In June of 1995 my Mother died of Ovarian Cancer. She had been fighting it for 14 months and was undergoing a bone marrow transplant in an effort to overcome the cancer which had survived more conventional treatments. Unfortunately she was part of the 5% of patients who don't survive this procedure. Before she became ill, she was very interested in the internet. At that time it was just becoming a popular medium and she was fascinated by the way it could make information available to anyone. My mom was an English professor and was very interested in communication. I think it would make her very happy to have this small piece of the Web dedicated to her. If you take nothing else from this page please read a poem she wrote. I would like the world (and especially other individuals with cancer) to see this piece.
A great deal of who I am I owe to my mother. She taught me to enjoy new experiences and gave me a great lust for knowledge. Travel was one of her passions and I like to think I will continue that tradition. The picture below is very old (mid '70s) but it is from the British Museum in London. She loved the U.K. (and I have definitely picked up that trait) and she also traveled to Egypt so this picture in front of a sarcophagus is appropriate.
Mom always tried to make the most demanding circumstances happy. Even as she lost weight, and her hair, to treatment she could still show a beautiful smile. This picture was taken during the Christmas of 1994. It was hard to celebrate the holiday with the burden of her illness but it was still a wonderful time.
There are many things we can remember about those we have lost. I think it is best to simply remember them as a part of our lives and let their spirit live on through our actions. I think my mother's memory is best seen in my drive to meld my engineering talent with my passion for history. She always wanted me to employ my more abstract and creative side to something more than technology. I will do that in my future and I only hope my life is a fitting testament to the immense effort she put in to raising me.
Before she died my mother wrote this poem. It says a great deal about our lives, the challenges we face, and what is important. It also says a great deal about who my mother was. It is fitting then, that my page in memory of my mom concludes with her own words.
Thank you, Lord, for this cancer.
Thank you for technology, for anesthetics,
For the surgeon's skill.
They gave me hope beyond the despair.
Thank you, God, for time enough.
Thank you for the summer's afternoon,
Alone on the patio with poems to comfort.
Thank you for another Christmas and
Strength to argue, cry and laugh about it.
Thank you, God, for friends and family indeed.
Meals, rides, flowers, calls, cards,
Candy, poems, chores, shopping.
Love, sympathy, cheer, support,
Tears, laughter, hugs, concern.
Thank you for unconditional support.
An employer with generous health leave benefits.
An insurance process that's less painful than my disease.
A boss who's not a boss but a friend
Colleagues in sympathetic contact.
Thank you for today's technology.
The tubes to snake the toxins
To take on the malignancies --
The pills to counteract the toxins --
The scans to prove to me there's progress
Thank you, God, for my family.
The youngest, too young to understand,
young enough to need protection,
old enough to be sympathetic.
The elder, smart enough to know,
smart enough to cry,
young enough to hope.
The man, beleaguered, confused, silent,
dogged, persistent, patient,
tough, compassionate, loving.
Ultimately, thank you God for insight, comfort, peace.
May I be worthy of whatever time and life and love you'll yet bestow on me.
Justine M. Kawalek Ph.D.
February 1, 1995
