

303.
SPAM, SPAM, no more SPAM.
No more SPAMBURGERs either.
SPAM, it really stinks.

--Geoff Johnson

304.
Kate never had SPAM.
I am a woeful father.
SPAM, not toast, for her.

--Paul Johnson, Kate Johnson's dad

305.
What if I vomit
And saved all the small pieces?
Could I call it SPAM?

--Anonymous

306.
Would SPAM taste good with
whiskey, vodka, tequila?
Only if you're drunk.

--Anonymous

307.
It's time to repaint--
But out of paint remover?
Well, smear on the SPAM.

--Anonymous

308.
What if I spread it
over your body? Will you
have a Spamasm?

--Anonymous

309.
Apollo 13.
Kevin Bacon: his best role?
SPAM-In-A-Can, man!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

310.
Oat bran or the SPAM?
Longing, calorie counting,
yearning salt and grease.

--Susan Kim, susankim@visar.wustl.edu

311.
Is it called abuse
If the only wrong you do
Is feed your kids SPAM?

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

312.
SPastic Awful Meal
My thoughts about this stuff which
No one here shares. Bah!

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

313.
Vegetarians
Have all the luck. They do not
Feel the pain of SPAM.

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

314.
Hormel needs taste test.
Hires dogs to eat SPAM.
Dogs get up and leave.

--Susan Ratisher, HMVNipper@aol.com

315.
If I were Buddhist,
I would need to REALLY sin,
To come back as SPAM!

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

316.
Sexy smooth SPAM legs
waxed fatted and lyrical
straddle my porky

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

317.
Strip down the carcass
Vacuum clean those bloody tracts
Very spick-and-spam

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

318.
Burnt or buried dear?
We had him spammed just like Dad
Can I have a slice?

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

319.
Royal etiquette:
When serving the Queen supper
Slice the SPAM thinly

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

320.
When I look at SPAM
I soooo lasciviously
think of you and me.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

321.
Eyes, tubes, ears, and tails
bowels, bladders, hairs and nails
spa-spa-spa-spa-SPLAT!

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

322.
SPAM pass me the SPAM
Wow that's tongue from your big pork
Annoink my breasts Lord

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

323.
Do something for me
Would you? See that happy pig?
Grind it to a pulp.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

324.
Wham bam "Grand Slam" SPAM
mashed, meshed, netted, and returned
Advantage, rich farm.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

325.
S! P! A! M! SPAM!
A cheerleader's cheer for the
Harlem Pig Trotters.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

326.
Not funny haiku
Sorry to send them e-mail
Oink oink oink oink oink

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

327.
Darkness, then the air
I'm sliced, I'm chewed, I'm swallowed
Years go by, then SPLASH!

--plui@hyperreal.com

328.
Cold toilet water
My shit-brown blubber erodes
Behold, Pink Beauty!

--plui@hyperreal.com

329.
Swim! O Pink Lightning
Lead me through the deep, dark depths
Instinct be my guide.

--plui@hyperreal.com

330.
Stream flows by Hormel
Dredged and canned, I live again!
Darkness, then the air.

--plui@hyperreal.com

331.
SPAM is thick pink lard
that's eager to be devoured.
Too bad, yes, too bad.

--Anonymous

332.
If she ate some SPAM
Attractive Cindy Crawford
Would never get laid

--John W. Phillips

333.
Outside of all time,
Before and after eating,
SPAM exists, unchanged.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

334.
Tangy salt and fat
Glistening pink ecstasy
Just a buck a can

--Rob Chi, Jim Hone, and Aaron Barth

335.
Waiter, I would like
SPAM cocktail, shaken not stirred.
It's been quite a day.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

336.
Make six cuts through SPAM,
get twenty-seven SPAMS: this
is not food for thought.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

337.
I think that I shall
Never see a SPAM as love-
ly as a SPAM tree.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

338.
Sumer is cumin
in: SPAM, cuckoo, cuckoo SPAM
Cuckoo SPAM cuckoo

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

339.
Grow some SPAM of your
own, amigo; grow some SPAM
of your own at home.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

340.
I see you shiver
with antici- SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM -pation.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

341.
Get back at your boss
Make him drink a lot of beer
Shove SPAM down his throat

--Anonymous

342.
That SPAM I am not
But then I ate all the SPAM
Now that SPAM I am!

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

343.
Chinese SPAM roll, please.
From column A, column B
Pork fried SPAM with rice.

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

344.
Porky Pig eat SPAM?
A porcine quandary indeed.
"Now leth's have thome thPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

345.
Rectangular child.
Incestuous coupling of
Treet and Dinty Moore.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

346.
Mute pink sacrifice,
No witnesses except for
Unseeing stove eye.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

347.
Recycled SPAM cans
Collected from roadside ditch
Paid for my college.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

348.
Carried in car trunk
In case of emergency.
Just don't eat the crap.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

349.
Maligned creation.
Vienna Sausage love child
Born out of wedlock.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

350.
Luncheon meat phallus
Falls under my knife for a
Quick circumcision.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

351.
Pig-grinder vandal.
SPAM-factory laborer
Brings world to its knees.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

