MIT Poetry

machinegunner

Joe Haldeman

last night and afternoon I cleaned each round
with a gasoline-soaked rag, and inspected each round
before snapping it into the belt
so that when my loader is killed
the belt will run true
for as long as I am allowed to live

forgive me my sin

at a cyclic rate of fire
the bipod would dig into the sand
and restrict lateral movement,
so I took a sandbag
and invested a canteen of water
to make a firm base for the weapon
for as long as I am allowed to live

forgive me my sin

I hear the muted cough and clank of their tanks
and I hear the whip of the helicopter blades
from just below the near horizon
and with my loader I stare at the horizon
and wait, and keep touching the safety
pushing it uselessly forward so the weapon will fire
at the first man that I see

forgive me my sin

I will die here
and my loader will die here
before noon
we will be dead and crushed by the treads of tanks

Allah

forgive me my sin

but they are just men,
like me and my loader,
and it hurts me to glory in killing
them as it hurts me
to be afraid of dying.

                                                                                
Joe Haldeman teaches in the Program in Writing and Humanistic Studies and is best known for his award-winning science fiction novels. This poem appeared in 2007 a collection titled On Our Way to Battle: Poetry from the Trenches. This is his second appearance in the FNL.

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