SPAM Haiku 1301-1400

Move backwards to Numbers 1201-1300.

1301.
Through patient training
I have now developed a
SPAM immunity

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1302.
I hunted the SPAM
Until I had cornered it--
Then it turned savage

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1303.
Eat SPAM through a straw--
For sure, it may be hard work
But very slimming.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1304.
Fall-out shelter fear:
helpless, I watch friends unearth
a hoard and more SPAM.

--Anonymous

1305.
In the market aisle
Burst can of pork by-products
Slip and bust your face

--Bob Kaimer

1306.
Beneath the armpits
SPAM gives one a manly scent
Drives all women wild

--Bob Kaimer

1307.
SPAM set on a post
Shot at with forty-four mag.
This is why I shoot

--Bob Kaimer

1308.
Can of SPAM in road
Rolled over with steam roller
Behold porcine spray

--Bob Kaimer

1309.
Grilled or lightly fried
SPAM makes all foods obsolete
Swine are vilified

--Bob Kaimer

1310.
Nietsche sits alone
Pondering the will of SPAM
Fred is off his nut

--Bob Kaimer

1311.
For a week I tried
vegetarianism.
Hormel stock plummets.

--Rob Marquardt, guyspam@aol.com

1312.
Grills spew smoke on mall.
D.C. filled with barbeque.
The million-SPAM march.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1313.
i read the latest
SPAM haiku by the SHAM--was
overcome by fumes

--Phumin' Phil Erickson

1314.
this part doesn't have the
right number of syllables
i don't give a SPAM

--Phumin' Phil Erickson

1315.
SPAM a can of fun
Pork ham salt water sugar
Sodium nitrate

--Anonymous

1316.
Doc, look in my head,
I said. I'm tired and brain dead.
Looks like SPAM, he said.

--Anonymous

1317.
Gloomy autumn day
SPAM slips from plate, onto floor
Melancholy fall

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

1318.
Computer upgrade
Installed sixteen megs of SPAM
Sizzling slabs of bits

--Bob Tinsman

1319.
Noah built an ark.
Oh, why couldn't he have just
let the damn pigs drown?

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1320.
The evil Borg ship
Threatening all of mankind.
Second most vile cube.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1321.
Economy class.
The entrée choice: SPAM or SPAM.
Oh, look! Parachutes!

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1322.
SPAM, of thee I dream
Through sweet dark till awful morn:
Day calls me from thee.

--Anonymous

1323.
Gel'd pig snouts and tongues?
Why does it really matter?
"Parts is parts," they say.

--Anonymous

1324.
We carved SPAM at lunch
Stacey tried it finally
She found it evil

--Lisa Sloniker, ronsar@cyberid.com

1325.
Seth brought SPAM to lunch
We carved the SPAM and ate it
Couldn't go to class

--Lisa Sloniker, ronsar@cyberid.com

1326.
Ghastly brew of sick-
ly livestock cadavers. Packed
for mass consumption.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1327.
Typhus infected
decayed rodent. INTO THE
MEAT GRINDER, FOUL SLAG!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1328.
Man trapped in restroom.
John clogged with chunky SPAM flow...
Brown, watery grave.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1329.
Gave my niece a pig-
gy-back ride. She farts. SPAM gust.
AHHH!...the pungent stench!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1330.
Had apples, tacos,
and SPAM for lunch. Prepare for
downward eruption.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1331.
I am unsurpassed
in sick, twisted SPAM haiku.
Hormel psychosis.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1332.
I've been called "sick," "por-
nographic," "lame," and now "WEAK"!!!?
That does it, dammit!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1333.
I have yet begun
to defile myself!!! All right,
where's my THESAURUS?!!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1334.
Cloaca slush swirls
in vat of rotting beef snot.
Formula for SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1335.
Grandma's secret way
to prevent bed rot: Lift gir-
dle and...SMEAR THE SPAM!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1336.
Squalid forage lays
in can. Salt and sludge. Slick mal-
odorous rubbage.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1337.
Crimson mortified
meat! Damn the SPAM!!! Question con-
sistency of thee!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1338.
YES!!! I have again
sunk to new depths of vulgar-
ity!!! Hail the king!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1339.
Armour makes SPAM, too,
But they call it "Treet" instead
And it is a treet.

--Anonymous

1340.
In a perfect world
SPAM would be a food-group true
If it was true food

--Anonymous

1341.
One suggestion please
If ever one were needed
SPAMBURGER HELPER!!

--Anonymous

1342.
Boy trapped in ice box
Nothing else inside but SPAM
Boy eats own left foot

--Anonymous

1343.
Sculpted log of pork
cold, viscous meat frappé; you
come out with a slurp

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1344.
Oh meaty poundcake
beads of pork syrup shimmer
I found some gristle

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1345.
Caressed in swine-gel
in a bulging metal womb
where is your mother?

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1346.
Infused with hormones
flesh whipped into putrid froth
you congeal, pig-child

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1347.
Minty meat log--wow!
Pungent pork jam pill--oh boy!
I'm a freshmaker.

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1348.
Pulverized bowels
pink in translucent gray gel
dappled with red lumps

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1349.
SPAM is healthy meat
It's good for your arteries
Ignore those chest pains

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1350.
Mommy, what is SPAM?
Satan made it long ago
and then fled screaming.

