SPAM Haiku 2301-2400

Move backwards to Numbers 2201-2300.

2301.
Smoke SPAM with a pipe.
SPAM likes Michael Stipe. When I
See SPAM I go "Yipe!!!!!!"

--Jen Sethasang

2302.
Sand flows through the hour
glass, just as SPAM flows through me:
My God, how time flies!

--Eddie Finn, EWFinn@aol.com

2303.
SPAM jam on biscuit
SPAM jelly on blackened toast
SPAM preserves my soul

--Eddie Finn, EWFinn@aol.com

2304.
"Make money fast!" screams
the stupid ad on Usenet.
This is called a spam.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2305.
MST3K:
Servo offers SPAM to Crow.
"Bite me," Crow replies.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2306.
I have discovered
the secret ingredient:
H2SO4.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2307.
Yeah, yeah, SPAM is great.
Yeah, yeah, SPAM is good. What if
SPAM was one of us?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2308.
Resistance to the
SPAM is futile. You will be
assimilated.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2309.
What would Uncle Sam
do if we paid income tax
by sending in SPAM?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2310.
NYPD Blue:
Sipowicz pigs out on SPAM.
Has a heart attack.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2311.
On my Spamboni,
At Maple Leaf Gardens, I'll
Resurface the spice.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2312.
At the Round Table,
Guinevere served Hot Boiled SPAM.
Test of chivalry.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2313.
I knew a SPAM, once,
Who thought he'd been a pig in
A previous life.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2314.
The Lord sent us SPAM.
He sent us, also, locusts,
Gnats, frogs, hail, and boils.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2315.
Shrieking lunch whistle.
Why open the bent black pail?
SPAM loaf lurks within.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

2316.
Multi-purpose SPAM--
Mold into dentures for lunch,
Eat dentures for snacks!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

2317.
By simple corn-ham
(rich baloney!) Ms. P.M.
beclamps my rhino.

--Wayne E. Baisley, baisley@fnal.gov

2318.
Masterless ronin
Searches Japan for sensei
Spamikitori

--Bill Levine

2319.
Samurai--five years
Humbly bows to sensei. Cuts
Ultimate slices.

--Bill Levine

2320.
Fly lands on slices,
Sword cuts miss insect--disgrace!
Quick harakiri.

--Bill Levine

2321.
Is that your nose or
Are you eating Super SPAM?
Actually, no!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2322.
Speaking as a SPAM,
This haiku hype is noxious
Anti-porcine poop!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2323.
Karadzic sealed in
tin. A lovely sight to see.
The first pig in SPAM.

--Mike McGaff

2324.
SPAM place in orbit.
"Space is now mine!" claims Hormel.
A reign of gristle.

--Mike McGaff

2325.
Martial colonies,
Built from pseudo-food profits.
The SPAM in the moon.

--Mike McGaff

2326.
A crimson land mine.
Soldier pokes it with a stick.
SPAM daisy cutter.

--Mike McGaff

2327.
SPAMMY come home! Last
Seen with mash and peas before
Dessert. Eat kindly.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2328.
Oysters and SPAM mousse.
Superb aphrodisiac.
Revives the tired bits!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2329.
"New SPAMs for old," says
Hormel. "Re-sprayed SPAMs half price,
Includes acid gel."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2330.
"Seek Spamtuary
In the blue tin; it's safe there,"
Captain Hormel says.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2331.
Saladin could split
A SPAM mid-air: Ivanhoe
Tickled his to death.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2332.
Alone with SPAM. Pink-
Ness pervades; fragrance of pig
Steeps the Id. Eat it!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2333.
Give me a dollar
And I will go buy some SPAM
And dump in the can

--Anonymous

2334.
SPAM, it sounds like "flop"
When it wiggles from the can
Recycled pig dung

--Anonymous

2335.
"I considered SPAM.
What the hell was I thinking?"
Jolly Green Giant.

