1.
Disco inferno:
"Burn, baby, burn." In Quezon,
Hundred sixty dead.
2.
Clinton campaign chief
Phones Iran. Arms for hostage?
No. "Take Hillary."
3.
Campaign sea map warns
Of Doledrums, Whitewater, and
Shallow ideas.
4.
Illegals beat up.
Camera zooms in on cops.
Hey--it's Stacy Koon!
5.
China barks. Taiwan
Yaps back. But the hand of trade
Remains unbitten.
6.
At the Gdansk shipyard
You can blame the President
For a blown circuit.
7.
Sonny in Congress.
Cops pull "Rodney King" again.
And the Beat Goes On.
8.
Unabomber waits
in Montana Paradise
...should have fled to Guam
9.
Unabomber says:
"Technology sucks! Ban it!"
(... well, except for bombs...)
10.
Unabomber lived
on SPAM, venison, tuna.
Mystery now solved!
11.
L.A. law men know:
"Videos are not our friends"
...but keep forgetting
12.
The Hammer comes down
His palace sold, a dream dies.
Guess he "Can't touch this!"
13.
Ron Brown, others died
Because 2K GPS
nixed for toilet seat
14.
Right-wing extremists
flock to mountains in Northwest
close to the left coast!
15.
Thin-skinned President.
But, used to call Imus show,
told stories on self.
16.
Montana glistens,
Crystalline transformation.
(Nitrate blows, not snow.)
17.
The Unabomber--
Mister No-Technology--
nailed by typewriter.
18.
If Dole is an old
Elephant, what's Buchanan?
A woolly mammoth.
19.
Desolate winter
Mind churning: What did I do!?
Mom of Unabomb
20.
Dan Rostenkowski:
His "ways" and "means" sway no names.
Six seasons in jail.
21.
Macho Koreans
Curse across DMZ: Dead
Motherfucker Zone.
22.
Oh, Rostenkowski
Old, Rostenkowski. (Graft is)
Old Rostenkowski
23.
Searching for John Doe:
Liberte, Egalite,
Fraternite? No.
24.
Babe banned in China.
They don't like their mu-shu pork
Talking back to them.
25.
"Capitalist pig!"
Babe is skewered in Beijing.
Afterwards, hot lunch.
26.
Guilty? Cop a plea.
Serve time for a lesser crime.
Rostenkowski knows.
27.
Ambulance blown up.
For the Israeli gunships,
Red cross is bull's eye.
28.
Kravice market.
The Serbs hated the decor.
They painted it red.
29.
Monrovian smells:
Gun powder, rotting corpses,
The piss scent of fear.
30.
Nixon tapes unzipped.
Media flock to hear Dick
Let it all hang out.
31.
Civilian harvest
Operation Grapes of Wrath
Blood flowing like wine
32.
A twelve-year-old's rape
Forces Uncle Sam to an
Early withdrawal.
33.
Homo sapiens
we are called, or "Man, the wise"
but who picked the name?
34.
Used to be today
Concord battle, beat Redcoats
Start of our nation
35.
Now we remember
Unhappy annivers'ry
Of Waco, Murrah
36.
Theodore "Blank"-ski.
Mathematics, flowing beards:
A deadly combo.
37.
Rolodex maker
Leaves a flipping legacy.
Roll on, Rolo-man.
38.
F. Lee Bailey out.
Judge took stock of stock, wants it.
F. flees with OJ.
39.
Political heat:
Lebanon takes the pressure
as Peres buckles.
40.
Kesey is queasy
Leary offs self on the Net
Ultimate spamming
41.
Planet Hollywood
Alternate scenario:
Stock "Terminated"
42.
Spring Break is over.
Bikini sales fall, stores close.
All staffs at half mast.
43.
Scratching the Bear's back,
The West doesn't see what he's
Eating--Chechnya.
44.
Ernesto Samper's
Covert fund-raising jingle:
"It's always Coca."
45.
U.N. camp blown up.
For Israeli soldiers, it's
Bomb first, ask later.
46.
Al-Gamaa attacks
Wrong group of foreign tourists.
'Twas all Greek to them.
47.
Two giants to merge:
Bell Atlantic and Nynex.
Apt acronym: BAN.
48.
Boy chasing a ball.
Into the woods. Explosion.
Another mine found.
49.
World's best mine sweepers:
Farmers tilling, boys playing,
Girls fetching water.
50.
Mandela's Boys beat
Tunisia. Winnie's "boys"
Just break your knees, ya?
51.
Vote for Cthulhu in
ninety-six--lesser evil
than Pat Buchanan.
52.
Achille Lauro:
Killer says: "Oops! I'm sorry!"
Tell it to the judge.
53.
Djokhar Dudayev
may be dead--will he become
another martyr?
54.
War in Chechnya
continues--Afghanistan
just was not enough.
55.
Some units now fly
red Soviet flag--a fitting
color for bloodshed.
56.
Two great evils joined--
teachings of Ghengis Khan and
Marx--deadly combo.
57.
Did Dudayev die?
Russians hope Chechnya news
Dies at the same time.
58.
A slap in the face
Assassination attempt
or Gorby PR?
59.
Old women, children,
UN--Israel shoots through
Hezbollah's cover.
60.
Kennedy junk sells
It's all gone in Camelot!
It's a sham-a-lot!
61.
Six-year-old killer
Sticks and stones may break our bones
Words can't help us now
62.
The Enquirer sez:
Marla dissing the Donald
God!... if they were right!
63.
Mourning Chernobyl:
10 years after, it's still: "(I'd)
Love to Change the World"
64.
You must be Kidding!
"Washed up starlet goes crazy"
That never happens!
65.
Peace in the Mideast
New missile pact ensures it.
Shyeahh, right! And monkeys...
66.
Cafe Depresso
Tasmanian devil-man
Pours forth his horror
67.
The Springtime Car Blues:
Fiery Fords erupting.
Where's that rebate now?