352.
This line ends with SPAM.
This line has SPAM in between.
This line's run out of...

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

353.
Ben and Jerry say,
"Try our new ice cream flavor:
Choco-Toffee-SPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

354.
Ms. Piggy eschews
A small bit of frog in SPAM
Good for what ails you

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

355.
Flotation device
Made of SPAM staves off hunger
In emergency.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

356.
Porcelain goddess
Accepts my offering of
SPAM, chocolate milk.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

357.
Pig parts gelatin.
But Bill Cosby only eats
J-E-L-L-O.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

358.
Blue and yellow can
Making Christmas dreams come true.
Serendipity!

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

359.
Bouquet of pig parts.
Olfactory orgasm.
Savored aroma.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

360.
Across my dreams dance
Large-breasted women and SPAM.
Freud would be baffled.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

361.
Leaning to kiss her,
Smelling her breath, I thought of
Love and luncheon loaf.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

362.
Fabricated loaf
Of unknown consistency.
Molded perfection.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

363.
Glom together parts
Of pigs not used for others.
Low-buck luncheon loaf.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

364.
Vacuum seal whispers.
Malodorous scent escapes.
Contents glimpse freedom.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

365.
Driving with Ute friends.
Miles of silence pass before,
"Price of SPAM is up."

--Anonymous

366.
Urban SPAM Theory:
Old McDonald had a spig,
Ee-Ii-Ee-Ii-Oh.

--john "brainless in Seattle" sahr

367.
Miniature tadpoles,
Mine had one X, one Y...SPAM?
Oops, thought you said sperm.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

368.
Conjugate the verb:
I spam, you spam, he/she spams.
In any tense, bleah.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

369.
Mix one loaf SPAM with
Five psilocybin 'shrooms, bake.
See the Great Pink God.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

370.
Crowds of refugees,
Starving. UN airdrops SPAM.
Muslims flee from planes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

371.
Mickey Mantle and
the "Bewitched" guy. New livers?
Let them transplant SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

372.
Endless agony,
Straining, pushing; finally
Sphincter relaxes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

373.
Come in here, dear boy.
Open a tin--goes far. By
The way, which one's Pink?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

374.
Read ten SPAM haiku
SPAM is fun to ridicule
Submitted ten more

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

375.
I saw SPAM at lunch
He did not look very well
Perhaps he ate SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

376.
I saw SPAM at lunch
He looked a little bit green
Perhaps he ate SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

377.
Iraqis give up
They only had SPAM to eat
during Desert Storm

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

378.
SPAM in can is great,
It can really last, but SPAM
on stick is mobile

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

379.
SPAM went to the store
Had to buy some Chunky Soup
In the next aisle, Mom!

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

380.
SPAM goes to D.C.
Wins seat in legislature
Pork-barrel funding

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

381.
SPAM asks his mother,
"What's great about being SPAM?"
"You'll never grow old."

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

382.
Ms. Piggy and Frog
have child, unsure of father,
So they name him SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

383.
Writing SPAM haiku:
Could only write nine before
The SPAM muse left me.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

384.
Oh please, Mommy, please!
All the other kids eat SPAM...
She said "No." Denied!

--Lisa

385.
Haltingly goes SPAM,
cubed and formed meat-like product,
from plate to gullet.

--Matthew Watters, bwatters@unlinfo.unl.edu

386.
SPAM, my special ham,
pink and pounded in the can,
fools Mother Nature.

--Matthew Watters, bwatters@unlinfo.unl.edu

387.
Manure, plant, pig, plant,
can, store, home of poor, manure:
life cycle of SPAM.

--Matthew Watters, bwatters@unlinfo.unl.edu

388.
Hear me, oh SPAM Man,
Spawned from the great, blue SPAM can.
I now have the runs.

--Bryan@aol.com

389.
The blue can is square
Why not a circular can?
Too much like dog food

--Anonymous

390.
FDA approves
Seventeen rat hairs per SPAM
Do they shave the rats?

--Anonymous

391.
Pork shoulder and ham:
Ingredients of Hormel's
Orgiastic feast

--Anonymous

392.
Vat of proto-SPAM
You don rubber hip-waders
To brave the pink tide

--Anonymous

393.
Pigaro's Wedding:
by Mozart, otherwise known
as Spamadeus.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

394.
Greek pastry delight:
Spamakopita! Yum, Yum!
I eat with gusto.

--Liam Friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

395.
I SPAM what I SPAM
I'm Popeye the Sailor SPAM
Ock-gek-gek-gek-gek

--Liam Friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

396.
Addiction profound
Work shunned, and friends forgotten
for the SPAM archive

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

397.
I wear handsome clothes
And I really despise SPAM
Oh God! Am I gay?

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

398.
Plastic, crinkly wrap
Extract one, delicate Ritz
Spreadability

--David Loomstein, Remora7@aol.com

399.
Pink fractal landscape
Revered by Monty Python
The stuff of legends

--Anonymous

400.
Chopped pork shoulder meat
With a bit of ham added
Sodium nitrate

--Mike Nolan,nolan@naic.edu