--Mike McGaff

2336.
Prisoner James Cole,
"Volunteer" science subject:
Can SPAM kill the world?

--Mike McGaff

2337.
Pink cubes of cold flesh
Dripping blood, pus, and urine
I relish my SPAM

--Anonymous

2338.
1984:
"Slavery is freedom" "War
is peace" "SPAM is food"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2339.
SPAMimal Farm: "All
meats are equal. Some are more
equal than others."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2340.
Dickens describes SPAM:
"It was the best of meats, it
was the worst of meats."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2341.
Churchill on SPAM: "A
riddle wrapped in a myst'ry
wrapped in some pink gel."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2342.
American pork
spread 'cross the continent: SPAM-
ifest Destiny.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2343.
Lunchmeat passed from one
generation to the next:
SPAMily heirloom.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2344.
Mona Lisa smiled
'cause she convinced daVinci
to not invent SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2345.
Munch serves his guest SPAM.
The next day he paints "The Scream."
Mere coincidence?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2346.
Once upon a time,
in a magic, happy land,
SPAM did not exist.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2347.
Sure, a SPAMless world
sounds like earthly paradise,
but--no SPAM haiku!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2348.
Lose unwanted guests.
Serve them SPAM three times a day.
It works like a charm!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2349.
Rogue B-52
drops SPAM on USSR.
It's Dr. SPAMlove.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2350.
Put a pinch of SPAM
right between your cheek and gum.
Healthier than Skoal.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2351.
Timothy McVeigh.
Hanging is too good for him.
I say, feed him SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2352.
On the interstate,
eighteen-wheeler hits a moose.
Result looks like SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2353.
Hormel workers come
and they cart the moose away.
See? I told you so.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2354.
Crack and PCP
can't match the addictiveness
of the SPAM haiku.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2355.
Arecibo dish.
Pranksters fill it up with SPAM
right up to the top.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2356.
Frightened Chief tells Quint,
"We're gonna need a bigger
boat." The SPAM attacks!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2357.
Mr. Leopold
Bloom ate with great relish the
SPAM he got from cans.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2358.
"Woolly Bully" was
not performed by "SHAM the SPAM."
Thought I'd clear that up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2359.
We'd still be at war
had Grant offered SPAM to Lee
at Appomattox.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2360.
"South of the Border."
Tacky highway tourist trap.
Home of SPAM tacos.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2361.
Doctor, Doctor, give
me the news, I got a bad
case of SPAM haikus!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2362.
Shakespeare's critics say
Francis Bacon wrote his plays.
Nope; 'twas Francis SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2363.
Looked in the glass to-
Day. Huge SPAM sniggered. This my
True identity?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2364.
When God made man, Sat-
An made pigs. Too late to swap,
They invented SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2365.
What is SPAM to me
but a happy, beautiful
messenger of God?

--Anonymous

2366.
I made up a joke:
How do you make a SPAM loaf?
Put it on welfare!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2367.
How do you make a
Hormel? Give hooker sex change;
change her name to "Mel."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2368.
Star Trek: Voyager.
Neelix serves SPAM to the crew.
They phaser his ass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2369.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Odo mimics can of SPAM.
Gets flushed down the john.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2370.
Star Trek: TNG.
Where'd Dr. Pulaski go?
Look in the blue can.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2371.
SPAM is made by elves
in trees. Honest. And when an
elf dies...Hey, more SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2372.
SPAM yanked from Olym-
pic menu. Do you believe
in miracles? Yes!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2373.
I cut off a chunk,
then I saw it wasn't SPAM,
but...A HUMAN HEAD!!!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2374.
The above haiku's
ripped from a Jack Handy bit.
I apologize.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2375.
Haiku 486:
Don't try this yourself. Why not?
Sharp metal edges.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2376.
Chinese calendar.
Year of Monkey, Year of Horse.
Together, they're SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2377.
Franklin tied SPAM key
to kite. Lightning stuck, turned him
into hot pink mass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2378.
SPAM haiku with links!
Isn't that a cool idea?
OK, maybe not.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2379.
Sheriff's deputies
follow gel trail to Manson
at SPAM's Movie Ranch.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2380.
Cocaine runners hide
blow inside a crate of SPAM.
Sniffer dog vomits.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2381.
Orson Welles declares
big SPAMs land in New Jersey.
Audience panics.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2382.
My name's Ozyspam-
dias! Look on my Meat, ye
mighty, and despair!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2383.
Lizzie Borden took
a can and served it to her
mom and dad. Murder!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2384.
Edmund Fitzgerald:
Cook tells crew, "It's SPAM tonight!"
They scuttle instead.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2385.
I can only think
of two guys who might love SPAM:
Beavis and Butt-Head.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2386.
"These SPAM nachos rule!"
"Yeah yeah! Heh-heh. SPAM kicks ass!"
"Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2387.
"This SPAM isn't hu-
man. It doesn't feel pain. It
can't be reasoned with!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2388.
"Butt-Head, pass the SPAM.
Don't bogart it, fartknocker!"
"Get your own, asswipe!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2389.
Hormel announces
new product: Cajun-Style SPAM.
Paul Prudhomme goes nuts.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2390.
Gamera is neat.
He is filled with turtle meat.
Not an ounce of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2391.
Old retired jocks to
star in ads for new SPAM Lite.
"Tastes filling!" "Less great!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2392.
Sodium nitrate.
Mix with diesel fuel--KABANG!
It's a SPAM grenade.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2393.
Molly Bloom never
Got out of bed. Leopold
Always frying SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2394.
When I exclaimed "SPAM
Haiku," my wife gave me a
Tissue, "Gesundheit."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2395.
SPAM rolls down my wall.
I threw it in fit of rage.
Please grant forgiveness.

--Anonymous

2396.
Note on resume:
"Published on the Internet,
My own SPAM haiku."

--Mike McGaff

2397.
The interviewer:
"Thank you for your time, but your
SPAM haiku lack taste."

--Mike McGaff

2398.
"Lacking in taste, eh!?
Have you ever eaten SPAM?"
I am now postal.

--Mike McGaff

2399.
"Calm yourself, young man!
Obviously, excessive
nitrates! Try SPAM Lite!"

--Mike McGaff

2400.
Secretly I smile.
Foolish mortals know not the
Mysteries of SPAM!

--Mike McGaff