When you look at me, you probably just see a crazy old bag lady. That's no big surprise. After all, I wear my panty hose around my ankles, my wig inside out (that keeps it looking nice), and I'm covered with post-it notes. That's because I'm the next step in evolution. Go ahead and laugh, I don't mind. I have to keep writing down the stuff I think of so I don't forget it. I never know when I'm going to have a Eureka Experience and think of something so wonderful I must not forget. How I look doesn't matter much, since my employers don't care.
"Employers?" you think. "Why is she a bag lady if she has employers?" A good question. These employers aren't just any old people. They're my Space Chums. I'm here to give my Space Chums new experiences to take back to their planet with them. Just yesterday, we went to see this kid play the violin. He was a good kid, and my Space Chums liked it. Afterwards, we stopped to talk to my friends, Brandy and Tina. Well, I talked, my Space Chums listened. You see, only I can see or feel my Space Chums. They say it's because they don't want to disturb anyone here, but I think it's because they're shy.
Anyway, it was raining hard out while we were talking, so I was wearing my umbrella hat. Yeah, you may laugh now, but I'll be the one laughing the next time it rains. My umbrella hat is my one creation I'm proud of. Protects from rain, sun, and muggers. For some reason, muggers never want to mug people wearing an umbrella hat. But anyway, we were talking and this guy comes up to us and asks us how to get to Carnegie Hall. "Practice!" I say immediately. Suddenly, we all notice this well-dressed lady standing there watching us. We all start laughing at my joke. I noticed her hair had started to shrink on one side, so I offered her my umbrella hat. She got this strange look on her face, like I get when I stare at the stars, and she took my hat. I figure she needed it more than I did. It's my responsibility to look out for humanity. After all, we can't all be at the peak of evolution.
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