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1351.
My kitty licks SPAM
and then starts to twitch and mew;
what is that stuff--foam?

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1352.
Crude appellations
Ridiculing SPAM's essence
They don't understand

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

1353.
All the good SPAIKU*
Have already been written--
That's why this one sucks.

--Ranko

1354.
*(As SPAM is to ham,
So is SPAIKU to haiku:
Canned and mass-produced.)

--Ranko

1355.
As a child, mom fed
me SPAM when I cursed. Oper-
ant conditioning.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1356.
Retain digested
SPAM for days, insecure. Trapped
in Freud's anal stage.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1357.
Secret craving for
SPAM. Hide proof of SPAM love. Cog-
nitive dissonance.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1358.
Rogue vampire journeys
far spreading vile Hormel black
plague. NOSPAMATU!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1359.
Victims of vampire
fall to their knees. Seething co-
lons...No cure in sight...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1360.
One doctor comes forth
to crush the pale bovine bat.
Von Helspam attacks!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1361.
He pounds a stake in
beast's colon to avenge and
save remaining lives!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1362.
Foolish and futile...
Streams of brown SPAM diarrhe-
a engulf the land...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1363.
All drown in gangrene
rivers. Mass immolation.
Blackened world. The End.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1364.
I excrete morbid
SPAM haiku with fervent hos-
tility and grace.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1365.
Blue and gold cry out
The can creaks as it opens
Something dead inside

--Bart Thielges, thielges@xilinx.com

1366.
SPAM sits on the shelf
Convicts stagnate in Folsom
Both steel-encased flesh

--Bart Thielges, thielges@xilinx.com

1367.
Eau d'Spamme cologne:
It's for the man confident
enough to smell bad.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1368.
Ed Wood used pork slabs
for pink UFOs in SPAM
9 from Outer Space.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1369.
Immanuel Kant
tried to justify SPAM in
Critique of Pure Pork.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1370.
It was built to keep
out invading armies: The
Great SPAM of China.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1371.
How did the Great SPAM
work? The Mongol hordes smelled it
then ran to Europe.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1372.
Did you know that the
Great SPAM's the only lunch meat
visible from space?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1373.
When Nixon went to
China, he observed, "This is
indeed a great SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1374.
Seven cans of SPAM
Stuffed inside my evening bag
Now I feel secure

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1375.
Einstein enjoyed SPAM
The can is shaped like warped space
SPAM at speed of light

--Anonymous

1376.
Meat, gelatinous
Indefatigable cube,
Rebounds to the touch.

--Anonymous

1377.
Cindy, Bobby, Jan,
Peter, Marcia, Greg, Alice,
Carol and Mike. SPAM!

--Anonymous

1378.
Society falls,
Bombs, fire, flood, and pestilence,
SPAM heals and brings peace.

--Anonymous

1379.
Green with jealousy,
Steak spoils if kept unfrozen.
Everlasting SPAM.

--Anonymous

1380.
Through long days journeyed.
Comfort and peace. SPAM greets the
weary traveller.

--Anonymous

1381.
A woman seeks love,
Alone, alone, in the dark.
She finds only SPAM.

--Anonymous

1382.
Julie eats the SPAM.
Kills Isaac, Gopher, and Doc.
Must protect the SPAM.

--Anonymous

1383.
Janet and Chrissy,
Life without Mister Roper.
Jack prepares the SPAM.

--Anonymous

1384.
Steel-ensconced vessel,
Unwavering in flight. Must
Assimilate SPAM.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1385.
It's a three-hour tour.
Professor is genius!
SPAM now radio.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1386.
Unending circle.
Meat byproducts come and go.
SPAM waits patiently.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1387.
What meat through yonder
window breaks? It is SPAM, and
Juliet lies hurt.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1388.
Gristle on the screen
is confusing my palate;
Sarajevan SPAM.

--Juris Odins, jodins@unotes1.mnet.uswest.com

1389.
SPAM: Spit Puke A Mile!
Not a pleasant image, pal,
But we're not sissies!

--Jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1390.
Professor strikes out.
Skipper digs into SPAM cache,
Lures chicks into hut.

--Anonymous

1391.
SPAM! (sex) SPAM! (sex) SPAM!
Subliminal commercials.
A Hormel secret.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1392.
New federal law:
"Prisons must serve SPAM daily."
Crime rate drops to nil.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1393.
Fine champagne and SPAM.
Surely made for each other.
Like ballet and rap.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1394.
"SPAM is good for you!"
(Ad paid by the makers of
Alka-Seltzer Plus.)

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1395.
Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's your 'Treet'."
The brats torched my house.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1396.
Endless SPAM haiku.
SHAM considers the future.
Terabyte disk drive.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1397.
There once was a man
from SPAMtucket. Oops! Need SPAM
limerick Web site.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1398.
Jonathan uses
Hyphens to make haiku work.
SPAM uses colons.

--Anonymous

1399.
Hey SHAM! Hurry up!
Grab domain name SPAM.com
Before Hormel does!

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

1400.
Jonathan Black dies,
comes back a pig: made into
SPAM. Justice is served.

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV