SPAM Haiku 1401-1500

Move backwards to Numbers 1301-1400.

1401.
Eat a can of SPAM.
Colonic irrigation
is in store for you!

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1402.
Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light, gelled.

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1403.
Slick ham, briny cube
Fermenting, colloidal, you
Succor your people.

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1404.
Paradoxical--
Can't live with SPAM, can't kill it
Without atom bombs.

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1405.
One question remains:
Should the word "SPAM" be used in
Ev'ry last haiku?

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1406.
What a mockery--
Lettuce and fruits surround SPAM.
Why gild the lily?

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1407.
Intent on my SPAM
I see no one, hear nothing.
Far distant--SU-EY!

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1408.
Would I could save SPAM
From such spurious hackers
As Jonathan Black.

--Anonymous

1409.
Frightened and lonely,
A tin high upon a ledge
Ponders SPAMicide.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1410.
Mork studies pig cube,
Sends report back to Orson.
SPAM Dawber puzzled.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1411.
Cold SPAM canapes
Served up by John Belushi--
Martha Stewart's Hell!

--Anonymous

1412.
Julia Child dines,
Secretly gorging on SPAM.
"Bon appetit (burp)."

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1413.
The chorus sings: "Praise
Hormel from whom blessings flow..."
SPAM doxology.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1414.
"Give Hormel your tired,
your poor, your huddled masses
yearning to eat SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1415.
Michael Jackson sells
more Beatles songs for ads: "I
Wanna Hold Your SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1416.
In new commercials,
Hormel copies Pizza Hut:
"Eat old SPAM 'crust first.'"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1417.
The Crying Game 2's
big secret: Jaye's "penis" was
really made from SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1418.
Do they make pork rinds
with pig parts left over from
SPAM? Or vice-versa?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1419.
if e e cummings
were to contribute haiku
he would write of 'spam'

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1420.
Spilling the beans in
Friends: "Joey made a porn flick."
"Well, Ross once ate SPAM!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1421.
Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1422.
Multiple posted
Sexual advertising
Get a fucking clue!

--Ross Finlayson, finlayson@cs.stanford.edu

1423.
See that crazy SPAM!
Oozing in that crazy can!
Wow! It tastes like ham!

--The Great Melvino

1424.
Its exterior
Gelatinous glistening
Quickly, scrape it off

--MTilford, tthestep@aol.com

1425.
Maps are for reading
But SPAM is not for eating
It is for spamming

--Anonymous

1426.
"If it doesn't kill
you, it makes you stronger." So,
get tough! Eat SPAM, wimps!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1427.
Wait. Tests on SPAM show:
"If it doesn't kill you, it
just makes you nauseous."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1428.
struggling to think of
something more vile than SPAM: ah--
Frampton comes alive!

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

1429.
broke jazz dudes read ad:
"earn bucks as Hormel pitchmen!"
must take disco gig

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

1430.
I saw a coupon
for "SPAM cuisine"...two words com-
bined that can't make sense.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1431.
Memories of SPAM
from deep within my childhood?
--or Monty Python?

--Ernie Tamminga, createch@silcom.com

1432.
Some dislike my verse.
But note this: To read SPAM is
not compulsory!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1433.
"His spurious prose
offends me! I feel dirty
to read such vile filth!"

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1434.
Awwww...my sad heart weeps
for the whines and convictions
of SPAM hypocrites.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1435.
I sometimes wonder
if I included angels
and bunnies in my

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1436.
haiku, then would I
be accepted and revered?
I truly doubt it.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1437.
Be yourself or be
a tool. I LIKE to write sick,
deranged SPAM poems...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1438.
Why shouldn't I mock
SPAM? It ain't the Vatican!!!!?
It BEGS for satire!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1439.
So I continue
to exude dark prose, without
care, concern for fools,

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1440.
because I don't in-
tend to offend...I just of-
fend with my intent.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1441.
SPAM critics flushed from
bowl of banal bowel deluge.
Hypocrite feces.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1442.
Stephen Hawking writes
about "pink holes" in A Brief
History of SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1443.
Hunter S. Thompson
eats SPAM, writes Fear and Loathing
in Minnesota.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1444.
Russian sub captain
defects for SPAM. Clancy's Hunt
for Pink October.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1445.
Spamasaurus Rex
cloned from old loaves' DNA
in Jurassic Pork.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1446.
Hormel runs out of
pig snouts, tries KFC's wastes.
Result? SPICKEN-SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1447.
Some of these haiku
have nothing to do with SPAM.
Shamelessly SPAMless.

--john.foster@camel.com

1448.
Ghosts and goblins? Bah!
Nothing scares me anymore.
Aaaagh! Wife just served SPAM!

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1449.
Only five votes? Five?
Ask for five tons of new SPAM.
That, I could give you.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@IMAP1.ASU.EDU

1450.
Finger the best five?
How do I do that, good sir?
SPAM is on my mind.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@IMAP1.ASU.EDU

1451.
Yes, I cast my votes!
Damn, you ask too much of me!
SPAM? Want the can, too?

--Mark Yannone, elwood@IMAP1.ASU.EDU

1452.
Chopped and formed, it's sweet
Close to the bone, it's a treat
Food science, it's meat

--Anonymous

1453.
Voting for one SPAM?
That's like voting for one qagh.
SPAM for one and all!

--john.foster@camel.com

1454.
How my hands tremble
Applying a light coat of
SPAM-colored lipstick

--lsheahen

1455.
My friend is kosher;
She doesn't understand my
Passionate love, tears.

--lsheahen

1456.
Offices grow still:
A million hands type haiku.
A good day at work.

--lsheahen

1457.
Do not be ashamed
To write SPAM haiku all day!
Praise what's immortal.

--lsheahen

1458.
I feign ignorance
When CIA questions my
Relation with SPAM.

--lsheahen

1459.
Leavin' on jet plane
Salt tears roll down thick pink cheeks
I shall miss you SPAM

--lsheahen

1460.
I, the Cretan, say:
To use "SPAM" in a haiku
is impossible.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

1461.
What the heck is it?
Blended porcine organs--mixed.
Gimme some of that!

--Anonymous

1462.
you can buy a nice
prostitute in vietnam
for a can of spam

--heightj@coral.indstate.edu

1463.
i like spam a lot
but my intestines are gone
a victim of spam

--scott kistler, kistler@uiuc.edu

1464.
spam gets up and leaves
i guess it is tired of me
making fun of it

--Chris Cieslak, ccieslak@uiuc.edu

1465.
Pulsating morsel.
A gulp, constriction, light dims.
Gargling SPAM, eyes dull.

--Mike

1466.
Slice the cold, pink block.
Apply to sucking chest wound.
Don't need stitches now.

--L. Gryc, songbird@teleport.com

1467.
Made a SPAM milkshake.
Added some Hersey's syrup.
I've made liquid Hell.

--L. Gryc, songbird@teleport.com

1468.
Meaty bits of pork
Compressed into a small can
My colon feels clogged

--Anonymous

1469.
Sam said "SPAM I am!"
Then doubt crept in on cat feet:
"Am I SPAM?" said Sam.

--C.

1470.
Vote for Frank N. Spam
He puts the bad guys in jail
Makes them eat raw ham

--Anonymous

1471.
Archaeology:
The field crew dug up some SPAM
perfectly preserved.

--Anonymous

1472.
SPAM is X-rated
its wiggle seduces me
it makes my can glad

--Anonymous

1473.
A soft pink layer
amid the stratigraphy:
artifact and lunch.

--Anonymous

1474.
If Hitler had SPAM
We might not have won the war
New York called Spamburg

--Anonymous

1475.
Let's do a SPAM dance
And stomp on the grapes of SPAM
And make a SPAM wine.

--Anonymous

1476.
If Stalin had SPAM
The Spamnik would orbit Earth
We'd need SPAM D. I.

--Anonymous

1477.
I voted for SPAM
It's square but that's no problem
Son Bono is, too

--Anonymous

1478.
Sweet pinkish jelly
Beckons me with sirens' call
Forget the KY

--Anonymous

1479.
K-Mart says three ten,
Saks Fifth Avenue, twenty.
SPAM arbitrage dude.

--Anonymous

1480.
Hair product, cologne,
Dinner conversation piece:
The new Spamish fly.

--Anonymous

1481.
Mother, father here
Giving thanks for pink pig parts
Pass the SPAM turkey

--Anonymous

1482.
New campaign platform
Universal health care plan
SPAM in every pot

--Anonymous

1483.
She who cooks me SPAM
will one day be my lover.
The texture is weird.

--Jay Thomas, jwt@dana.ucc.nau.edu

1484.
animal bodies
chopped, compressed in bright pink cube
everlasting SPAM

--JMM, Femme Extraordinaire

1485.
misty Taj Mahal
veiled maiden strums ancient chant
ethereal SPAM

--JMM, Femme Extraordinaire

1486.
orb drifting through space
soft pink gelatinous corpse
swine dreaming of SPAM

--JMM, Femme Extraordinaire

1487.
Doctors practicing
liposuction would do well
to consider SPAM.

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1488.
Swineherds tend the pigs
and SPAMherds watch over cans,
but who will watch them?

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1489.
Gently, I expose
the cold, soft, slimy pinkness.
Ecstasy again!

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1490.
Urgently opened,
I fumble towards the can.
Ecstasy too soon!

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1491.
Spit-slime on pavement
Trips the unwary walker
Recognizing SPAM

--Nora Jacob, njacob@ix.netcom.com

1492.
Old hungry person.
In goes second can of SPAM.
Escaping gas sound!

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1493.
spam. put it on the
comics page. i see garfield
backwards on the pink.

--kgregory@post.cis.smu.edu

1494.
bow down before the
ever holy piggy goo
it will bring you luck

--kgregory@post.cis.smu.edu

1495.
last night i put spam
underneath my pillow for
the spam fairy. mmm.

--kgregory@post.cis.smu.edu

1496.
s for super, p
for pig, a for always, m
for mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!

--kgregory@post.cis.smu.edu

1497.
i've never eaten
spam. what is the big fat deal?
haiku for pig parts?

--jjackson@post.cis.smu.edu

1498.
Raging hormone food.
Male runners eat cans of SPAM
Covered with GU!

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1499.
Can of SPAM, cat food.
Well-groomed pussy eats them both
Without distinction.

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1500.
A hot summer day.
The sun heats my can of SPAM
Sitting in my car.

--kevin kepley, kpk@Storz.Com