Go backwards to The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 1).
1011.
Wrote homework on SPAM
But when I tried to find it
Dog had eaten it
1029.
Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.
1030.
In order for it
To be shaped that way something
Has to extrude it.
1034.
I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble
1038.
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.
1039.
He makes a green fringe
About my rind. He packs me
In the spring waters.
1040.
He synthesizes
My flavor; He scrapes me from
The slaughterhouse floor.
1041.
Yea, though I trot towards
The abattoir, I will fear
no disembowelment.
1042.
For Thou standest o'er
Me; Thy cudgel and Thy knife
They do dispatch me.
1043.
Thou preparest a
Dish of me in the presence
Of my predators.
1044.
Thou anointest my
Slices with mayonnaise; my
Grease runneth over.
1045.
Surely parsley and
Cloves will garnish me all the
Days of my shelflife.
1046.
And I will dwell in
Plaque-encrusted arteries
Forever. Amen.
1060.
The National SPAM
Association protects
your right to bear SPAM.
1062.
Second NSA
slogan: "SPAMs don't kill people;
fry cooks kill people."
1072.
"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."
1074.
I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."
1078.
A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."
1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."
1199.
Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.
1245.
If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.
1278.
U.S. Air Force tests
Blasting SPAM at plane windshields
Should have opened can
1287.
They enjoyed the stew
But when offered SPAM ice cream
My dinner guests left.
1321.
Economy class.
The entrée choice: SPAM or SPAM.
Oh, look! Parachutes!
1344.
Oh meaty poundcake
beads of pork syrup shimmer
I found some gristle
1395.
Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's your 'Treet'."
The brats torched my house.
1402.
Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light, gelled.
1421.
Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."
1445.
Spamasaurus Rex
cloned from old loaves' DNA
in Jurassic Pork.
1454.
How my hands tremble
Applying a light coat of
SPAM-colored lipstick
1456.
Offices grow still:
A million hands type haiku.
A good day at work.
1462.
you can buy a nice
prostitute in vietnam
for a can of spam
1473.
A soft pink layer
amid the stratigraphy:
artifact and lunch.
1482.
New campaign platform
Universal health care plan
SPAM in every pot
1520.
The tucked tin too tight
Wobbly waif of porcine pink
Pearly tine waster
1521.
Drunk crippled Ewok,
Dead on sidewalk, piss-drenched fur,
SPAM just out of reach
1574.
Turkey-shaped SPAM for
Thanksgiving dinner. None give
thanks but the turkey.
1663.
Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's yang
Pink pursuing pink
1666.
I ate Kung Pao SPAM.
Chunks sliding off my chopsticks.
Order rice instead.
1674.
Malignant dwarf stands,
Pitchfork ready, on blood-caked
Hormel loading dock.
1677.
Ist es nur das Fleisch,
oder wahrlich der Heiland?
Was ist diesen "SPAM"?
1678.
¿Es carne solo,
o tal vez un salvador?
¿Que es esto "SPAM"?
1679.
Ceci, jambon seule,
ou vraiment un sauveur, non?
Qu'est-ce que c'est le "SPAM"?
1680.
Prosciutto solo,
o salvatore vero?
Che fa questo "SPAM"?
1681.
Is it just some meat,
or maybe the true savior?
What is this here "SPAM"?
1682.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!
1688.
Three little piggies
Went to market. Chop, chop, chop.
Well, well. I'll be spammed!
1691.
Green, blue, dark brown crust
Behind the curdled low-fat
Last New Year's SPAM dip
1692.
Circled by Triscuits
Abbatoir aroma thick
The Pillar of Oink
1704.
French waitress nearby
Didn't smile when asked for SPAM
"What is her problem?"
1705.
"Rogue A-meri-caan,
Hye can tak hyis SPAM, shove IT!
I wheel no serve hyim!"
1735.
what is the sound of
one spam clapping in the wood?
would it pork or chop?
1749.
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"
1752.
Opening the can
Provides a sense of wonder:
"Who has lost their lunch?"
1762.
Hold-up at Safeway.
Gunman points Gatling at mum.
"Unhand that SPAM, mame."
1774.
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.
1789.
Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.
1800.
Stretched stale meniscus
over opened rusted tin,
drummed disgusting din.
1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.
1832.
Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and Mountain Dew
1833.
AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay Atinlay.
1864.
Frigate drops SPAM charge.
Sub responds with sausages.
Missiles meet. Elope.
1878.
Tree leans and then falls--
one too many cans of SPAM
hanging on far side.
1886.
Jessica Fletcher
Finds body with SPAM beside.
Suicide? Murder?
1902.
Grandma Hormel hissed
To Little Pink Riding Hog,
"Trot off and get canned."
1904.
Hormel's Bay of Pigs.
Again the world holds its breath.
SPAM missiles turned back!
1933.
SPAM, the perfect grub
For soldiers marching to war.
They'll kill for real food.
1954.
"Have some SPAM, darling?"
"No thanks, dear, too rich for me."
La politesse, non?
1962.
It appears brick-like,
But it is more pliable;
The brick tastes better.
1963.
When you fry a slab
It seems to form a red scab
And grease oozes out.
1967.
Hormel gave us SPAM;
My question is: how do we
Get back at Hormel?
1981.
SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of Pork."
1985.
Went into garden.
Threw SPAM globs onto fish pond.
Carp hara kiri.